the dog is acting weird
I worked until a later
time than normal, and since
the end of the shift, I’ve been
trying to figure out this
different behavior.
I’ve cleaned her ears, rubbed her
belly, gave her kisses & crushed ice,
and she’s still being . . . weird.
every other day, something new
is happening. a senior dog
and her aging status is
frightening me.
it’s only Tuesday.
there’s still the rest of
this week to get through.
will we make it?
On Saturday, December 03, 2022, I had the lovely opportunity to meet part of my work family. Yes, I said, “family.” I mean it. I’ve shared some harsh and intense days in radiology scheduling with these individuals.
We have a hard job — one that attempts to pummel us daily, but we all band together to provide support, guidance, understanding, and love to each other. I spend the bulk of my weekdays with them virtually (we work from home) and some of my Saturdays. These are my people. My family.
I have no shame in saying it. None at all.
Our direct supervisor has been trying to plan an outing for us to meet for what seems like forever, but this time, it happened. And I could not be happier.
One day, amidst a crazy scheduling day of the week, we all received an email including a poll on where we’d like to go and a selection of dates for when we’d like to meet.
Most of us chose yesterday and a city that is halfway between Winston-Salem and Charlotte, North Carolina. Our supervisor mentioned the barbeque spot, The Smoke Pit, and we were “all in for the win!”
This was my first outing to a restaurant to sit down and eat since before the pandemic began.
I was anxious. I was terrified. I almost backed out. But I am glad I did not.
When I arrived, only one of my team members was there. She was still sitting in her truck. I had questioned the restaurant staff about our party and no one had been inside or seated yet.
Anxiety continued to mount.
I knew everyone was on the way, but try telling that to my nerves. I decided not to pace in front of the establishment and walked over to my team member’s truck.
She had stated in our group’s text message she had already been there parked in the car lot. She was easy to spot.
We went in, grabbed a table, and waited for everyone else to arrive.
There is nothing like good food to usher in a good time. As you can see, the meal I had was not only picture-worthy, but it was satisfying as well.
Barbecue can do that. It has the power to bring people together.
Aside from the delicious food, there was a numbers game that included original paintings by one of my co-workers as gifts.
We did about three rounds of this game, and I took four different paintings home. I am going to give two of them to my mother (not pictured above).
We shared stories that involved incidents at work, how we feel about our new phone system, and missing supervisors and co-workers who have left us for other opportunities.
Our presence in this space drew attention from other customers, but we did not care. We had not seen each other or had congregated on this level in over two years, and having a blast was on the agenda.
A definite blast was had.
For a little over two years, I had not sat down in a restaurant among other patrons to eat and enjoy a meal or conversation with anyone. I have placed orders with various eateries I love, selected the option for delivery or pickup, and casually went about my life.
I had a small meeting with one of my co-workers at a favorite coffee spot of mine nearly three months ago. Besides us, there were probably four to five other people in that small space. I also met up with Sherry Kappel for lunch at a spot that served patrons (and their dogs) outside a few months back as well. Neither was as overwhelming as this event nor did they send my nerves into overdrive.
This experience was a leap into something I now know I can do — I faced my fear of heading back into the “wild.”
And being with a group of people who I laugh, cry, and vent with every single workday was more than worth it.
Our supervisor not only paid for the holiday meet-up but also gave each of us a Croton houseplant (I’ve named mine “Lyric”), Christmas candy, and positive affirmations (at least 30 of them in a decorative jar). She showered us with love, just as she does every single day.
Sometimes family doesn’t have to have the same blood coursing through their veins as you. Sometimes family is who you choose and who chooses you.
©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt
Originally published in A Cornered Gurl via Medium.
If you have ever been trapped within your own body — a prisoner of it, living life the way you thought you were supposed to, then you will know a little about this story. There is nothing freer than the day you learn to release yourself from the fear that bound you to silence, and you open up your mouth to share who you actually are — who you have always been. There was no day more freeing than the day I came out publicly — sharing my bisexuality with friends, family, and Medium.
The timing was perfect — I couldn’t sit on the fine details of my life any longer, and waiting seemed senseless. I love who I am. And those who love me stuck around. Those who I thought loved me never did.
Love’s freedom is you
Soaring high in your own skin
Unafraid to live
I am not perfect. I never will be. But perfection is never what I sought in life. It still isn’t. I only wanted to live freely, unbound to chains or shackles of what society held for me — what religiosity said I should be. I can breathe and simply be without the dark spaces of a closet keeping me company. My family — knowing before I could utter the words — love me still. My friends, most in tune with my vibe before I could share my truth — care about my existence.
I have never been happier to be me than I am right now. And the shift that took place in my life because of it is something I will never forget.
Doubt has been erased
I am still so beautiful
With or without you
Originally published in CRY Magazine via Medium
A Cornered Gurl 
You must be logged in to post a comment.