Category: Fear

free verse (audio) poem

if you are lucky — blessed — you have 
someone monitoring your health
as best as they can. 
if you’re falling off in any way,
they’re there to pick you back up
and remind you, “There’s still
living to do.”

I now know the importance of
keeping my eyes shielded for 
as long as I can.
wearing scleral contacts for at least
ten hours per day has helped my
left eye, however, my right
eye is progressing.
according to my optometrist, I’m 
still in a range she thinks is “gradual”
and nothing to be concerned about
surgically, just yet.

she agrees with me that we 
should allow the additional six months
and reassess in November to see
where I stand. 
will my sight
continue to betray me or
will it slow its pace in progression
and stave off surgical procedures
for a few years or more?

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

she also broke down Corneal Collagen Cross-linking
to me in a way that didn’t terrify me or
cause me to fear attending anymore 
ophthalmology follow-up appointments.
she smiled gingerly and said, “I hate to say
this, but most surgeons are trained to give
you the worst-case scenario, and then I 
have to . . . clean up the mess.”

I listened to her as each step was 
explained, reiterated, and filtered to
my understanding, and I breathed a 
sigh of relief. 
if this procedure is needed by the end 
of the year or later, I feel less worried
about the possibility of having it performed.

when one’s vision is steadily running
in the opposite direction of 
the sighted, what does one do?
hope. pray. follow all necessary 
precautions. pray some more.
purchase all the expensive items
necessary for the care and maintenance
of the $3,500.00 each, priced lenses.

Can’t let these go to waste, right?

and as I continue to lose my sight in
one eye, it is strengthening in the other.
what can this mean?
what does this mean?
is there even any meaning to it?

my optometrist is happy with
my vision as it stands currently.
I could see what I needed to see
and people, places, and things
are still sharper in my 
line of sight.
it’s a small thing but a big thing, too.

I only wish you knew how much.

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Parts II & I

Originally published in A Cornered Gurl via Medium.