Two Things Thursday #11

1. The Darkest Child by Delores Phillips. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
2. Pictured Poem, “Mushy”. Created by Tremaine L. Loadholt

1. The Darkest Child . . . this book should have come with every type of trigger warning available, but it did not.

I cannot explain how emotionally charged I have gotten while thumbing through these pages. The author, Delores Phillips died without writing any more completed or finished works and we, as readers, cannot question her about WHY she decided to pen this particular tale.

The book is fiction, but it doesn’t feel like fiction. I’ve cried. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve had to read in passing moments to allow myself time to “heal” from the detriment and torture placed on the main characters (children) by their own mother.

It is a rollercoaster ride without a destination in sight, it seems, but it’s so enthralling that I must succeed in making it to the end.

I HIGHLY recommend this book, but I will say this . . . if you are an Empath, please prepare yourself for the pain you will feel, and give yourself time to digest this one. It is not meant to be rushed through at all. It is meant to be savored, dissected, understood, and applauded (if you make it to the end).

Here is a brief description of the book:

Set in Georgia in the 1950s, Delores Phillips’s debut historical novel, The Darkest Child (2005), follows thirteen-year-old Tangy Mae Quinn, an intelligent African American girl, as she battles to finish her education in the face of family tragedy, social upheaval, and her mother’s unthinkable abuse. Before her death in 2014, Phillips worked as a nurse in a Georgia facility that tends to abused women and children.

It is 1958, and Rozelle “Rosie” Quinn has just quit her housekeeping job. Although she is still considered a second-class citizen in Parkersfield, Georgia, she is light-skinned and beautiful. Rosie has always felt she deserved better. Tangy Mae, Rosie’s thirteen-year-old daughter, walks her home as Rosie moans in pain and announces to all the world she is dying.

Rosie is not dying, however, only having a baby—her tenth . . .

The Darkest Child, Super Summary

2. Mushy is the first poem about one of the characters from The Darkest Child. I am writing poems because this is how I move through things that bring pain to my doorstep.

I have written three poems so far for three different characters, and I know a few more will be birthed before I am done reading this book.

I understand Mushy and her need to get far away from her mother and also the need to NOT be like her, but try as she might to remove her, her mother is in her blood–she is her mother’s child.

And there is no running away from that. And really, that’s what hurts me the most about this character. You cannot run away from who you are–you’ll always come back to YOU.

flowing

Pictured Poetry created by Tremaine L. Loadholt

I’m dealing with my therapist’s retirement announcement in my own way. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m so hopeful for her future. I wish her well, too.

But I am not looking forward to the search that is before me for a new one.

And so, I’m writing poetry about it. Of course, I am. Of course, I am.


Originally shared via Instagram.

Previously Submitted

A few poems that didn’t make the cut

Photo by Imani Bahati on Unsplash

The Weird Games Children Play

The kids play Marco Polo
without a pool
Their little hands flail wildly
in the October sun
No one is IT
Everyone chases the sound
of voices unsure
of what they’re trying to find

The Delivery Guy Is Dyslexic

243 is 234 to a keen set of eyes
buried in the head of an
amazing human being yet
try as I might
I can’t be in two places
at one time

However, he doesn’t know this
My food sits in front
of a neighbor’s door waiting
for me to retrieve it
I send a message through the
app explaining the dilemma

The digital approval of
a refund chimes in
I really just want to eat
what I ordered
without the hassle
|but I’m also empathetic to
the plight of one’s struggle
I’ll order again tomorrow

The Dog Does Not Approve of the New Arrangement

I was feeling frisky the other night
so I decided to rearrange the
living room furniture
Afterward, I cleaned and
noticed the dog focused on this
new maze inside her home

She does not approve

I nod satisfied with what I’d
accomplished and my little
friend huffs in disgust
She sniffs the furniture for clues
of sameness — I explain
everything is still here

She tilts her head up to
look in my direction and I can’t
help but feel as though I’m
being graded on my performance

I did not pass her test

This Is Not Bravery

I don’t think it brave to
exist in skin the color
of spilled lies and wake up
to a face that never changes

I didn’t ask to bleed the same
blood yet I do
and authorities Other me before
I can utter a word

It is not bravery knowing I
can die for making a sharp
right turn without a signal
in a car registered in my name
with all the updated paperwork

One false move and I
could be hashtagged

The type of privilege that offers
safety is what I envision
for everyone but centuries of
racism begs to have its
face at the ball of life
No one’s dancing . . .
we’re all too afraid to move


All poems were written in October 2021.

Originally published in CRY Magazine via Medium.

day’s end

the dog sits and stares
at me–wonders, what ….
I think she knows today
nearly pummeled me
into submission

I walked a tightrope with
loose ends and software
glitches
my voice is cracking
and the last bit of
fight I have in me
will be used
to clean this day
off my skin

tomorrow isn’t promised
but I’m already praying
it comes with more
of an appeal than
what I struggled with
today

many of us can
conquer the hard times
and jump over the
obstacles but how
many of us are willing
to admit we want
just one day of
struggle-free experiences

just one day of
getting it done without
tiresome negotiations

just one day of
not wondering how
intense the next day
will be before it even
arrives

it’s nearly day’s end
and while I have all
of this welling up
inside me, I still
believe “joy comes
in the morning.”

*Originally shared via LinkedIn on Thursday, August 25, 2022 after a stressful day of work.