seeing the world differently now

Throwback: a photo of my dad holding me and giving me some love right after he came in from work. This is what a happy 19-year-old father looks like. I was one.

seeing the world differently now

I’ve always had big, bright eyes,
the only difference is now–I see
what I should and question it
on sight. I know what is
in front of me and
behind me, too.

©2024 Tremaine L. Loadholt

I Mother No One

Jernee Admiring Her Reflection. ©2024 Tremaine L. Loadholt


I have not given birth to anyone, but I have mothered some; auntied others. I am my dog’s world and my tortoise’s favorite human.

I am a nurturer by default, a giver by God, and a sound and whole lover. I know what I know because I’ve seen what I’ve seen.

To the mothers who have mothered without rest, haven’t had a decent meal in hours, hustling throughout the day from school drop-offs and pickups, and home to make dinner before the streetlights come on.

To those mothering, because they’ve been shoved into that role, forced to take on someone else’s children, eager to adopt the motherless & fatherless. And to the big sisters, big brothers, aunties, and uncles.

To those of you grieving a mother. Crying without sound. Worried if you’ll feel whole again. Living without your mother or mothering human, yet still hurting and longing for their presence, I see you. You are loved and I hope today doesn’t burden you too much.

To mothers of pets cradling their fur babies or singing with their feathered friends or being envious of their reptilian or amphibian creatures. You aren’t lost on me. I know what it takes to keep a pet (s) healthy and not lose your sanity in the process.

To all of you doing what you can, however you can, and whenever you can . . . I hope this Mother’s Day will be a blessing and not a curse. Joy and not sadness. Holy and not evil. And I say that with a love that has no words and cannot be fully described.

You are, every one of you, cherished and admired, and my highest thought of you is one of complete and total adoration.

Peace and blessings.

NaPoWriMo #16

longing

pacing the packed floors
of my crowded mind
I find voices that are
not my own
longing to be guided to
their own resting places

how did they get here
when will they leave

someone outside of my
body shouts
“YOU SHOULDN’T ASK QUESTIONS YOU DON’T
WANT THE ANSWERS TO!”

and I instantly sit back
in my ergonomics swivel
chair and shut up

NaPoWriMo #12

plucking chin hair on a Wednesday night

an audio poem

plucking chin hair on a Wednesday night

no one ever told me
aging would mean
facial creams
lactose alternatives
tweezing chin hair
or massaging achy knees
all before 10 PM

I would’ve appreciated
the memo

instead, I’m stuck
doing all these things
and plucking ingrown hairs
from a stubborn chin
as I listen to
soft soul music
via surround sound
on a Wednesday night

the dog stands at
the master bath’s doorway
watching me fit a face
that takes so much
work to hold up against
all odds

I wonder if she has
a better way to
calm perimenopausal
symptoms or if she’s
just being so damn nosy