A haibun, 2 parts

4 photos of me through four different phases/years of my life. Photo collage created by Tremaine L. Loadholt

If you have ever been trapped within your own body — a prisoner of it, living life the way you thought you were supposed to, then you will know a little about this story. There is nothing freer than the day you learn to release yourself from the fear that bound you to silence, and you open up your mouth to share who you actually are — who you have always been. There was no day more freeing than the day I came out publicly — sharing my bisexuality with friends, family, and Medium.

The timing was perfect — I couldn’t sit on the fine details of my life any longer, and waiting seemed senseless. I love who I am. And those who love me stuck around. Those who I thought loved me never did.

Love’s freedom is you
Soaring high in your own skin
Unafraid to live

I am not perfect. I never will be. But perfection is never what I sought in life. It still isn’t. I only wanted to live freely, unbound to chains or shackles of what society held for me — what religiosity said I should be. I can breathe and simply be without the dark spaces of a closet keeping me company. My family — knowing before I could utter the words — love me still. My friends, most in tune with my vibe before I could share my truth — care about my existence.

I have never been happier to be me than I am right now. And the shift that took place in my life because of it is something I will never forget.

Doubt has been erased
I am still so beautiful
With or without you

Originally published in CRY Magazine via Medium

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