a gift to myself, but not really from myself – courtesy of the crush . . . birthday gift cards hit different, especially when you can buy all the things you’ve been eyeing and not with your own money.
as I listened to my decaffeinated coffee percolate and watched it trickle down into my new favorite mug, I wondered if it would taste better.
and, it did.
there is something orgasmic about sipping caramelized cocoa goodness with a hint of butter cream and savory mocha that sends my heart aflutter.
who knew an after-work hot beverage would boost low morale? I’ve needed this form of pick-me-up. it’s hitting all the right spots as I wait for the woman with my heart to return home safely.
she has captured it, you see . . . my heart, that is. and until I lock eyes with it again, I am a lowly soul tethered to her whims.
reminiscence begs for attention, and I find myself recalling a scene from The Golden Girls– Dorothy mentions to Blanche the irony of looking at oneself in the mirror while lying down – you’re not the same.
I know when I look at this new mug from this moment forward, a flicker of memories will flood my brain, and I will remember how it came to be a centerpiece in my cupboard.
and I, too, will never be the same.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
Saturday morning workout. I decided to cool down in the aerobics room. The fitness room was getting a little too crowded for my taste. And by “crowded,” I mean, two other people came in there. LOL! Saturday, April 19, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Besides, the aerobics room has the best mirror effects. LOL! Saturday, April 19, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Saturday’s lunch: cheesy baked potatoes with/ onions, and turnip greens. Also, a few strips of bacon. Saturday, April 19, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Zumni Tye was actually watching me move about our living room–gathering things and cleaning up. I stopped and snapped a photo because I was in total disbelief. 💙♥️💛 My tortoise baby is growing up! Saturday, April 19, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Please don’t ask me why she looks like she has lost her VERY best friend. Jernee is attitudinal these days. I never know what I am going to get when she wakes up. I just deal with it. She’s 17- she has earned the right to be a super duper grouch, and I will just be okay with it. LOL! Saturday, April 19, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
I did not go to the fitness room on Sunday. I decided to do a 2-mile walk around my neighborhood instead. I was feeling bound up and a bit more stressed than normal, so being outside in the early morning breeze was better than being cooped up in the fitness room in the basement. Sunday, April 20, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Oh, nothing… It’s just me and my shadow passing through the crosswalk. Sunday, April 20, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
I simply wanted to capture the view. Sunday, April 20, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
If you look very closely at the lightposts, you’ll see two birds. 🙂 Sunday, April 20, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Sunday night dinner: Spaghetti with ground beef, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, and spinach. YUMMY! Sunday, April 20, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
in the heat of the glory days & sun-soaked nights
haven’t had the pleasure to enjoy basking in the goodness of a secret shared in decades – my glory days and sun-soaked nights are winding down.
soon, I’ll spend them with a sandman who knows all about losing sleep over full lips instead of a broken heart.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
I melt into myself from a lazy day that mainly incorporates working out, reading, writing, cooking, staying sane, and trying not to spiral.
I morph into my grandmother, who is almost 90 years old. She is a worrier who doesn’t understand the word “No.” I overthink. I overanalyze. I overcompensate for things I should have acknowledged from my past.
The dog is clingier than normal. I think she believes I will disappear without a moment’s notice. The TV is background noise. It assists and acts as my co-writer and co-creator.
I miss out on sleep waiting for the “I’m home” message from the crush. She’s a night owl who walks home from her second job, which tears my nerves all the way up, but I applaud extra efforts in the pursuit of monetary excellence.
I say several prayers that usually involve me questioning what God has in store for my impending future, and I plop my exhausted body down on the pillow top with the enhanced cooling foam mattress topper, and sink into a deep sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night to relieve myself, but I don’t want Sunday to end. Soon after, it does. And I am left longing for its presence, hoping the next five days will hurry up.
I miss Friday already.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
it hit me today–I always knew I had no chance in hell, but I tried to remain confident in my shambled self–maybe I am meant to make others feel good, while remnants of pain catapult me closer to denial.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
Birthday Shenanigans #1. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the morning)
the 45th gave birth to smiles.
Birthday Shenanigans #2. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the morning)
Birthday Shenanigans #3. Ugh! That stupid loc is out of place!!! 😒😒😒Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the afternoon)
I conquered some unwanted pesky demons.
Birthday Shenanigans #4. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the afternoon)
Birthday Shenanigans #5. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the evening) Dinner from my favorite Japanese Sushi & Steakhouse restaurant.
God decided–another year is necessary.
Birthday Shenanigans #6. Thursday, April 17, 2025 (in the evening) Dinner from my favorite Japanese Sushi & Steakhouse restaurant.
April 17, 2025, was my 45th birthday. The crush showered me with gifts from Sunday until Tuesday, and then a birthday text message yesterday evening. She said Wednesday’s gift will be late, but I am not concerned about that. NO ONE has ever given me a gift a day (and these are not inexpensive dollar amounts, either), leading up to my birthday to celebrate me. NO ONE! There are no words for that–I am still digesting it. I may have someone whose giving heart is bigger than mine. I don’t know how to deal with that because I am not usually the one receiving . . . I’m usually the giver. So . . . for at least two days, I was extremely emotional and told her so, and all she could say was, “Just enjoy it.” So, I did.
Of course, I told my very close people about this, and it’d gotten to be so much a part of my birthday week that messages were coming in with the question, “So, what’s today’s gift?” And I informed them of such. One of my friends said, “A gift a day leading up to your birthday?! BAYBAY, lemme holla at my husband!” My ex/very close friend said, “Now listen here . . . I did that for *insert his wife’s name here* for our 10th anniversary. Tre, as far as I am concerned, that’s your woman.” To which I responded, “Dude, I expect this from you. LOL. We’re not there yet. We may never be. Let’s remember, she’s straight.” One of my co-workers said, “She finna be your future boo, Tre! Who is out here giving folks a gift-a-day up to their birthday and they’re not together?!” *Sighs*
I do not know how the dating world works anymore. I’ve not been in it for Y E A R S. But apparently, people don’t hear you when you say, “No, we’re just opening up a bit more with each other since I shot my shot. That’s all.”
Karen and two of my cousins loaded my account up with money. I had so many text messages and phone calls that my heart nearly exploded from the love that poured all over me. I am beyond blessed. Therapy was a necessary thing to have, and I told my psychologist I finally let the crush know, as he was waiting to see if I could conquer that hill in my life. I did. And since that monkey has been off my back, I have been breathing a bit easier.
I think life is probably going to stop lifeing for just a bit. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
A Cornered Gurl 
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