Jernee Timid & I during her fifteen-minute twilight phase. Photo Credit: Karlie B. Cornelius
Fifteen minutes isn’t enough time to say goodbye to a best friend.
It’s light work. A chit-chat session. An offering for small talk.
I needed forever. I didn’t get it.
Life is a reminder that we all meet our demise. No one is exempt.
My mind knows this. It has processed the definitive inevitability of an end date one thousand times, but my heart?!
My heart is still on pause.
I worry… how long will it remain in limbo while everything else within me moves without stopping?
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
you will most likely never find me in a horde of people looking as though I’m in a place that carries comfort.
If I am, I assure you, I’m forcing my body to be at peace, to try to enjoy my surroundings. I’m never at ease in those situations.
they are few. they are far between. the path leading to them fades away more as the years pile on to my age.
I am not who I used to be, I’m a new person in an old body. I’m both familiar and unfamiliar, and this is what intrigues you.
on our terms
the most difficult thing I experienced with Jernee during her decline were the lucid moments. I feared becoming looped into their trap.
she wasn’t the same, and I knew that, heart & soul, but sometimes my baby would look up at me as if she recognized my face, and I’d be putty in five seconds.
“it’s only going to get worse” became the anthem in my home, followed by, “this sounds like a brain tumor,” and with each regressive instance, I was reassured…
I cut death to the quick, and offered it a seat at the table.
if it was going to take my baby, it’d be on our terms. but was it, though?
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
“I’d never would’ve made it this far without you” is a straight-up testimony that resonates with me.
There were many days when I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, but my eyes were open. My limbs were agile. My heart was beating. I had breath in my lungs.
God did it, and why, I may never know, but I’m so glad he keeps doing it.
This dropped in my spirit during my workout on my Gospel workout mix, and maybe it’ll work for you, too.
I feel like I’m not the only one who needs to be reminded — who really needs to know that God hasn’t given up and will not give up on you.
A writing buddy had the above book delivered to me on Saturday, September 13, 2025. I’d viewed my camera/doorbell’s activity while I was visiting with my mother and noticed someone leaving a package. I hadn’t ordered anything, so my mind began racing about what it could be. Shortly after, I recalled a lovely and talented writing friend of mine requesting my mailing address; confirming it, really, and a lightbulb flickered.
Part of me wanted to get home to see what it could possibly be, and the other part of me wanted to remain right where I was with my mom, so as to not shed any more tears for the weekend.
I was happy to see the above book. Although I would mark the age range for this book for children, ages 4-12, anyone can benefit from reading Dog Heaven. It gave me all the feels and lifted me up during my deepest moments of sorrow.
After recently losing my sweet Little Monster of 17 years, I came home from visiting my mom and found this book at my door.
A writing buddy of mine had it sent to me. Knowing my connection and love for my dog, she thought it would be the perfect gesture. Someone she knows had the same book delivered to her shortly after she dealt with the loss of her dog.
Dog Heaven not only made me smile, but it calmed my heart. It allowed me to shed a few tears while reflecting on the best memories I have of my time spent with my little one. It made me believe my purpose was fulfilled with my dog.
Chock full of happy feelings, sweet illustrations, and a loving storyline for everyone to enjoy, Dog Heaven is a great book to gift to someone grieving and dealing with a fresh loss of their pet.
It’s a tiny glimmer of hope, sprinkled with joy, and wrapped in love.
Grief is going to continue to come in waves. Mourning will only be as beautiful and self-serving as I will allow it, but this book… this book helped me immediately after the change in my life felt like real change.
If you know anyone dealing with the loss of their pet, I recommend this book. It is truly near and dear to my heart now, and I could not have asked for anything better.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
Spending my last 15 minutes with my baby, Jernee Timid, while she was in the twilight phase of her End-of-Life process. At this point, we were talking about Jernee’s character and how she was VERY MUCH a DIVA, and I am clearly not. We took time to laugh, too. Friday, September 12, 2025. Photo Credit: Karlie B. Cornelius
you didn’t know we needed to do a thorough walkthrough of your apartment to make sure the dog you say is dead is really… dead? it’s in your lease–a clause; once your pet has transitioned, in order to reverse any pet rent fees, we have to verify what needs to be verified.
silly me, here I was thinking the receipt from the vet’s office with the amount it costs for the euthanasia services would be enough. it’s not. you actually want to come to my unit, lay eyes on my private space, and look for a being who is no longer alive.
be my guest.
I’d say inconsiderate. I’d say insensitive. but this feels like garbage–the icky kind that bulges up at the bottom of the bin and sticks to the corners of it when the city comes to dump the contents in their truck. I comply. after all, we must follow the rules.
I make the request to delete my information from the PetSmart app, submit my request to deactivate Chewy, and issue a note to PetScreening that asks you to select the reason the account is no longer necessary. “Jernee Timid has passed away.” “I have re-homed Jernee Timid.” “Jernee Timid has run away.” “This profile for Jernee Timid is a duplicate.” “I am no longer residing at the associated property.”
I select the first option. I am prompted to confirm what I have selected–make sure I’m not a robot. I click submit and watch the words flash across the screen regarding how this company will make my apartment community’s property manager aware of the information I submitted to them.
everyone wants to be sure my baby has zero breaths left…that she really is taking a dirt nap, and have I really lost the best thing that has happened to my heart since learning how to love?
I could not have prepared myself for erasure of this magnitude. Jernee’s not here, but she is. Jernee’s not here, but she is. Jernee’s not here, but everyone believes that she is.
and my heart knows she is not. but my heart has a special place for her where she will always linger… and the boot soles of capitalism may take her away from me on paper, but they’ll never strip her away from the lining of a muscle that beats strongly for her in life and in death.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
Part IV: Jernee’s final bow; a sweet girl until the end.
The burial site, getting my girl all ready for an eternal dirt rest. Video captured by Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee and I, during the twilight phase of her rest before the final two doses to end her life. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
A kiss and some loving while Jernee was in a peaceful sleep. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
One final kiss to send my baby off. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee Timid right before the Vet and staff proceeded with her end-of-life process. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee has not had a full night’s rest in about a month. She snored so loudly during her twilight phase of this process. I could tell it was the best sleep ever. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
While we spent our final moments with Jernee, our vet’s office staff turned the light on to this box so the other patrons/pet owners could be aware and act accordingly. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
My Center Manager’s father-in-law made this grave marker for Jernee Timid. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee’s final resting place… On my Center Manager’s land, under a huge tree that gets a lot of shade. I think she will be VERY happy here. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Karen and I. She flew up for this day. She wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Our eyes are puffy because we had been crying. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
The box we buried her in. Simple. Sleek. Just the right size. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Tomorrow, I will spend some much-needed time with my mom in Greensboro, NC. It is her birthday weekend. She has mentioned I should not be worried about her, but birthdays are special to me, and I need to get out. The silence in my home is deafening, and I will have to get used to it, but… I want to live a little bit before sitting in the reality of what is now my life–one without Jernee Timid Loadholt.
For those of you who have been on this journey with my baby girl and I for seventeen years (or at least 5 to 10 of them), thank you. I hope you have come to know my sweet girl through me, and that she has touched you, too.
There will never be another dog like her, and I am in no hurry to get another one. I want to sit with the feel and quiet of the lack of Jernee around for quite some time. I donated so many of her belongings today: bowls, toys, collars & leashes, beds, clothing, and her crate. So many other pets will benefit from what we had to offer.
I will leave you with an excerpt from the most recent article I’ve shared about Jernee on Substack:
Overall, this day has been a journey of a lifetime. Now that I am without Jernee, what will I do? Who will I be? Where will my heart lead me next? I don’t know about all of you, but I am in no hurry to find out.
Laying Jernee to rest after a month of decline, illness, and constant changes to her mental state, I can finally breathe. Will I sleep soundly tonight? I do not know, but I welcome it if it is on the way.
I just lost the love of my life. I will never be the same. But isn’t that the purpose of something that changes you for the better—for you not to be the same once they have passed on… I think so.
I am who Jernee needed me to be, and with her death, I will have to be who I need me to be.
The circle of life bows with or without an encore.
A Cornered Gurl 
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