For the audio content for this post, please click the file above. The situation that occurred was too heavy on my heart tonight to simply write about it. I had to record it. Please know and understand, I recognize the fact that I cannot get rid of my mom–she is a total part of my life, but there will be things that will change for me to be able to continue to be around her without completely breaking down.
Her energy will have to shift. And I pray that we grow to a place where I can see that happen before one of us dies.
before the workday began, I sent a few prayers up for strength and endurance and for peace.
this week has been a storm wrapped in a tsunami yet I have the pleasure of working with an amazing team–a beautiful bunch of people who see the storm and react accordingly.
we tackle every obstacle we’ve trained for effortlessly–loading hard times on our backs–our proverbial crosses to bear, and we march forth, determined to complete every task.
there is an undeniable peace in knowing suffering isn’t an act of alone(ness)–it is never as brutal as it can be when the number is just one.
Last night, I started keeping a gratitude journal for a recently introduced venture to take place in the near future. I journal regularly, but only to write out my thoughts, feelings, and perhaps the day I’ve had for reflection.
I am thankful for the gifts & talents with which I’ve been blessed, and it is an awesome experience to have people recognize them.
Below is a picture of the quote on the front cover of my journal.
Sunday has given me another chance to wake up and do great things to help and shine a light on some beautiful people. And I am going to do that.
I think I am headed in the right direction. I hope your day will be an outstanding one!
Front Cover Journal Quote Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
the final breath sweeps you like a heavy rain my heart instantly breaks
a short time here on Earth, finally you’re called home
they give details of your transition–my soul crushes without warning
you have been my refuge for decades how will I go on
My cousin, who contracted the Coronavirus, COVID-19 and was immunocompromised, fully vaccinated & boosted, breathed her last breath on Friday, February 18, 2022. When the call came for me to say goodbye, all I could truly say was, “I love you. I love you so much.” I’ve been crying off and on for hours on end, and I’m sure the pain won’t let up anytime soon. There’s a huge hole in my heart right now, and I’m changed forever.
My brother Joshua and my youngest niece, Sarai (Left). My youngest nephew, Thyrie (Right).
It’s amazing how much of my brothers I see in their children. Joshua sent me the photo you see above of him and Sarai, and I instantly thought about how much my niece looks like my younger brother when he was a toddler. He was BAD. OMG! Joshua was such a handful. I am certain I had high blood pressure dealing with him while he was growing up. Lol. Thyrie looks so much like TJ when he was a baby. I think back to the days of him growing up and I get a little emotional. We’ve always been close. He’s the brother everyone says, “OMG, y’all look just alike” about, and I just nod and smile.
Me and TJ, about 5 years ago.
Their children are my energy. I push myself so that I’ll one day reconnect with all of them. I moved away from home when I was eighteen years old. Truth be told, I was running away from things I didn’t care for and wanted to be far away from, and I just kept running.
But receiving photos of the beautiful additions to my family’s bloodline and being so far away from them all gets to me sometimes. I am missing so much. I breathe in and dream of these little ones. I breathe out and ponder on their whereabouts and well-being.
When everything seems to be branding me with anger and pain, I think about them, and my energy is renewed.
A Cornered Gurl 
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