Pain–In 3 Words

Woman with half of her face under water
Ramiro Moyeda via Mixkit.co

d  r  o  w  n  i  n  g
without you


*Author’s Note: If you are lucky/blessed, you have experienced love, you know love. To be in love is still one of the most beautiful feelings I recall. The newness of it can be enticing and enthralling. To fall out of it, well . . . that can be devastating. But, again if you are lucky/blessed, you will always know love.

Amusement Parks and Broken Hearts

Igor Starkov via Unsplash

musical selection: cherrelle|everything I miss at home

A Haibun

She placed her cold hands on the blue of her fur coat — enraptured by the clouds’ sadness, she felt her heart move in and out of time. He was supposed to meet her there. They agreed. Time. Date. Place. She was there. He wasn’t. Where could he be? She thought to call him, maybe he needed a reminder — a nudge. The wind bit her cheeks with its presence — stuck in place, she dreaded the feeling coming over her. Is she being stood up again?

wrapped in stunning blue
her cold hands hugged her body
biting wind kissed her

The sun peeked in on her. It nodded in her direction, shone a powerful ray her way, and stepped back behind the clouds. She picked up her phone. She pressed 3, held down the number for three seconds, and watched his name appear on her screen. She’d call. He’d answer. They’d discuss things again. Time. Date. Place. He’d calmly explain how he was busy and seemingly forgot about their date. She’d hear someone in the background, a woman’s voice. She’d know — instantly, she’d know. There is no room for her.

the perks of speed dial
a convenience she needed
to find out the truth

An amusement park date. Just like during her teenage years . . . Danny Simpkins said to meet him there then. Bring a towel, your favorite sneakers, fireworks, and a flashlight, he said. She arrived fifteen minutes early. She had everything she needed and what he wanted. She waited. And waited. And waited. Danny Simpkins did show up, but with someone else — Tori Barksdale, the most popular girl in school. She watched him pepper the ground with his hot steps. Her eyes turning on her. Her heart, a sack of doomsday. She felt her world ending.

silly boys break hearts
unaware of life’s deep pain
girls pick up pieces

She thought back to those days and remembered how she vowed to never let her heart break into a million pieces again. She was older. She was stronger. She knew how to remove herself from a situation before it could shake her down and melt her into a puddle of pain. Around her, children cheered on the carousel. Their little voices loud enough to pop her eardrums. This was her place of renewal. She would be okay. She would go on. She would know another Danny Simpkins and Travis Calloway on sight.

a pact she had claimed —
to love herself so much more
and grow from the pain

Now, she watches the moon open its eyes. The night air creeps in coolly, nestled behind the sway of the trees. She pulls her coat tighter, presses the fur closest to her skin, and dreams of disappearing. “I hope she never feels the way I do. I hope he keeps his promises to her.” She thought this to herself — empathetic to the woman’s heart because she knows what pain feels like; what a broken heart needs in order to mend. Funny, she’s had to break herself down and build herself up over and over again. She was just like that amusement park.

each year, some new fun
gone again until the fall
amusement for all.


Originally published in P.S. I Love You via Medium. Shared is the “Friend Link” since this is a Medium paywall piece. Thank you for reading.

White Lightning Love

Or, The Tale of the Untamed

you fly through time parting ways
beneath soiled covers, your lips
the color of chilled steel
puckered up for acceptance
all paths lead to you
a never-ending dream that loops 
on creepy days, fingertips moisten
my rigid limbs — settled like coffee
grounds at the bottom of a mug

I sort the many memories of you
dig through an oasis, walk an
invisible path
you are eons away from my touch
crafty, your way of loving
eluding my embrace
I knew you’d be the near-death of me
but, I held on

how’d you know the moment
to re-enter my life?
I was done believing in you
you cannot be tamed, white lightning, 
bottled up but unable to be shared
we have no extra glasses, no cheers
to a new beginning
my happiness, I thought, 
ended with you

here you are, the ghost that ghosted
me years before disappearing acts
were trendy
oh, you shifty lover
leave me sick in my bones
do not resuscitate


Originally published in P.S. I Love You via Medium.