Featured Poem of the Week

TheWayISam:

Sam is a fairly new contributor to A Cornered Gurl and she came thundering through the publication’s queue with a powerful, but a subtle-in-emotion poem about insomnia. She is making her mark on Medium and doing so tremendously. With addictive language and great line placement in her poetry, I am happy to have Sam in ACG via Medium and this week, Insomnia is the feature.

Photo by Megan te Boekhorst on Unsplash

Primp and prep and spray
Lavender to melt the day away

Pins and needles poke me as I lay in bed
Awake.

Tortured by my thoughts
My worries consume me

My anticipation energizes me
The moment my head hits the pillow
I’m Awake.

Snoring echoes all around me
Amplified by the silence

Suffocated with exaggeration
And taunts me.

I am truly astonished by your ease in bed
When awake, you are a ball of nerves.
You are asleep mid-sentence
Fully tranquilized by contact with a pillow.

No drug or music
No distraction or sedation
Will rouse me from this Hell.
I’m Awake
.


Originally published via A Cornered Gurl on Medium.

The Journey Back To Wellness


ShadowCreek
Devil’s Creek and my shadow, Bakersville, NC|Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Part II: Getting Personal|Lune, 10 Parts

so close to one month
we’ve shared me
now, she’s sharing her.

simple, welcoming
divine words
calm this fragile soul.

we discuss a plan
towards peace
what will help shape me?

Devil’s creek becomes
a safe place —
a sweet memory.

I pull from it love
that I need
when days are so hard.

“give yourself new things,
inspire
yourself in new ways.”

went to the mountains,
breathed fresh air,
found a sense of home

and left the pieces
of my world
that’d been crushing me.

she says, “you’re solid,
a still rock,
but it’s time to move.”

I hear her, I do.
but instinct
has its claws in me.


*My therapist is teaching me how to better listen to my surroundings, especially in places of peace. I have taken a ton of pictures of late and with each passing day, in those photos, and around me, I am pulling out what I need and leaving what I do not. I still have a long road ahead of me, though.

Thank you for reading.


Part I

The Journey Back To Mental Wellness: My First Therapy Session

Originally published in A Cornered Gurl via Medium.

The Journey Back to Mental Wellness

My First Therapist Session

koreansoup
Korean Soup for the Soul. My good friend Heej/Classical Sass makes this per my request every time I visit. It is a happy place for me. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

found myself working through a fit of disconnectedness on Wednesday, March 20, 2019, simply trying to get through the day to get to my first therapist appointment at 12:30 pm. Jernee spiked a fever the day before and we had been to the Vet’s office for what was supposed to be just her annual exam but turned into a big-to-do because the fever would not break, however, given one day to rest and be at home to romp about at will, she began to feel much better. Wednesday also found me in a meeting at my job for most of my scheduled half-day of work, so I felt all out of sorts with just a little bit more weight on my shoulders from Tuesday’s doggy shenanigans.

But, when I walked through the door of the psychiatric practice/mood treatment facility, a calming sense of peace came over me. I registered at the check-in desk by presenting my insurance card, recent lab work, and my Living Will and Testament. I paid my copay and before I could sit down, the lady who would be my therapist greeted me at the door to lead me on my journey and even said my name correctly. If I had a gold star in my pocket, she would have received it. We circled the hall and walked towards her office where she guided me to a medium-sized room, big enough for a comfortable couch, two even more comfortable chairs, and her desk space/work area.

She added to my increased level of comfort by asking me which type of lighting I preferred. I said to myself, “I am going to like her.” And, I did. I do. We began by breaking the ice, introducing ourselves, and then she said, “So, tell me what is going on,” and I let it rip. I started from when I noticed my mood changes and my decline in happiness and overall feeling of unworthiness and informed her that it all came to an intense spike a couple of weeks ago. As I was talking, I maintained eye contact, and so did she. She only broke my verbal stride to clarify what I was saying and to be sure she heard everything correctly. She took actual notes, reading back to me what was stated to her.

The entire session felt like a conversational hug — like something I had deep down inside, tucked in a corner that was afraid to come out, and at that moment, decided to present itself to be coddled. I felt a sense of genuine welcome and there was soft lighting in every nook of the office with a fragrance that smelled close to vanilla or lavender or a mixture of both in the air. I did not feel any pressure. Oddly enough, this space, the one we created, seemed very much like a space of peace.

Just like the soup that you see as the photo above, the space we created was my happy place. I felt warm, understood, and heard. I had a voice with her. She acknowledged my concern and addressed it, and advised me to continue to use the tools that I am using to increase my happiness and shift my mood when a dark cloud hovers, however, she was vocal about contacting her directly if I felt as though a volcanic eruption could occur. She is letting me set my schedule to meet with her and at this time, I feel as though, twice per month, will be good.

The next session, we will get deeper into other helpful tools that will assist me in getting back to a level of balance and to also learn about a few other things that can combat the molehill that I have possibly turned into a mountain simply because that is how it feels. There is a good chance that I may have some homework too, she actually said this, “Tre, I may give you some homework as time goes on.” Overall, my first impression of her? Genuine — is doing the job she is meant to do, and a great listener.

I think I am on my way… In time, at least, I hope so

 


Originally published via A Cornered Gurl on Medium.

My Journey so far:

The Caretaker & Biting the Bullet

Justice–Where Is Your Place?

ladyjustice
Pictures of Lady Justice Art

Justice, where is your place
in damned cities and states unsure
of their constitutional rights?
Are you equipped to handle the damaging
tides rushing in and submerging people
under your watch?

Tasked with satisfying everyone
regarding everything, Justice, can you
handle your job?
Will you pass it down to your
offspring or shield them from the heartache
it will cause trying to manage
what cannot be?
Where is your listening ear
when the death tolls rise?

Justice, you used to be punctual.
Lately, you are beating around bushes
and lollygagging with teenagers unsure
of their place in this world.
I was certain that we paid you well.
I was sure that you had everything you needed.

Justice, how many more lives
must be taken for you to see
that the world is less humane
when you’re off duty?
How many more days will pass
without you willing to change and clean
up the messes you have made?

You used to be admirable,
a timeless happenstance that everyone
adored.
You used to be d e p e n d a b l e.
Now, Justice, you are fading from view
and the place you once held is
the place you hide from.
You are homeless,
Void of concern and care
and irresponsible.

Who should we turn to?