I’m so tired of loose lips sinking ships—of human cannons shooting us with lies, and creating a mass of loblollies with the full intent to bury us alive.
we’re more than flesh & bone, we’re heart & mind, and they must’ve forgotten we can fight when a corner is the place they push us in.
a faulty administration is running a nation, betting with money from people who’ve poured their last into a country they once loved.
they have no clue of what they’re doing, yet they do, and we’re the ones dying a long death. but, we’re the ones fighting to stay alive, too.
the first home
a short workweek ahead for me—taking pto for a trip back to a place that hasn’t been home in 21 years, but it’s still home.
I’ve been eyeballing the weather, got my hawk’s view on 10, monitoring changes to be sure travel plans won’t meet their demise. I need to get away.
my mother will be in tow—my nerves will work overtime to keep her anxieties at bay. I’m craving fresh seafood, familial hugs, and time spent with people close to my heart.
a quick mini vacation to recharge my energy—strengthen my bones. prayerfully, none of them will break from the weight of the pain that the first home can bring.
Photo by Birgith Roosipuu. In the photos, there is a bouquet of pink roses laid on a white surface. Gathered around the roses are five pink heart-shaped macarons and a mug of coffee with steamed milk.
He doesn’t like to celebrate Valentine’s Day; says it’s too commercialized and filled with people gunning to purchase items they’ll never buy again until next year. I agree and don’t agree at the same time. I am not into the capitalist side of the holiday; I am into the romance side of it. I planned a trip away from home — just the two of us (he often likes to do group activities with our boys and a few of our lady friends, but not this time), at one of the most luxurious AirBnBs you’ll find on this side of Maine. We live in Auburn, and this place is in Sanford — not even a two-hour drive for us.
In Auburn, Gray enjoys fishing, attending the balloon festivals, and visiting various farmers’ markets, but I want to try something different. I’ve booked a lovely two-bedroom cottage, not too far from Mousam View Place (where I’ve made reservations for dinner and wine tasting). We’ll also dive into a pottery session, play golf at the Sanford Country Club (shout out to my Godbrother Chance for the day pass), and explore the nightlife Sanford has to offer during the final throes of Winter.
If I didn’t take matters into my own hands, we’d be basking in one another’s presence in front of the 55-inch Roku SmartTV yet again on Valentine’s night. And while I love looking at my honey, I yearn for more. Ooh, here he comes now.
“Hey, love. How was work?”
Gray looks defeated from a day that pummeled him simultaneously, yet as soon as he lays eyes on Terrence, his entire mood changes, and his body relaxes.
“You know, same shit, different day. Dan hit us with yet another project that’s due early next week, and I am over his need to impress the upper echelon. Dude has such a comfy position and has no earthly idea how hard it is to cram project after project into a timeline of completion. It’s like talking to a deer in headlights — he’s clueless.”
Terrence shifts his body and raises himself from their boneless, tan-colored couch to meet Gray’s gaze.
“Love… I am not making light of your current situation, but it’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and you’re off tomorrow, so I’ve booked a day trip to Sanford. Now, before you say ‘No,’ don’t. I am not trying to hear it. I have a list of things planned, and I know you will love at least three of them, so… pack a bag, baby. We are getting out of Auburn for four days.
“What do you mean? What have you gone and done, Terrence? Shiiiit, I need a getaway. And you know I don’t rock with Valentine’s Day like that, but this sounds more like a mini vacation than anything else, so… I’ll let it slide… This time.
Terrence squeals with excitement and claps his hands together enthusiastically. He glues his body against Gray’s and showers him with tiny kisses. As soon as he turns to dash to their bedroom to grab his bags, Gray speaks again.
“I don’t know, though, Ter. I got this project that I really need to focus on. If I don’t have the numbers crunched and a gameplan for launching a compatible AI platform for our company, this luxurious lifestyle we have grown accustomed to may take a nosedive.”
“Says who?! Gray, I make more than enough at the gallery to cover us until you find another job, which you would in absolutely no time. So… again, there will not be a ‘No’ to this. It’s already done.”
Silence coats the room, and the two of them busy themselves with last-minute packing, eager for the romantic getaway. Terrence is getting his way.
I knew that he would try to weasel out of this before we could even get into it, but I was not having it! We work too hard, he especially, to not enjoy the fruits of our labor. And I can’t wait to snuggle up next to him tonight after we are settled into the comforts of the cottage.
This Valentine’s Day weekend, I will give the love of my life, the love of his life.
Homemade salad: diced chicken tenders, cucumbers, onions, tomatoes, blueberries, spinach, & Colby Jack cheese. I drizzled the ranch dressing onto the salad after I took the photo. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
better at home
fresh fruits and veggies diced chicken tenders with cheese creamy ranch dressing
AI-Generated Image: A Black man dressed handsomely in a jean jacket, cream-colored shirt, and jeans, standing on a porch in front of a door. He has a pensive look on his face.
we all feel, and he didn’t
he was too equanimous. you maybe thinking, “that’s not a good thing?” and I’m obligated to tell you that I needed someone who would explode with anger if the world caved in on him… eventually.
I needed to know that he could cry, would cry if his heart were crushed with grief. but he didn’t know tears—he hadn’t been open enough to let them cleanse him, and I couldn’t continue to love a man who wouldn’t emote.
I understand strength, the rearing of holding back emotion when you can release it was always weakness to me. I wanted to know that if I broke down, he could break down with me, and we’d lift each other up.
but in a world that tells a man to be stone in order to be loved, he couldn’t hear my cries.
I am an avid reader of Gail Boenning’s work. I miss her daily missives on Medium (I am no longer active there, and I believe she stopped posting there shortly before I did), but I can keep up with her through her books. And I appreciate this more than I thought I would.
With everything taking place in our world, a bit of light-hearted reading was what I needed.
What Gail has given the reader in Girl & Dog Alone Together is a work of original paintings and motivational tidbits that will settle in your mind gently and peacefully, too.
Bite-sized Motivational Tidbits That Make You Smile
Gail Boenning has a knack for churning out work that encourages various age groups. Girl & Dog Alone Together is another example of her versatility.
I thoroughly enjoyed every motivational tidbit shared between the girl and her dog, and how they seemed to face all odds in adult-like ways.
Girl’s approach to life was to lean on Dog. Dog’s approach to life was to take care of Girl. They make the perfect team.
From playing in the park to taking piano lessons, sinking the perfect basketball shot, and learning in school, the advice given is notably intelligent while being rhythmic as well. These life lessons will be easier to remember and digest for a younger audience.
The paintings bring a full view into play for the reader also. I found myself smiling from ear to ear as I read each page, knowing that much of the advice given, I’ve shared with my siblings, nieces, and nephews, and with myself whenever necessary, too.
If you’re looking for a light-hearted reminder about life’s small obstacles or you need a book that’s age appropriate for a few children in your life, I recommend Girl & Dog Alone Together.
I enjoyed this book a lot more when I read it because I actually needed a pick-me-up, and this was it.
I snapped this photo of Zumi Tye while it chomped down on its dinner for the evening. What’s in Zuse’s dinner tray? Blueberries & turnip greens. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
long day of nothing bathing in humidity waiting for Mommy
We called him Tortoise because he taught us. —Lewis Carroll
Scattered Words: Poems for Jernee Timid Loadholt is available now! Have you gotten your copy? Hardcover|eBook
Back when I didn’t overthink things, I loved a woman who lied so much, mythomania could have been her middle name.
We were never going to make it. I made up stories for entertainment; she made up stories to cover her ass.
Eventually, one of us was going to break, and one of us did.
Baby Tre in a fighter pose. I have no clue who took this photo, perhaps one of the hospital nurses or a family member? April 17, 1980.
What Was I Thinking?
I must’ve known the world would be a battlefield.
At a few hours old, I’d already prepared myself to fight; hands squared into position of protection.
What was I thinking as I dreamed alongside a mother who pushed me into being?
Could I have been dreaming of ways to right wrongs without a working definition of them?
Did I know about all of the nastiness dripping from the hearts of men, and how that coldness would shift God’s creations—morph them into living devils?
Many ages passed me by, and now, I find myself standing atiptoe, waiting for change that doesn’t look like it’s going to come.
Scattered Words: Poems for Jernee Timid Loadholt is available now! Have you gotten your copy? Hardcover|eBook
A Cornered Gurl 
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