unconditional 

To know the gift of unconditional love is to become one’s true self without fear. This is a milestone and my heart is happy.

My dad called last night. We had that talk about me being bisexual. I had wanted to be able to sit with him and discuss things in person, but according to him last night, he had something “weighing on his heart.” He just came out and asked me after prefacing it with how much he loves me and how he’d never stop, also stating that no matter who I am, I am his child first and his love for me will never change. 

Him being an Episcopalian preacher has no hierarchy over his love for his child. He also said that he’d known for years but didn’t know how to approach the subject, but he’s glad that I was open with him last night, that I shared myself at my full capacity. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, it was like a casual conversation. I’m grateful for that. I believe, this will open up new doors for us. Expressing how this makes me feel has no words. I don’t think they have even been invented yet.

We all have our skeletons. I am happy mine are out of the closet. 

Nothing

Nothing: Originally shared via Instagram.

If there’s an US, I should not have to keep showing you who I am. And you should not make me feel like who I am is problematic for US. If this happens, nothing is sure to be the result of who we are: the ending. 

I Thought To Call, But…

Musical Selection: Ohio Players|Heaven Must Be Like This

Winter storm Diego, December, 2018.

it is cold, the snow is melting
after layering the streets of North Carolina
and I am sitting here,
like a fool trapped in her thoughts,
thinking about you and your words.

I thought to call you,
maybe you’d like to reminisce too
but I know you are not interested
in the past the way that I am.
you have always been eager to
run toward the future,
your heart hanging out of your shirt,
flailing on the ragged seams,
pretending to be true.

I was going to call, but
my neighbor forgot to pick
up after his dogs and I spent thirty minutes
arguing with myself about telling him to
handle his dogs’ business, then I remembered
how you used to say,
“You are too passionate about this world”
and I decided to keep my mouth shut.

it is still cold, the elderly woman downstairs
shuffles with her cane and taps the back
of her car and snow falls quickly to
an early death.
she coughs, cancer rattling in her chest and I
thought, I should call you…

but what would I say?


Originally published in The Junction via Medium


*Author’s Note: This past weekend, North Carolina was pummeled by Diego, a storm categorized as a “winter storm” and winter does not officially begin until December 21, 2018. Just my area alone — Winston-Salem, a city in Central North Carolina received fourteen inches of snow. That does not include sleet and ice. Let me put that in layman’s terms for anyone wondering — we received our annual snowfall estimated accumulation in just one day. One day. For a city that is used to measurable snowfall each year, usually not reaching double digits, we have handled it exceptionally well. December 17, 1930, was the last time we received over one foot of snow. Let that sink in for a minute.

Love Is Knocking

Love Is Knocking by: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I LOVE love. I love it even more when I believe it has forgotten me. I love it even more after that when I remember that it never will. As long as I keep this as the center of my thought-process when it comes to love, I will overcome my fears and feelings of loss at love. 

I am winning… I just don’t have a medal yet.