Category: Pain

Jernee Timid Will Have a Book, Too

trE

I am writing, compiling, and gathering poems in honor of my baby girl

Jernee Timid as a puppy. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt, Enhanced/Cartoonized by Google Gemini

I am working on a book of poems for Jernee Timid, in memory of her life and the incredible loss I’ve experienced. I am no stranger to sifting through poems; picking and choosing pieces that make the cut, and culling others that do not. These poems, though… something about not including them—the ones not making the cut, feels wrong—feels spiteful. I cannot explain it.

I wrote them during her life. I wrote them after she died. They all have a little bit of her wrapped up in them, and I can’t see myself not having them be a part of something as significant as a dedication to her time spent on earth alongside me.

The cover photo for the book is shown above. I decided to use a photo of her as a puppy, enhancing it using AI to give it a more cartoon-like feel, because the content that follows may or may not be easy to digest.

I have always written through pain—the death of my favorite companion is no different. I am writing through it. I will continue to write through it for as long as I need to do so. Jernee would understand that. Heck, The Little Monster might’ve even appreciated it.

There is a title (I will share it as time gets closer to the publishing date), and I plan to release the book in early February of next year, or toward the end of this year. It truly depends on how I feel. Who would I be if I did not publish a book of poems for the greatest love of my life? Not Tre, I can tell you that.

I will keep all of you updated.

Peace and blessings.

Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book & Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback (only) yet?

I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

smelling death

trE
Jernee Timid, losing all of her energy after the initial injection on her last day with us. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

near the end, I think
my neighbor’s dog could
smell death on Jernee–could
identify she didn’t have long.

and every time I saw them
walking toward us, I’d stiffen.
my body would become a
tabernacle–solid and silent.

he’d sniff his friend, searching
Jernee for evidence of life,
and when he didn’t find it,
he’d whine to his mom.

it wasn’t until Jernee’s last
couple of days on this earth
that I realized Winnie, in his
own way, had already mourned
Jernee’s life.

he’d been greeting her death,
and I just didn’t want to
believe it.

Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book & Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback (only) yet?

I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

12 Hours

trE

The body works hard
Time’s priceless
Money-hungry days

Everything’s sky high
Overtime
Increases savings

Dying on my feet
Will save me
Last chance at this life

Modern-day misfit
Making do
Twelve-hour shift’s over

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

Erasing Jernee on Paper

trE

But not from my heart

Spending my last 15 minutes with my baby, Jernee Timid, while she was in the twilight phase of her End-of-Life process. At this point, we were talking about Jernee’s character and how she was VERY MUCH a DIVA, and I am clearly not. We took time to laugh, too. Friday, September 12, 2025. Photo Credit: Karlie B. Cornelius

you didn’t know we needed to
do a thorough walkthrough of your
apartment to make sure the
dog you say is dead is really… dead?
it’s in your lease–a clause; once your pet
has transitioned, in order to reverse any
pet rent fees, we have to verify what needs
to be verified.

silly me, here I was thinking the
receipt from the vet’s office with
the amount it costs for the
euthanasia services would be
enough. it’s not.
you actually want to come to
my unit, lay eyes on my private
space, and look for a being who
is no longer alive.

be my guest.

I’d say inconsiderate. I’d say insensitive.
but this feels like garbage–the icky
kind that bulges up at the
bottom of the bin and sticks to
the corners of it when the city comes to
dump the contents in their truck.
I comply.
after all, we must follow the rules.

I make the request to delete my
information from the PetSmart app, submit
my request to deactivate Chewy, and
issue a note to PetScreening that asks
you to select the reason the
account is no longer necessary.
“Jernee Timid has passed away.”
“I have re-homed Jernee Timid.”
“Jernee Timid has run away.”
“This profile for Jernee Timid is a duplicate.”
“I am no longer residing at the associated property.”

I select the first option.
I am prompted to confirm what I
have selected–make sure I’m not a robot.
I click submit and watch the words
flash across the screen regarding how
this company will make my apartment
community’s property manager aware of
the information I submitted to them.

everyone wants to be sure my baby
has zero breaths left…that
she really is taking a dirt nap,
and have I really lost the best
thing that has happened to my heart
since learning how to love?

I could not have prepared myself for
erasure of this magnitude.
Jernee’s not here, but she is.
Jernee’s not here, but she is.
Jernee’s not here, but everyone
believes that she is.

and my heart knows she is not.
but my heart has a special place
for her where she will always linger…
and the boot soles of capitalism may take her
away from me on paper, but they’ll never
strip her away from the lining of
a muscle that beats strongly for her
in life and in death.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

In Life and In Dying

trE

Part IV: Jernee’s final bow; a sweet girl until the end.

The burial site, getting my girl all ready for an eternal dirt rest. Video captured by Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee and I, during the twilight phase of her rest before the final two doses to end her life. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
A kiss and some loving while Jernee was in a peaceful sleep. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
One final kiss to send my baby off. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee Timid right before the Vet and staff proceeded with her end-of-life process. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee has not had a full night’s rest in about a month. She snored so loudly during her twilight phase of this process. I could tell it was the best sleep ever. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
While we spent our final moments with Jernee, our vet’s office staff turned the light on to this box so the other patrons/pet owners could be aware and act accordingly. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
My Center Manager’s father-in-law made this grave marker for Jernee Timid. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee’s final resting place… On my Center Manager’s land, under a huge tree that gets a lot of shade. I think she will be VERY happy here. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Karen and I. She flew up for this day. She wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Our eyes are puffy because we had been crying. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
The box we buried her in. Simple. Sleek. Just the right size. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Tomorrow, I will spend some much-needed time with my mom in Greensboro, NC. It is her birthday weekend. She has mentioned I should not be worried about her, but birthdays are special to me, and I need to get out. The silence in my home is deafening, and I will have to get used to it, but… I want to live a little bit before sitting in the reality of what is now my life–one without Jernee Timid Loadholt.

For those of you who have been on this journey with my baby girl and I for seventeen years (or at least 5 to 10 of them), thank you. I hope you have come to know my sweet girl through me, and that she has touched you, too.

There will never be another dog like her, and I am in no hurry to get another one. I want to sit with the feel and quiet of the lack of Jernee around for quite some time. I donated so many of her belongings today: bowls, toys, collars & leashes, beds, clothing, and her crate. So many other pets will benefit from what we had to offer.

I will leave you with an excerpt from the most recent article I’ve shared about Jernee on Substack:

Overall, this day has been a journey of a lifetime. Now that I am without Jernee, what will I do? Who will I be? Where will my heart lead me next? I don’t know about all of you, but I am in no hurry to find out.

Laying Jernee to rest after a month of decline, illness, and constant changes to her mental state, I can finally breathe. Will I sleep soundly tonight? I do not know, but I welcome it if it is on the way.

I just lost the love of my life. I will never be the same. But isn’t that the purpose of something that changes you for the better—for you not to be the same once they have passed on… I think so.

I am who Jernee needed me to be, and with her death, I will have to be who I need me to be.

The circle of life bows with or without an encore.

Part I, Part II, and Part III

Poem for an Image

trE

#4: Hand-Me-Down Everything

Jernee’s toys. The only thing that is not going to AARF is the stuffed monkey. It will be buried with Jernee Timid. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

gathered the grand clan
for donation, only a few
didn’t make the cut–wear
and tear met them where
they stood.

other pets will have
a chance to tackle a toy
now that Jernee will no
longer need them.

blankets, beds, a few items
of clothing, and her crate
are in the mix, too.

our home is the only
lived-in space that will
forever hold her scent,
and I can’t give that away.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.