an undeniable peace

Photo by PNW Production via Pexels

before the workday
began, I sent a few
prayers up for
strength and endurance
and for peace.

this week has been
a storm wrapped in
a tsunami yet I
have the pleasure
of working with
an amazing team–a
beautiful bunch of
people who see
the storm and react
accordingly.

we tackle every
obstacle we’ve trained
for effortlessly–loading
hard times on our
backs–our proverbial
crosses to bear, and
we march forth,
determined to complete
every task.

there is an
undeniable peace in
knowing suffering isn’t
an act of alone(ness)–it
is never as brutal
as it can be when
the number is
just one.

Gratitude for the Future

Last night, I started keeping a gratitude journal for a recently introduced venture to take place in the near future. I journal regularly, but only to write out my thoughts, feelings, and perhaps the day I’ve had for reflection.

I am thankful for the gifts & talents with which I’ve been blessed, and it is an awesome experience to have people recognize them.

Below is a picture of the quote on the front cover of my journal.

Sunday has given me another chance to wake up and do great things to help and shine a light on some beautiful people. And I am going to do that.

I think I am headed in the right direction. I hope your day will be an outstanding one!

Front Cover Journal Quote Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I Can’t Say Goodbye

My beautiful cousin, most like a mom, Chrissy.

the final breath
sweeps you like a heavy rain
my heart instantly breaks

a short time here
on Earth, finally you’re
called home

they give details
of your transition–my soul
crushes without warning

you have been my
refuge for decades
how will I go on


My cousin, who contracted the Coronavirus, COVID-19 and was immunocompromised, fully vaccinated & boosted, breathed her last breath on Friday, February 18, 2022. When the call came for me to say goodbye, all I could truly say was, “I love you. I love you so much.” I’ve been crying off and on for hours on end, and I’m sure the pain won’t let up anytime soon. There’s a huge hole in my heart right now, and I’m changed forever.

The Babies Are My Energy

It’s amazing how much of my brothers I see in their children. Joshua sent me the photo you see above of him and Sarai, and I instantly thought about how much my niece looks like my younger brother when he was a toddler. He was BAD. OMG! Joshua was such a handful. I am certain I had high blood pressure dealing with him while he was growing up. Lol. Thyrie looks so much like TJ when he was a baby. I think back to the days of him growing up and I get a little emotional. We’ve always been close. He’s the brother everyone says, “OMG, y’all look just alike” about, and I just nod and smile.

Me and TJ, about 5 years ago.

Their children are my energy. I push myself so that I’ll one day reconnect with all of them. I moved away from home when I was eighteen years old. Truth be told, I was running away from things I didn’t care for and wanted to be far away from, and I just kept running.

But receiving photos of the beautiful additions to my family’s bloodline and being so far away from them all gets to me sometimes. I am missing so much. I breathe in and dream of these little ones. I breathe out and ponder on their whereabouts and well-being.

When everything seems to be branding me with anger and pain, I think about them, and my energy is renewed.

A Change of Plans

Living room view #1
Living room view #2
Living room view #3 & Jernee

After debating for the last week because my anxiety has been through the roof about this move, I’ve decided to stay at my current location. Thankfully, I recently received a raise from my job and our job is issuing significant bonuses in a few weeks and I still get my quarterly bonuses for meeting or exceeding my scheduling metrics. This takes a bit of the stress off of me financially, especially having received the raise.

I contacted my current apartment complex and thankfully, no one had leased my apartment. I renewed my lease and everything is back in order. I love my place. I love my neighborhood. I was sincerely dreading moving but without this most recent increase in income, I would have had to move.

Since I unpacked everything and got my place cleaned and back in order, I decided to rearrange my living room furniture. That’s why I’m sharing these pictures. I love the setup. It took Jernee the entire Tuesday morning and into mid-afternoon before she adjusted to the change. She is NOT a fan of change. Lol. I like it. I think I’ll leave it this way until we move in the future.

I still have a goal of moving to Asheville, North Carolina or very near to it in the next two to three years. I’m patient. I think I’m right where I need to be until it’s time for me not to be here anymore.