I Will Not Chase You

Sébastien Conejo via Mixkit.co

You Are Free To Run Away

Communication . . . The human brain often relies on this form of connectivity — developing a bond through talking, hopefully, to better understand our loved ones and the people we meet. But how can we further strengthen a bond when we encounter someone who fails to communicate to us their need to leave, exit, and do away with us as their loved one?

Some people are quite savvy at discarding people like garbage. I have never been a ghoster. It really isn’t in me to just stop speaking to someone without learning, feeling, or realizing that this is perhaps what they want. If you are in tune with the air and space around you, moments of peace offer sound revelations. I have had to make two extremely tough decisions recently and both have broken my heart.

You know when someone needs space. If you’re a reader of subtle hints and can pick up on clues, you feel when someone doesn’t want or need you around. It really isn’t rocket science or an invasive study of some devastating happening in the body.

You. Just. Know.

And when you know, how you approach that situation can make or break your relationship. If you have come across ghosting behavior before, you know the signs. They appear without a warning. You do not get a caution light or an alarm. You just need to be prepared. What I have come to recognize as tell-tale signs of inevitable ghosting are as follows:

One-word responses.

They are no longer eager to speak to you.

You don’t hang out because there’s an excuse on their end — they are always busy.

They don’t return phone calls or respond to text messages when they did so in the past.

They aren’t the least bit concerned about your well-being.

If you don’t reach out to them, they won’t acknowledge you: a one-sided relationship ensues.

If there have ever been at least three of the above things taking place, ghosting surely followed. Therapy is teaching me not to hold onto people, not to cling to them regardless of the years invested or how we’ve come to be. I am learning that everyone makes their beds and everyone has to lie in them.

If we are faced with the potential ending of a long-standing friendship or relationship and it is not being communicated verbally by the ghoster, chasing after them won’t stop them from running — trying to get them to stay won’t ensure their presence.

They Want To Leave.

Let them. Move out of their way. If it is in the plans for them to return to you or reconnect, they will. But you have to be willing to let them run or disappear because it is going to happen and there is no stopping it. When walls are actively tumbling down, one person cannot stop them from falling.

You have to be open enough to the possibility of certain relationships reaching their end-date. It happens . . . It is life and life surely does not stop for any of us.

I am learning to appreciate the beautiful takeaways of loving these two people and holding space for them, should they ever pop back into my life for a season. Holding space, to me, does not mean waiting around for them, it is me simply having a spot in my heart ready for them when or if they ever return and loving them while they’re away.

It is me knowing that running is sometimes the answer to one’s problems and respecting that. It is me knowing that time shifts and people grow into beings we may not recognize and these strangers must flee away from us for however long it may be — even if it is forever.

Make no mistake, I am mourning my losses. I am grieving their disappearance and distance, but I will not chase them. I will not cloud them with my worry and my sensitivities. They want the air at their backs and new waves slapping their faces. I understand this and I have stepped aside . . .

They are free to run away.


Originally published in P. S. I Love You via Medium. The link share is a friend link as this is a piece behind the paywall. Thank you for reading.

The Simple Things #4

Every Saturday, I will share three things that I believe to be the simple things in life, yet things that make me extremely happy. I invite you to do the same.

JerneeNala2
Jernee and Nala on the “Big Chair.” Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

1. dogs
2. cuddles
3. lasting friendships


Now, it’s your turn! Share with me (in the comments), three simple things in life that make you happy. Please reblog, share this post, and give others a smile and a little bit of love. If you reblog the post, please ping or tag my blog and use the words Simple Things” and Happy” as your blog entry tags.

Are you ready, folks? Can we keep the love flowing by sharing the simple things that make us happy? This is our The Simple Things Share Post #4. Have fun and let the happiness begin!

your poem (an experiment)

MUSICAL SELECTION: KINDRED THE FAMILY SOUL|WHERE WOULD I BE

Jyn Erso|Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I stood there, tilted my head at Jyn Erso
she’s as self-sufficient as the clouds — a sure thing.
I look at the army standing around her
and think to myself, “How do her confessions live?
Is she ever fearful of sharing them?”

you cut your hair, endless curls now
bounce freely, centered at the top of
a polished crown and I long to touch
them just to see if they’re real.
but, I am not supposed to say this.
so, I whisper it to Jyn and watch
the stoic look on her face create a path
for me, that leads to the screen
showing a pair of numbers,
neither of them mine.

I shared your photo with my Mom —
“She cut her hair, look at her, Mom.”
she quips a bit about the flawlessness of
your cheeks and I smile.
“She’s still such a pretty girl.”
I agree.

we can hold past hurt, pain, and ages of
uselessness in the coils of our hair —
festering old trains, hooting for the next stop.
if we aren’t careful, we’ll carry the roots
of that ancient life into the next phase
of our growth.

I watch and wonder at you —
have you severed the harmful pieces and
sheltered the others that needed
a heart to live?

I know you have.
you are good to your heart.
I stare a moment longer at Jyn,
tilt my head to the other side,
and watch my number pop
up on the screen.

I was there long
enough to appreciate a poem
birthed from the air around
an army of fantasies and impossibilities.

I stood there long
enough for your
poem
to say
“Hello.”


Originally published on Medium.

were we the way we were?

musical selection: barbara streisand|the way we were

an experiment

Barbara S. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

i am connected to you
undoubtedly,
i know you are
connected to me too.

but, has this always been?
will it always be?
or have we walked into
a territory not suitable
for broken hearts
and broken minds?

i wish i could do the math,
make my head learn
to love the numbers
of us as it does the
psychological aspects.

but i am a seeker of words
relational to the heart
not equations found
inside my head.
i have made no promises
but my word was given —

you would know love
until i could no longer
show you, tell you.
and you did.

you always will.

drifters carry little baggage
and we have far too much
of it weakening our backs.

neither of us
willing to strip away
the parts that helped
to make us whole.

i say, in the secret spaces,
“were we always the way we were
or were we who we are now — unable
to see it all before?”

i haven’t found the answer.

i hope i never will.


Originally published in The Junction via Medium.