And love has no bite
If I had a magic wand, my life would not include me saying the following statement multiple times a week: “No, I am not taking any visitors at this time. Due to my line of work, it’s best that I do not.” For those of you who do not know, I am a Patient Access Specialist turned Screener for an imaging facility. My transitional position, due to the Coronavirus COVID-19, places me front and center in surveying patients and taking their temperatures prior to entering our waiting areas. I screen anywhere from one hundred twenty to one hundred eighty-five people per day with a low to moderate percentage of exposure to the virus.
Some family members get the importance of my refusals to their requests, others want to test the waters of me and see how far they can take their reach without me blocking it or shutting it down. I am not one who likes repeating herself but for this, I make sure I am loud and clear.
I will miss out on a few opportunities for gathering with family this summer and it is because I have to take every precaution to ensure my safety and the safety of others. My health is important. I want to be sure it remains intact for the foreseeable future.
I have brothers, cousins, uncles, and aunts who want to visit from various Coronavirus, COVID-19 hotspots across the nation and in my mind, all I can think is, “Why would you want to visit me while we’re in the middle of a global pandemic? Why do you think I want you to?” Politely declining family gatherings and visitations is becoming my forté but I have no regrets. At least, not right now.
But how will I feel when the night barks and love has no bite? What will I do when the yearning for a hug becomes the one prayer I lend to God religiously? Am I strong enough? Will my defiance of running toward “some sense of normalcy” get the best of me? Only time will tell.
Right now, I am in avoidance mode and for several reasons. I cannot, in good faith, slack off in any way on the methods of survival and remaining virus-free if I give in to the simple requests of others.
To an unbearable extent, everyone is antsy. They’re ready to experience life the way they knew it to be Pre-Coronavirus days, but I am faced with the reality of its deadliness every single day and I am in no rush to gain a life back that does not have what I mostly need from it.
I have had the ungodly task of living through sixteen days wrought with worry while a co-worker panted through the depths of Hell and came back from a rigorous bout with said virus and the last thing I want is to be in his shoes. No, thank you.
It breaks my heart to not be able to see, spend time with, and share in the love of my beautiful family, but I love them enough to know I am bad for their health and to keep myself away from them regardless of their pleas. I love them enough to want them to live through this phase of life, come out unscathed, and tell the story of it.
The night does pull at me and oftentimes, I haven’t the strength to conquer it. A few loud barks from its deep voice doesn’t scare me. I don’t even flinch.
But, I will be completely transparent, it’s the absence of the vastness of love and all versions of it I miss the most. It is the intensity of a thing I’ve forced myself to believe I want more than breathing. I want to live through this pandemic and share stories of it with the same loved ones pressing me to open up my door and let them in.
Will I lose their admiration and perhaps the closeness we’ve had over the years? It is a possibility. But, I’d rather keep the potency of love in its full form in my heart than run the risk of losing its bite.
Creative content straight from the mind of an innovator trying to shift the world with her writing.
Haiku, 3 Parts
where are you going today?
to heaven and back
or just someplace safe?
can you take me with you, please?
I’m good company
I’ll offer you peace
as you become my savior
you were my first gift
the one I didn’t have to open
to see and feel how much
it would mean to me
the things a little girl yearns for
includes the comfort of a father’s
loving arms and I needed yours–
they were always there
we have had our moments
instances of not wanting to
be wrong, yet we are
still stronger than our
you, who has my eyes,
I owe you a debt
that can never be repaid–
I have this gift of life
because you gave it
A very Happy Father’s Day to fathers young and old wise and not. We see you and we love you.
I don’t want to forget I am called to be a light in this world. I am called to move others in any way I can and at the highest level of my ability. I am called to gift people with love. I am called to uplift others when they are down. I am called to converse with, build with, grow with, and understand others. I am called to put in the work of opening my arms when my arms need to be opened. I am called to lend a shoulder when a shoulder is needed.
But, I am not called to endure empty rhetoric, words filled with hate, and people who do not wish to understand what they do not understand and be open-minded regarding the plight of others. I am not called to stand for what I do not believe in or to respect actions deeply rooted in harming other human beings. I am not called to profess anything that doesn’t shift or change one fiber of your being. I am not called to hate. I am not called to harm. I am not called to be an enemy.
I will be what I am called to be and I will not allow you to steer me in a direction in which I am not called to go. I am not led by your hand. I am not led by your heart.
“You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid.”
Matthew 5:14 GNT