Scleral contacts in and headed to my optometrist appointment for a cornea check & second opinion on Corneal Collagen Cross-linking. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
if you are lucky — blessed — you have someone monitoring your health as best as they can. if you’re falling off in any way, they’re there to pick you back up and remind you, “There’s still living to do.”
I now know the importance of keeping my eyes shielded for as long as I can. wearing scleral contacts for at least ten hours per day has helped my left eye, however, my right eye is progressing. according to my optometrist, I’m still in a range she thinks is “gradual” and nothing to be concerned about surgically, just yet.
she agrees with me that we should allow the additional six months and reassess in November to see where I stand. will my sight continue to betray me or will it slow its pace in progression and stave off surgical procedures for a few years or more?
I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
she also broke down Corneal Collagen Cross-linking to me in a way that didn’t terrify me or cause me to fear attending anymore ophthalmology follow-up appointments. she smiled gingerly and said, “I hate to say this, but most surgeons are trained to give you the worst-case scenario, and then I have to . . . clean up the mess.”
I listened to her as each step was explained, reiterated, and filtered to my understanding, and I breathed a sigh of relief. if this procedure is needed by the end of the year or later, I feel less worried about the possibility of having it performed.
when one’s vision is steadily running in the opposite direction of the sighted, what does one do? hope. pray. follow all necessary precautions. pray some more. purchase all the expensive items necessary for the care and maintenance of the $3,500.00 each, priced lenses.
Can’t let these go to waste, right?
and as I continue to lose my sight in one eye, it is strengthening in the other. what can this mean? what does this mean? is there even any meaning to it?
my optometrist is happy with my vision as it stands currently. I could see what I needed to see and people, places, and things are still sharper in my line of sight. it’s a small thing but a big thing, too.
I prayed, spoke into the putrid air, and gave my worries to God.
“Place me where you want me–where I can do the most good. Please let me find a writing job where I can also be creative, but continue to help people, too.”
God has a demented sense of humor sometimes, and He will answer prayers in the most bizarre way.
But He heard me, and I now sit back in my new role moving from Entry Level Scheduling to Higher Level Scheduling (Central Scheduling Specialist, III) and he also placed me on the Engagement Team.
And what am I doing there? Writing, creating flyers, sending out company invitations, coordinating exciting events, and building with my team.
Soon, we’ll have a social media presence on Facebook, and everyone’s getting excited.
I prayed, spoke into the putrid air, and gave my worries to God.
Manifestation only takes a few moments; from your lips to God’s ears.
“Ask and you shall receive.”
This promotion was in place, and I had no idea. He moved on my behalf, and like the perfection He truly is, He was right on time.
today, I’ll visit my crush, spend time twiddling thumbs, give housewarming gifts, and listen to her laugh.
it’s fading; how I feel for her–fleeting, and that tells me time is preparing me for a different phase, peppering me with other things with which to be concerned.
and isn’t it funny? how life has a trickle down of happenings to keep us on our toes even when we’re so tired of dancing.
I’ve known them for over two years and have never seen them
Photo of my plants: Dora, Jupiter, and our newcomer, Lyric. Photo collage credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
On Saturday, December 03, 2022, I had the lovely opportunity to meet part of my work family. Yes, I said, “family.” I mean it. I’ve shared some harsh and intense days in radiology scheduling with these individuals.
We have a hard job — one that attempts to pummel us daily, but we all band together to provide support, guidance, understanding, and love to each other. I spend the bulk of my weekdays with them virtually (we work from home) and some of my Saturdays. These are my people. My family.
I have no shame in saying it. None at all.
Our direct supervisor has been trying to plan an outing for us to meet for what seems like forever, but this time, it happened. And I could not be happier.
BBQ can bring people together
One day, amidst a crazy scheduling day of the week, we all received an email including a poll on where we’d like to go and a selection of dates for when we’d like to meet.
Most of us chose yesterday and a city that is halfway between Winston-Salem and Charlotte, North Carolina. Our supervisor mentioned the barbeque spot, The Smoke Pit, and we were “all in for the win!”
This was my first outing to a restaurant to sit down and eat since before the pandemic began.
I was anxious. I was terrified. I almost backed out. But I am glad I did not.
My plate of food. Burned ends, fried okra, macaroni-n-cheese, and cornbread. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
When I arrived, only one of my team members was there. She was still sitting in her truck. I had questioned the restaurant staff about our party and no one had been inside or seated yet.
Anxiety continued to mount.
I knew everyone was on the way, but try telling that to my nerves. I decided not to pace in front of the establishment and walked over to my team member’s truck.
She had stated in our group’s text message she had already been there parked in the car lot. She was easy to spot.
We went in, grabbed a table, and waited for everyone else to arrive.
There is nothing like good food to usher in a good time. As you can see, the meal I had was not only picture-worthy, but it was satisfying as well.
Barbecue can do that. It has the power to bring people together.
Original abstract artwork by Lindilu Q, she’s also on Instagram. Photo collage by Tremaine L. Loadholt
Sharing smiles, games, and enjoying each other’s presence
Aside from the delicious food, there was a numbers game that included original paintings by one of my co-workers as gifts.
We did about three rounds of this game, and I took four different paintings home. I am going to give two of them to my mother (not pictured above).
We shared stories that involved incidents at work, how we feel about our new phone system, and missing supervisors and co-workers who have left us for other opportunities.
Our presence in this space drew attention from other customers, but we did not care. We had not seen each other or had congregated on this level in over two years, and having a blast was on the agenda.
A definite blast was had.
I conquered my fear, and it was worth it
For a little over two years, I had not sat down in a restaurant among other patrons to eat and enjoy a meal or conversation with anyone. I have placed orders with various eateries I love, selected the option for delivery or pickup, and casually went about my life.
I had a small meeting with one of my co-workers at a favorite coffee spot of mine nearly three months ago. Besides us, there were probably four to five other people in that small space. I also met up with Sherry Kappel for lunch at a spot that served patrons (and their dogs) outside a few months back as well. Neither was as overwhelming as this event nor did they send my nerves into overdrive.
This experience was a leap into something I now know I can do — I faced my fear of heading back into the “wild.”
And being with a group of people who I laugh, cry, and vent with every single workday was more than worth it.
Our supervisor not only paid for the holiday meet-up but also gave each of us a Croton houseplant (I’ve named mine “Lyric”), Christmas candy, and positive affirmations (at least 30 of them in a decorative jar). She showered us with love, just as she does every single day.
Sometimes family doesn’t have to have the same blood coursing through their veins as you. Sometimes family is who you choose and who chooses you.
A Cornered Gurl 
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