NaPoWriMo #17


Playing with the camera. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

birthday tip-toed into
the morning sun shadows, greeted me with open arms,
and begged me to get
up and play with it.

one more year is here to
plaster me in hope and grind
me down to a newer version
of myself I’ve been shelving for

I tell it I’ll surrender under
one condition, and that’s if
it’ll give me fifteen minutes
in a room with my dead
cousin, unbothered by a
world that keeps shifting
with every breath I take.

it’s an interrogation of sorts;
how I attempt to negotiate
getting older and being
happy while doing it, instead
of drowning myself in

“I’m better now.
I’m healing.
I’m giving myself the
grace everyone says I

and time is offering me
an extended contract
with every bell and whistle
I prayed for, and I don’t
know if I should sign.

but there’s hope for
me yet.
I’ve made it to 43, and
I do not feel the same.

“This is good”, I tell
“This is very good.”

NaPoWriMo #17


Caison, my little Munchkin Man.

42 is here, and I spent
the day before my new
age watching the glow
of a toddler shine before
my very eyes.

he has a way of removing
my heartache and pulling
the sunshine into
my frame–what a gift
a few words can be,
especially when everything
inside tells you nothing
will change . . .

but you know, truly know
that the perfect smile
from a loved one so dear
can bloom in your spirit,
and give you relief.

joy comes in the mourning.
grief isn’t forever.
life is meant to be lived,
and the child knows this,
lives this, and understands this.

Lioness Love

A poem for Jaidynn

Jaidynn, my favorite girl. In the first picture, I caught her while she was moving some candy around in her mouth with her thumb, she is not sucking her thumb.

it seems like yesterday, I was holding
you up to the sky, above my head,
listening to your giggling gurgles,
then bringing you back down
to me, the look of complete satisfaction
planted on your infant face.

you were a lightning bolt of energy,
an independent force who learned
quickly how to move around 
in our crazy world and now, at age
6 . . . I feel like I’m losing you.

a trip to the park becomes bonding time
your GiGi says we need and I walk
with you, your hand in mine, as we sway
them in the summer breeze.
you are a gymnast — bending and flexing
your way through obstacles, nothing fazes 
you — nothing stops you.
I wish I had your courage— did I ever?

a Leo in a land of lions, you are 
inquisitive with just the right amount
of curiosity trailing every question and 
I hope I have shared the best answers
with you, my love.
these days are passing us by
quicker than I can count them and
I pray I am not missing out on 
bigger things keeping to myself as I sometimes do.

but you know me, you see my smile
as a welcome mat and you pounce
on me — clinging to my chest and 
I wrap you in my arms for the 
longest hug I can give. I don’t want
to let go. I never want to let go.

I have to, though. eventually, I
will have to let go and watch you
become the lioness the stars 
blessed you to be. while I nestle
over here in the shadows of 
your love, please don’t forget
your big cousin who will pull words
from the sky’s heart, wrestle a 
world of liars, and battle a 
carriage full of woe-is-me-ers to
keep you safe.

anything to gift you mother earth’s
peacefulness and blessings.
you deserve nothing less.

*Today’s Jaidynn’s sixth birthday. My lil puddin’ is quickly growing up to be a not-so lil puddin’ anymore and well . . . I am a bit in my feelings about that. Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

Originally published via Medium.