12 Hours

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The body works hard
Time’s priceless
Money-hungry days

Everything’s sky high
Overtime
Increases savings

Dying on my feet
Will save me
Last chance at this life

Modern-day misfit
Making do
Twelve-hour shift’s over

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

back from Thailand & moguls get away with everything

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Two poems shared on Substack notes

back from Thailand

the crush just came
back from Thailand;
my phone is flooded
with pictures, videos,
and moments she shared with
beautiful people who
are more concerned
with nature, clean
eating, and knowing
their history.

I ask her, “Do you
feel changed now
that you’ve gotten
out of this country
for a while, and
breathed in the fresh
air of another?”

there’s silence, instead more
pictures and videos
are shared with me,
and that’s all the
answer I need.

moguls get away with everything

when you’re a mogul, the time
never fits the crime.
money and influence
can form gangs of
blackmail, and people in positions
of judicial power will crack.

it’s a game; players
learn their place or
find out how useless they are.

no one knows the
definition of loyalty
anymore and oaths
are laughable at best.

and they wonder why
silence is preferable
when the body has been defamed.

people in power
hear the stories, but
they don’t listen.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

Sometimes, I Just Need Poetry

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An audio lamentation for Jernee and this battered world of ours

Jernee Timid’s paw prints, courtesy of our vet’s office. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Sometimes, I Just Need Poetry by Tremaine L. Loadholt

my baby’s prints came today…
her paws…
I’d been waiting for them
since the 12th of September.
a lovely sympathy card
accompanied the red pieces
of art, neatly tucked behind them.
every member of our vet’s office
signed it.
their words and names crowding
the corners.
I smile. I cry. I remember the
best part of my life
no longer exists.

I stand at the edge of
my kitchen, shifting on
the balls of my feet. I am
shaking. I tilt my head to
look at each print, and the
smell of Jernee wafts across
the room and lingers in the
hallway. she’s still alive
in me; she hasn’t let go.
or, maybe I’m still holding on?

Zumi pats at the glass of its
terrarium, bargaining for my
attention, and I rush over to
see what the fuss is about.
food? check. water? check.
I think it just wants to hear my
voice, so I call its name in
a sing-songy way to appease it.
Zu-mi, Zu-mi, Zuuuumiiii.
what a silly tortoise you are.
it looks up at me and then
walks with urgency to its
hidey-hole.
we all need comfort.
tortoises are not exempt.

our home is quieter than it’s
ever been. the tapping of
paws are no longer morning
gifts or late-night signals of
an impatient senior dog who
“had me at, hello.”
I don’t know what I’m doing
with this life of mine now,
I’m just mulling on—making do.

I say that all I need is work—to
keep busy, but I think I am
telling myself this because I
am afraid of what will happen
to me if I sit down and focus
on every passing thought of
a love that was the greatest
love I’ve ever known.
where will I land if I
give my heart permission to
break and stay broken?

is there a name for people
who are no longer whole
without the pets they spent
nearly two decades becoming
one with? I don’t like having to
answer the same questions
every other day: “How are you?”
How are you holding up?”
“What are you doing with
yourself now?”

I wish there was a perfect way to
say, “I am cracking and folding
into myself because somehow
I no longer feel safe alone
with my brain, heavy heart,
and dying soul. somehow, I
no longer feel safe in this
body. something is not right.
something is not right.

it’s more than losing Jernee,
it’s all the ick of the world
that is seeping into our
skin, making our veins its home.
we’re trapped.
so, sometimes, I just need poetry
when everything is wrong
around me, and there’s no
guarantee it’ll change.

I need poetry to help me
remember who… and why
I am.

Originally published in Poking the Bear’s Belly on Substack.

Poem for an Image

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#8: Playing Catch-up

Birthday Gifts for Caison and Jaidynn (my baby cousins). Jaidy’s birthday was on August 11th, and Caison’s birthday is October 7th. Jaidy’s gifts are called “Just Because” gifts in her card, but I could not afford to get her anything for her birthday this year because Jernee was so sick and in and out of the Emergency Vet, and my poor pockets had been SCREAMING bloody murder. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

caring for my dying love made
my pockets thinner than
before–I missed Jaidy’s birthday.

it’s a blow to my pride to
not be able to shower my girl
with gifts on the day she was gifted to us.

making up for it at the same
time Caison’s 8th approaches
will push my heart to higher heights.

she knows where I stand.
she remembers every offering of
love she has ever received from me.

now that there isn’t a mouth
begging for money I can’t get
from trees, the babies shine brighter.

I’m playing catch-up, and I
am not ashamed to admit why I
couldn’t give what I wanted to.

I am not ashamed because life
happened upon me in a way
I never thought it would.

Death costs an arm and a leg,
and after you’ve run out of those limbs,
there aren’t many more to give.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

Rengay Collaboration

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The Skeptic’s Kaddish Poet & Tre

Hello, beautiful people. David at The Skeptic’s Kaddish and I collaborated and produced a pretty decent rengay that I’d love for you to spend a little time with.

It was fun creating with David, and the finished product gives me joy.

I needed a bit of a mental literary task, so I was happy to get the invite from David. He’s an extremely talented writer who has many bags of poetic tricks up his sleeve.

Here’s a sneak peek:

tll- rainy days are gifts
they hide tears I’ve been shedding
fruits of labor lost

db- dew seeps into severed crowns
black rot spreads despite soft hands

tll- dank air surrounds me
enchanted for a second
but no prince charming

db- midnight carriage stops

Follow the link below to go on a Broken Enchantment adventure.

Peace and blessings.

Electric autumn; Broken enchantment, or: A rengay

If I Didn’t Have Zumi…

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I’m certain it’d be ten times harder to deal with the loss of Jernee

Zumi Tye: Sunday Morning Antics Part I

I got Zumi Tye just a little under one month before Jernee Timid’s sixteenth birthday last year. I had wanted an aquatic turtle, and upon my search to attain one, I was unsuccessful.

They’re harder to purchase as a pet you intend to domesticate because of various laws. I went to four different locations, and at the final location, which was the Reptile Zoo and Pet Center, the owner and pet handler schooled me on land-based tortoises, instead, and I fell in love with the idea of having a land-based tortoise instead of an aquatic turtle.

I fervently believe that if I did not have Zumi Tye during this time, it would be ten times harder for me to adjust to life without Jernee.

I still have something to care for, something to receive all this shackled-up love, and something to grow with me. It’s a beautiful feeling to know that all is not lost, and ZuZu needs me just as much as I need it. I believe God does what He does before we see the end result. He knows what we need before we need it. And with this little reptile of mine, I’m never sad for an entire day.

It absolutely will not let me wallow, and maybe that’s a little bit of Jernee shining through, too.

Zumi Tye: Sunday Morning Antics Part II

I miss my sweet and fierce girl, but there’s still NEVER a dull moment in our home.

Happy Sunday, beautiful people. May you share the shackled-up love you have inside you with someone or something today.

Peace and blessings.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.