A Few Moments To Myself

A break is needed

AI-Generated Image: A Black woman with locs sitting on her couch, reading a book. She is wearing a beige sweater, khaki pants, and the background is soft and mellow with a hint of sunlight breaking through her window. Created with Canva.

I am in production and continued training mode at work. That being said, my focus is on the grind and perfecting the roles I am transitioning through. I am also searching for a part-time WFH job due to the impending rent hike that’s just around the corner.

Needless to say, I need a break.

I want to enjoy all that I can during this coming week at my job, learn more, and devote my time to our patients. I also want to maintain a sense of self as I come to grips with the reality of going back to working two jobs.

I will return to this creative space with the Sunday features: Opening Lyrics To Songs That I Love and Sunday Microfiction next Sunday, August 10, 2025.

For now, please enjoy this groovy tune and a few posts from the past in my absence.

Let Me Grow

What If We Could Haiku the Pain Away?

The Beauty of Love and Creativity

Something To Think About #16


Peace and blessings.

the dog and the sandman

the dog is dead
to the world.
this kind of sleep
is what I used to have
before the change,
before the crush.

there’s too much worry
in my bones – too much
brokenness. I am
whole-body ache in
need of a salve that’s evergreen.
who will deliver?

Wednesday is just
another day that my
body confuses with
Thursday, and the mind
battles with it – warring
with an enemy who
has an army of an
undisclosed amount.

I am stuck in the middle.
the dog is still dead
to the world.
she didn’t raise her head
or bat an eye.
the sandman who visits
her is clearly not the
one who will beat down
my door tonight.

Setting Up Zumi’s Home Space (Again)

Saturday night was meant for change

A photo collage of the new coconut-scented substrate bedding, Zumi in its portable terrarium, and finally back in its main terrarium after a thorough cleansing. Photo Collage Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

It had been nearly seven months since Zumi’s terrarium had been cleaned from top to bottom. It was time to do just that and discard the old wood chips and dirt.

I ordered two bags of coconut substrate bedding. The brand is ReptiChip. I used one bag, and I have another bag for the next time I do this which will be in May of next year.

Per the Zoologist, I should thoroughly clean the terrarium and replace the substrate every 6-8 months. I got ZuZu on March 23, 2024, so it was under seven months last night when I took on the challenge.

Let me tell you, beautiful human beings, this is not a task for the faint of heart! Once I transferred Zuse to its portable terrarium, I carried its main terrarium to my kitchen where I used the sink hose to rinse and clean the space. I used Dawn dishwashing liquid, Fabuloso, and hot water. I made sure it was rinsed, and free of film and soap and then, I hand-dried the terrarium with a cleaning cloth.

I set up the terrarium with the new substrate bedding, all of Zumi’s fake plants, food and water, the favorite hidey-hole/cave, and then I put Zuse back in its home.

While ZuZu was in the portable terrarium, it pooped. I said to it as I lifted it to transfer it back to where it should be, “Aww, Zuse! You weren’t even in here for thirty minutes!” It just looked at me as if to say, “You’re the one who bought this comfy and sweet-scented bedding, Mom. Now, clean up my mess!”

Zumi Tye walks around the terrarium, getting a feel for the new bedding. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I live in a building that does fire drills to test the alarms. The fire department comes out every few months, runs the drills, and then leaves after 30-45 minutes. The last time this happened, I gathered up Jernee and ran out of my apartment.

I totally forgot about Zuse! But even if I remembered, I had no portable terrarium for my baby, so I couldn’t take it with me anyway. After that drill, I made it a point to remedy the problem.

We are to treat the drills as if they were actual fire alerts. So the next time one takes place, I’ll be prepared for Zumi. And this fact makes me feel a lot better about all of our safety.

Some days, it still boggles my mind that I am Mommy to a 16-year-old Chorkie and a Red-Footed Tortoise. A comfortable home is what I want for all of us, and that is what I aim to give us every single day. Zumi’s new portable home and its clean terrarium with new substrate bedding are pieces to our overall comfort.

Saturday night was meant for change, and I am glad I made time for it.

what the body thinks of sexy weather

this morning, the body failed
to jolt up in routine.
I flounced on the bed,
unsure of where I was, and
the aches hit me.

could it be an early Autumn
cold or the flu or the dreaded
COVID-19 finally coming
to test my strength?

sexy weather greeted us earlier
this week and the change
is changing me.
I know this day will be
spent huddling under covers,
sipping licorice tea with raw honey,
and watching movies.

I can’t bring myself to do
much else.

woe to the woman whose
weekend will be spent
nursing herself back to
health because even though
I am ready for the weather to
thunder roll in an inviting way,
the body is not.

The Hard Part Is Over and Now . . . I Wait.

I applied to two psychological/therapeutic organizations as recommended by my former therapist and my nerves are getting the best of me.

Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

This morning, I did the second part of what I have been dreading for nearly two months: I applied to two psychological/therapeutic organizations as recommended by my former therapist. To say that I am nervous is an understatement. But I knew this had to be done, and I am proud of myself for taking the second step in continuing my mental healthcare and surveillance from a professional.

I started by researching the second center my former therapist and I discussed as the name struck me as inviting and serene: Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness. I read through the organization’s mission and vision statement and familiarized myself with about four of the profiles for their providers. I landed on Arionna Wilkerson within the first three minutes, marked her mentally, and said, “Let’s come back to her.” I read through three more profiles and circled back to Arionna Wilkerson. I completed the new applicant form and will await the recommended 24-48 hours turnaround time before reaching out to the organization if I have not heard from a representative before their requested turnaround time.

The downside to this organization is my insurance is not an accepted carrier. Thus, if I choose to make them my new mental healthcare provider, I will have to pay a significant amount out of pocket each month. In all honesty, I am trying to avoid this. However, I did apply because Arionna’s profile seems to be exactly the type of service I need and would like to continue to get. I also selected the option to continue Autism Spectrum Disorder testing. I had the initial assessment for autism about 2 years ago, and I have been learning more about myself and coming to terms with WHY I am the way I am and how much of me centers around neurodivergence.

The mission statement for Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness is:

At Banyan Tree Counseling & Wellness, our mission is to nurture the roots of well-being. We are committed to delivering compassionate, holistic, and evidence-based care that empowers individuals, families, and communities to thrive. Our dedication to creating an inclusive environment fosters growth, healing, and fulfillment for our clients. With an unwavering commitment to professional excellence and continuous improvement, our aim is to positively impact the mental and overall well-being of our community.

The above is what led me to apply to this organization. I also watched a short YouTube clip from the Founder/Executive Director, Chantal Hayes, and was slightly moved to learn more about the people Banyan Tree employs. The location is not far from me and I can choose in-person or virtual/telehealth care.

The other organization I researched and applied to is Camel City Counseling. My former therapist and I discussed them as well. On a list of four recommendations, these two spoke to me the most. I read through their mission statement and was immediately lured in. Here is a snippet of what Camel City Counseling offers:

We specialize in working with motivated clients, the perfectionist, the family struggle, the couple rekindling their desire, the trauma survivor, the hurting, the anxious, the body loather, the overachiever, the overcomer, the attention deficit, the highly sensitive. We believe that mental health is physical health, and vice versa. We see you and we care.

When you work with us, you will experience authenticity and integrity. Our passionate focus is meeting people where they are and walking with them toward their goals in a warm, relational manner. We will sit “side by side” with you on your journey of change. We will never give up on your success and wellbeing.

After reading three profiles on their website for three VERY different providers, I selected Zanita Harrison for whom I’d like to be my next provider. Her background and current specialization is what would be helpful to me. Her personal statement helped seal the deal as the person of interest for me, too: WANTS CLIENTS TO DEVELOP PERSONAL STRENGTH, DEEP UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS, AND FEEL MORE CONFIDENT IN THEIR COMMUNICATION OR SELF ADVOCACY.”

This organization also specializes in additional assessments for Autism Spectrum Disorder. They also . . . wait for it . . . ACCEPT MY INSURANCE! The last part is a plus as I do not want to pay out of pocket for services that should undoubtedly be offered to human beings for free. I also have the option for in-person care or virtual/telehealth. I will await a response from them by allowing 24-72 hours.

My former therapist is a Caucasian woman in her late 60s. She provided me with several tools to use as I grow older and move through the challenges of life. I will never forget what we shared, how we grew together, and her incredible attention to detail and assistance in me learning who I am and why outside of racial demographics and gender/sex orientation. I am moving forward now after so many long and tired exhalations.

The hard part to all of this is over and now . . . I wait.

flowing

Pictured Poetry created by Tremaine L. Loadholt

I’m dealing with my therapist’s retirement announcement in my own way. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m so hopeful for her future. I wish her well, too.

But I am not looking forward to the search that is before me for a new one.

And so, I’m writing poetry about it. Of course, I am. Of course, I am.


Originally shared via Instagram.