Category: Faith

Rolling Around the Past with My Present

trE

A free verse poem

A quick selfie before I raced back onto the skating rink. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I am in tune — my body
connects with my soul
as I rolled around the
skating rink.

Life has a funny way of
bringing you back
full circle — to where you
should have been a
decade ago, but here you
are now … ready to dive
into a pastime and you 
cannot remember why 
you let it go.

The music is blasting — speakers
are thumping with artists you
wish you could meet
in person. 
The strobe light spins and
shines … this is your forgotten
wonderland — your place
of peace.

As I smoothly circled around
the hardwood floor, hoodie
swaying in the breeze, I
would’ve paid good
money to see how wide the
smile was on my face.

My past used to torture me;
it used to send me into a
downward spiral and the
climb upward always catapulted me
into a fretful fit. 
And now, there’s this — this
pure goodness I should’ve
welcomed back with open
arms before today.

But maybe it wasn’t
time yet. 
Maybe I hadn’t reached the
place of growth I needed to
reach, and God is always
on time.

So, I am here … back in
this space that sends
me into an armful of
happiness with much
leftover to share — rolling
around the rink, reminiscent
of my past as I share it
with my present.

Originally published in soliloque via Medium.

we’re growing

trE

and growth is essential …
I can talk to my father about
my mental health limitations,
and he breathes through my
explanations, urging himself
to understand.

four years ago, when I told him
I was bisexual, my father knew–
he didn’t flinch, didn’t judge,
and most importantly did not
condemn me.
He simply said, “I’d always known,
I just never knew how to
approach it. What hurts me,
though, is you felt that you
couldn’t tell me.”

and all my life, I’d seen sinners
and saints sinning the same,
and one plucked as a favorite
over the other, so I opened the
closet, and sat safely there …
for 30 years.

and now, gracefully shining
in my 40s, I can say, “Daddy,
remember when?” as I talk about
my closeted days, and he’ll say,
“Yes, baby, I do. And we’re past
that. And we’re growing.”

and we are.
we really are.

Your Silence Is HURTING My Ears​

trE

It’s funny that silence can hurt your ears. But I guess your ears aren’t any different than your heart.

Your Silence Is HURTING My Ears​

Because this just touched me in a way I didn’t think it would. I understand. I relate. Maybe you can or did, too, at some point in your life.

Pay Belladonna a visit. You will not be disappointed.

Peace and blessings.

No Negative Energy, Please.

trE
YouVersion Bible App
No Negative Energy, Please.

For the audio content for this post, please click the file above. The situation that occurred was too heavy on my heart tonight to simply write about it. I had to record it. Please know and understand, I recognize the fact that I cannot get rid of my mom–she is a total part of my life, but there will be things that will change for me to be able to continue to be around her without completely breaking down.

Her energy will have to shift. And I pray that we grow to a place where I can see that happen before one of us dies.

Take care of yourself, and be well.