Winter’s Mind Games

Photo by Denys Nevozhai via Unsplash

She sits carelessly at the edge
of my weakened eyes.
I know what she wants.
I know what she needs.
She flits in and out of our
lives, carrying a depth we
cannot understand.

One day, she’s showering snow,
the next, she’s spitting rain down
on us and I am ready for her to
make up her mind.
I step outside to a burst of
cold air that wraps me up
instantly and settles in every
agile joint and I wince.

I layer up to deal with the
bitterness of her breath; my head
is completely covered.
My arms are flailing in protest.
What will the rest of this day bring?
It is half-past 10 in the morning;
the thermostat hasn’t budged.

I sneak back inside from a
dreaded walk, douse my hands
in warm water and soap, 
and, crawl under the comfort
of a thick blanket.

The other day, she blew a bit of
sun in our direction, falsifying
her presence.
I thought for sure, she’d
nestle up in my corner
and bank in on consistency.
I was wrong.

I talk to Winter. I tell her
how much I love her,
how much I appreciate her
yearly appearance, but we
have our disagreements.
I’m willing to acknowledge them
if she’s willing to be an adult
about her wishy-washy ways.

It is a quarter to 2 and the
afternoon is lingering on,
teasing me with her
physique. I’ve decided I’m
done being a toy for Winter.

She can run those
mind games on someone
else.


Originally published in P. S. I Love You via Medium.

snow-kissed trees #2

Lune #11 of 25

SnowTrees3
snow-kissed by the winter, sun-beaten wind. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

the sun-beaten wind
loses strength
and kisses the trees


*A lune (rhymes with moon) is a very short poem. It has only three lines. It is similar to a haiku. A haiku has three lines, and it follows a 5/7/5 syllable pattern. The lune’s syllable pattern is 5/3/5. Since the middle line is limited to three syllables, it is often the shortest line of the three. This makes a lune curve a bit like a crescent moon.

For the next twenty-five days, except Saturdays and Sundays, I will share a lune with each of you. This is Lune #11 of this project.

For The One I Cannot Know

I will save a slither of humanity
for you, my cards held tightly
in my hand.
Do you have any hearts, my love?
I wonder at the gates of your
quivering lips, yearn to know
of the overwhelming tides that
broach upon your waters.
How can I buoy you?

This corybantic life has no end,
we race for a place in this world,
yet our souls have already
outlived the past.
You say that the mystics
won’t allow you to love,
your heart is trapped in
a closet, confined to darkness.
How then will I bring you
to light?

I have given you life in
the oddest of places,
conjured up beauty indescribable
and attached it to your eyes.
To those who don’t know you,
they know you through me.
This isn’t enough, though.
You slit your wrists, cleverly
avoiding consequences like
you’re famous for doing and I
swallow every condolence,
aching from your premature exit.

Oh love, where can I go
to be free of you, the you
I cannot know?
The fox in the woods
hunts for prey.
The bear hibernates, full
from months of gluttony.
The raven caws at dawn.
And I . . .
I burrow myself
in a time that can never
reveal who we are.

The saga always
continues.

The Walk

An Experiment

Jernee, The Little Monster: Becoming familiar with nature. Photo Credit/Tremaine L. Loadholt

nicknames aren’t what most aspire to.
we’re often saddled with descriptions
that lessen our personality,
but “the little Monster” suits Jernee.
on walks, she sets her eyes
curiously on nature’s green gifts,
sniffing out the elite versus the subpar.
she has a system.
I am watchful, yet patient.
I admire her investigative process, her
obsession with marking her territory.

I give her space to explore
crumbled earth between her toes,
the dust settling on her paws
becomes a lickable treat after two miles.
we break for hydration and deep breaths,
neither of us — as young as we feel.
during Winter, the dew-drenched grass
is slick and tricky but doesn’t trip
the quick pace of a four-legged athlete.
she glides through the sea of green
without stopping.

life is less difficult with her around.
the walks we take, they are glue
for pieces of me prone to breaking and
in need of constant repair.
she senses my love for them, for her.
in every step, I witness a pet
who is confident in her role as
caregiver, as companion.

I don’t have to be anyone else.
she gives me space to adapt
whenever adaptation is necessary.
I favor the weekend morning walk.
we stroll and strut and spend
our time wisely.
just us, the wind, God, and the clouds…

and the knowledge of a connection
between a woman and her dog.


My little dog — a heartbeat at my feet. ©Edith Wharton

This is my eleventh year with Jernee by my side. You may hear people say, “I don’t know who rescued who,” but I do know and I can say without one shadow of doubt, that with her — I am much better. With her, I am alive.