Category: Pain

No Little Sister, No Baby Girl…

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Monterey and I at the shelter, connecting.
Monterey and I at the shelter, connecting. Again.

We had a home visit last night with this beautiful little one that you see me holding. Needless to say, my senior little one Jernee is NOT having it! The Foster Mom/Shelter Rep and I both agreed that she’d be better off in another home. I am happy to have gotten a chance to cuddle with this baby and connect with her on a small scale. 

It’s my old lady Jernee and I until it’s not. *Just look at her eyes!* But my heart is loyal to Jernee, she calls the shots. I just wish she’d be open to letting me love another little one as much as I love her. She’ll be eleven soon and her overprotective/possessive/jealous ways set the tone for our home. I have learned that Jernee will not make it a welcome space for a puppy and that hurts, but that’s life. 

Jernee, shortly after the home visit. When I look at those eyes, I cannot do anything else but love her.

Not For Old Time’s Sake

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he came over to chain my door,
to give an extra sense of security,
and I watched him choose
between two drills and hundreds of bits
as he examined the space.

metal.
thick, double-paned.
hollow.

he tapped the nails, then screwed
them, then drilled, then tapped again
and I remembered how eager he used
to be to make me happy
but I couldn’t muster up
any love for him no matter
how hard I tried.

today, he left me with extra bolts,
extra locks, and an extra dent
in my heart.
I should feel something for him,
I should, but I don’t.

and now his damn cologne
is all that I smell.
how will I get rid of that?