Complicated

Sunday Microfiction #4

Complicated

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

the dog and the sandman

the dog is dead
to the world.
this kind of sleep
is what I used to have
before the change,
before the crush.

there’s too much worry
in my bones – too much
brokenness. I am
whole-body ache in
need of a salve that’s evergreen.
who will deliver?

Wednesday is just
another day that my
body confuses with
Thursday, and the mind
battles with it – warring
with an enemy who
has an army of an
undisclosed amount.

I am stuck in the middle.
the dog is still dead
to the world.
she didn’t raise her head
or bat an eye.
the sandman who visits
her is clearly not the
one who will beat down
my door tonight.

we were made to move

an experimental audio poem

Contemplative Tre. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
we were made to move by Tremaine L. Loadholt

I feel her
crying soul
letting go — we’re
breaking free from
the chains we
formed around us.

breathing is like fighting
under water — struggling to
pull against every push.
I tell her “I am here” when
her mind strangles her.
I am ready to save
her from the darkness.

my friend says to me,
“I could never say no to
something like this… the way
you poured your heart out, Tre.
the way you wear your heart
on your sleeve.
if I were her, it’d be a “Yes.”

and I don’t think
people get the crux of us — the
history. we have been
sacred for years; subordinate
to manager, there were just
some roads we couldn’t
cross, and now that we have
this cross to bear, it’s
more jigsawed than ever before.

still…
I feel her
crying soul
letting go — we’re
breaking free from
the chains we
formed around us.
we were made to
move.


Author’s Note: This piece began as a bit of micropoetry I shared as a note on my Substack. I wanted to play around with it and see what else I could produce. The photo above of me helped with this process. The thoughts bouncing about in my mind needed formulating — they needed a home. I think I have found one for them.


Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

Peace and Blessings!

pain & denial

NaPoWriMo #19 A One-Line Poem

it hit me today–I always knew I had
no chance in hell, but I tried to remain
confident in my shambled self–maybe
I am meant to make others feel good,
while remnants of pain catapult me closer to denial.


Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

a day of self-love

NaPoWriMo #18 (3 6-word poems)

Birthday Shenanigans #1. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the morning)

the 45th gave birth
to smiles
.

Birthday Shenanigans #2. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the morning)
Birthday Shenanigans #3. Ugh! That stupid loc is out of place!!! 😒😒😒Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the afternoon)

I conquered some
unwanted pesky demons
.

Birthday Shenanigans #4. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the afternoon)
Birthday Shenanigans #5. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the evening) Dinner from my favorite Japanese Sushi & Steakhouse restaurant.

God decided–another year is
necessary.

Birthday Shenanigans #6. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the evening) Dinner from my favorite Japanese Sushi & Steakhouse restaurant.

April 17, 2025, was my 45th birthday. The crush showered me with gifts from Sunday until Tuesday, and then a birthday text message yesterday evening. She said Wednesday’s gift will be late, but I am not concerned about that. NO ONE has ever given me a gift a day (and these are not inexpensive dollar amounts, either), leading up to my birthday to celebrate me. NO ONE! There are no words for that–I am still digesting it. I may have someone whose giving heart is bigger than mine. I don’t know how to deal with that because I am not usually the one receiving . . . I’m usually the giver. So . . . for at least two days, I was extremely emotional and told her so, and all she could say was, “Just enjoy it.” So, I did.

Of course, I told my very close people about this, and it’d gotten to be so much a part of my birthday week that messages were coming in with the question, “So, what’s today’s gift?” And I informed them of such. One of my friends said, “A gift a day leading up to your birthday?! BAYBAY, lemme holla at my husband!” My ex/very close friend said, “Now listen here . . . I did that for *insert his wife’s name here* for our 10th anniversary. Tre, as far as I am concerned, that’s your woman.” To which I responded, “Dude, I expect this from you. LOL. We’re not there yet. We may never be. Let’s remember, she’s straight.” One of my co-workers said, “She finna be your future boo, Tre! Who is out here giving folks a gift-a-day up to their birthday and they’re not together?!” *Sighs*

I do not know how the dating world works anymore. I’ve not been in it for Y E A R S. But apparently, people don’t hear you when you say, “No, we’re just opening up a bit more with each other since I shot my shot. That’s all.”

Karen and two of my cousins loaded my account up with money. I had so many text messages and phone calls that my heart nearly exploded from the love that poured all over me. I am beyond blessed. Therapy was a necessary thing to have, and I told my psychologist I finally let the crush know, as he was waiting to see if I could conquer that hill in my life. I did. And since that monkey has been off my back, I have been breathing a bit easier.

I think life is probably going to stop lifeing for just a bit. We’ll see how long that lasts.


Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

steady: a birthday poem

NaPoWriMo #17

steady: a birthday poem ©2025 Tremaine L. Loadholt


Some parts of this poem are fiction–some of it is non-fiction. Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.