Tag: Dogs

The Grieving Room

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Dressed in Red. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Finding peace at every turn and growing at my own pace

If I can be honest, this past week has been a great week for me — overall, one of the best I have had in several months. I am overjoyed to see these words typed on-screen. There were some stressful points at work, but the fantastic team I am a part of makes things much better. We all jump right in and ride the waves of the slew of calls we get, and everyone is so supportive.

It beats swimming alone when you know the tide will be at its highest. It beats chipping away at a mountain when you know you still haven’t reached its peak. It beats running away from something when all it takes is patience, prayer, and perseverance.

I am enjoying the drop in temperatures over the past few days. There is a cool breeze in the morning and at night, and the sun is not trying to body slam me into submission during the day.

This tells me — autumn is in the air, and I am here for it! It is one of my favorite seasons. I look forward to dressing in layers, drinking hot cocoa, making stews and crockpot soups, and cuddling under my favorite blanket with Jernee.

Peace is moving in steadily, and I invite it with open arms.

A moment to relax and enjoy a favorite pastime

Last night, Friday, August 12, 2022, I watched Dog Gone Trouble via Netflix. After I’d rid myself of the workday, walked Jernee, ate dinner, and snuggled up with the Little Monster in my favorite chair, I switched on Netflix for what has become a favorite pastime of mine — ending my workdays with laughter and animated goodness or enjoying a weekend bonanza of all things kid-friendly.

My happy place is a space for all ages, yet I am content experiencing it alone.

This movie had so many high points for me and, of course, a lesson I believe most adults could benefit from, especially nowadays. Just in case you’re interested, the trailer is below.

Dog Gone Trouble. Netflix ©2021.

I will give you a bit of a spoiler — the dancing tree squirrels will have you laughing your head off with the leader’s crazy amount of phrasings, including the word “nuts.” Trouble (the dog) actually says on more than one occasion — and I am paraphrasing — “This just sounds so inappropriate.”

If you love to laugh, enjoy cartoons or animated movies, and have about one hour and 30 minutes to spare, then give yourself the gift of Dog Gone Trouble. It’s worth it.

Comfort foods and their impact

Sunday, August 06, 2022, I made one of my favorite comfort foods. There’s nothing truly special about it — it’s made with delicious and basic ingredients and will also allow you to have leftovers for at least two to three days after you have prepared it.

What is it, Tre? you ask. I call it “hearty beef dip.” You can substitute the meat for any other meat you’d like: ground chicken, ground turkey, or ground pork. After adding cheese sauce and shredded cheese, light red kidney beans, onions, and chopped spinach, what you get is a feast in your mouth as you dip corn chips into this hearty goodness.

An animated image of hearty beef deep and corn chips.
Hearty beef dip & Chips. Gif created by Tremaine L. Loadholt

I learned about this basic yet filling meal from my best friend almost twenty years ago. It has been a staple in my home since then. I do not have the meal often — perhaps once every other month. But I always look forward to making it. My stomach does too.

Growing at my pace and it feels good

Soon, I will partake in something completely out of my comfort zone and new to me. I am shaking as I type this very paragraph for this newsletter, but something has moved me recently to continue to step out of my comfort zone. And doing so has gotten me to a calmer place.

This cannot be a coincidence.

If I attack or stare down fear and take it head-on, the things I avoided doing seem less scary.

I have more research to do, some basic contact emails to send, and becoming one with this new venture as I learn more about it.

*Fingers crossed I will have good news in the coming weeks*

Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one’s potential. — Bruce Lee

Welcome to The Grieving Room. I am here. You are here. We are not alone in this.

See you next Saturday.

©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt Originally published in The Grieving Room newsletter via LinkedIn.

exhaustion

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I wash my white clothes
without washing them–
re-read that …
I thought I’d selected
the settings, pressed
the start button, and
walked away from the
beginning of cleanliness
for my fabrics, but
apparently, I forgot to
do this.

there’s nothing like
finding dried laundry
detergent on your lights
and whites, and being
puzzled by this fact–
nothing like having to
actually wash your clothes
when you thought you’ve
already done this.

maybe it was working overtime
two days in a row, followed
by traveling to visit
my mom after a full
week of craziness
that almost showed no
signs of letting up.
and the cleaning and the
cooking and the caregiving
of a senior dog
or a combination of all
these things.

and now, as I listen
to the whir and hum
of my washing machine,
I am thankful for
the ability to take on
this task again from
the comfort of
my home.

Tremaine L. Loadholt

Tremaine L. Loadholt

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Many thanks to Susi Bocks for accepting these five micropoems. I am happy to be included in The Short of It. I hope you will visit the original post to like, and to possibly leave a comment.

Peace and blessings!

Susi Bocks's avatarI Write Her

vadim kaipov – Unsplash

Pressure

she sits on the sea’s floor
shaped by the world
above it–changed forever.
the workers of ancient
tongues sift through
her words, chanting
their dismissals.
the pressure from centuries
ago labels her again
and again.
is this the chosen path
home or not?

The Brave Girl Knoweth Not

enchanting winds sway
over the clandestine clouds
she speaks of hard times
the chosen few laugh
behind her back, valleys shift
to the hills of life
brave girl knoweth not
of love or impending storms
she prepares for pain

Good Dog  

good dog sleeps alone
savors the sunlight of morn
drifting into dreams
human loves her more each day
Mother Nature gifts them peace

Winter Knocks But Isn’t Allowed Entry

Temperatures tank throughout
the day, mimicking winter blues.
We shuffle along in life, wrapping
our bodies in extra clothing.
We are layered for bitter chill,
the calm…

View original post 182 more words

flash

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Jernee Timid, eating breakfast. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

morning sun slides
into my kitchen
greets the dog
while she eats

I stand back to
monitor her motions

will she keep
this batch of
food down twenty
minutes from now

or
will I find myself
racing to beat
regurgitated bits

from covering my
clean floor

we wait and see
maybe Sunday will
send peace our way

and I won’t have
to react in a
flash
always on
never off

for her

I wrote this a week ago when Jernee wasn’t feeling too well. Of course (and thankfully), she’s much better now.

contentment

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Jernee, staring outside. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

the dog rests in her
favorite spot–moments of
hard breathing pass
through her nostrils

I can hear her dreams
I wouldn’t dare disturb her
the ac kicks on and off
timed just right for
the mid-summer heat

I read stories shared by
some of the brightest
writers who have ever
held pen to paper–I’m
learning from them

tonight
I will lower myself
into the darkness–my
lips curved to perfection

and I will sing softly
to myself and to the dog
a lullaby that will push
happiness back into
the both of us

The Grieving Room

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Jernee Timid after a morning of making me worry myself nearly into a fit. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Finding inspiration wherever I can

I signed up for overtime this past Thursday for work this morning, and low and behold … Jernee had other plans for me — for us. The Little Monster’s history is riddled with relapses because of GERD and hemorrhagic gastroenteritis. I am no stranger to these abrupt changes in our routines, but it can be frustrating and equally taxing.

About 6 years ago, I would silently blame Jernee for many of the things I missed out on because of those relapses. There have been several concerts (Maze featuring Frankie Beverly, The Isley Brothers, and Mint Condition), trips, and just the ordinary weekend trip away or visit to my best friend’s home I have had to cancel because attending to my dog came first.

A sudden illness sparked by whatever in this sweet baby has always halted any plans I have made. One would think I wouldn’t be as strict on planning as I am, given the fact many of my plans have been shot entirely in the ground, but I do still plan. I am optimistic about what I would like to do and often want to see them through.

I have learned to live with these occurrences. There is no way for me to know whenever she will fall ill, just as there is no way for me to know when I will not be at my best, either. Taking it in stride whenever I am able helps me to deal with her illnesses and now, her age.

I have a voice in the back of my head, though, that sometimes whispers, “Think of all the things you could have done if you weren’t caring for something/someone else.” And on these days, it is harder to get past the reality of it and move forward.

This morning, when I noticed her slow pace and the constant smacking and licking of her nose, I sprung into action. Had we overdone the morning walk? Was there something in her water bowl I overlooked? Did she lick something off the grass I didn’t quite see? What now?! What?! What?! What?!

I picked her up partway home, scaled 3 flights of stairs, and monitored her just as I have done many times before this morning.

Regardless of these things, Jernee inspires me. She has given me several essays, haiku, and other poetic forms, and memoir-like creative nonfiction stories to share. She has been endless amounts of joy for me — knowing when to paw at my face gently or land a wet kiss on my cheek.

She is an overseer of sorts, always geared up for my protection, and she will face any dog or person of any size. She loves me that much. Her health is my concern and if I have to take time away from grinding and enjoying some brief moments in life, I will continue to do it.

If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am. — Charles Yu

The Good Place and writing through grief

This past Monday, July 11, 2022, I had the day off to recover from the busy weekend we had last weekend. A couple days before my kid sister’s arrival, at the recommendation of a good friend of mine, I began watching The Good Place on Netflix.

I will be honest. I made it to episode 3 of season 1 and had thought I’d had enough. I sent my friend a text message basically telling her I did not want to watch something that spurred a great deal of anger within me. She mentioned how she had a hard time getting through the first few episodes as well, but soldiered on to get to the core of the series.

I laid off watching it for a few days and returned to it after I had time to calm down and work through some of my emotions regarding the first 3 episodes. The satiric connotations and subtle humor did not hit me instantly, but when I allowed myself to engage in episodes 4 through 10, I understood where the series was going.

Now, as I am nearing the last few episodes of the last season, I appreciate this series more. The concept of trying to do all we can to inspire good within ourselves and others while we’re still alive has an undeniable, strong meaning.

We will not get multiple do-overs as the characters in The Good Place. We have this life — this one life — to make a powerful statement. To do good and be as kind, understanding, loving, and charitable as we can.

Of course, while watching this series, I thought about my cousin. I wondered how she would react to this series and if we’d bounce ideas off each other to bring about more creativity and love into this world. And this is where it hit me — where the pain settled in for a while, and I had to write about it.

If you were to tell me
this would be my life
ten years ago, I
would’ve uttered some
common phrases like,
“The Devil is a lie” or
“You can’t predict the
future,” and I would’ve
swiped my tongue gingerly
across my two front teeth.

Nothing can bring hell
like the death of a loved
one — like the sound of
one heart breaking into
a million pieces and scattering
itself throughout your entire
body.

How does it feel to walk
around with your insides
regrouping while you
find your center?

— I Wish You Were Still Here, Tremaine L. Loadholt

Loss will always happen. There will always be people in this world who make us cringe. There will always be moments when we want nothing more than to have as many do-overs in life as we can, but the truth is we have the time we have now to do what we need to in order to be and get better.

How many of us will choose this?

Looking forward to a much-needed release

I have therapy coming up this week. I have questions and if there aren’t answers, I will have to learn to be okay with this. But I will ask those questions. Two of those questions revolve around my job and what I believe is best for me or how much more should I dedicate myself to giving what I have and what I can to patient care and service.

I am also struggling a great deal with wanting to take on writing/editing/content creation full-time, and not landing any job opportunities revolving around the above. I read a quote somewhere by someone I will paraphrase: “A dream is a dream. Sometimes it’s not meant to be true.”

How many of us will actually land our “dream job?” How many of us will live out our lives doing what we absolutely love above any and everything else and also get paid for it? How many of us are genuinely happy when we do land that “dream job” and not just sharing the notable moments while we skirt about the less significant ones?

This week is nearly behind me, and I want to be sure I step into the next one with a happier and healthier heart in tow. I have to make that happen. No one else can.

A track that hits straight to the soul and settles in your heart … Marvin Gaye’s Inner City Blues.

Marvin Gaye, Inner City Blues

Inflation no chance
To increase finance
Bills pile up sky high
Send that boy off to die

Make me want to holler
The way they do my life
Make me want to holler
The way they do my life

Hang ups, let downs
Bad breaks, setbacks
Natural fact is (Aww honey, that)
I can’t pay my taxes

Welcome to The Grieving Room. I am here. You are here. We are not alone in this. 

See you next Saturday.

©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt Originally published in The Grieving Room newsletter via LinkedIn.