Category: Dogs

In Life and In Dying

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Part III: There is no routine anymore; we just wing it

Part II of the previous video: Jernee and post-breakfast-time|the treat.

I called Jernee’s Vet yesterday, Monday, September 08, 2025, and made sure the Intake Receptionist changed our upcoming appointment to reflect an End-of-Life visit and not to simply discuss it.

Since my last post, several other things have taken place, including Jernee developing a head tic and now walking robotically and in calculated steps. I wish I could describe it much better, but this is how I see it come to life in my mind when I think of how to describe it to others.

She also snapped at one of our neighbors and almost bit her this past Saturday, September 06, 2025, and then did the same thing to me on Sunday, September 07, 2025. Let me be clear… Jernee has NEVER done this. She loves our neighbors and is such a welcoming presence to anyone she meets.

I can only imagine what my baby girl is going through, how her world must look and feel incredibly foreign to her. I was assured by the Intake Receptionist that everything I told her about Jernee warrants euthanasia. She is only going to get worse.

Below are the documentation notes I emailed to our vet, and I also shared two of the six videos I recorded of her. The Vet who is going to perform the service will review the information and prepare herself accordingly:

Saturday, August 23, 2025, at 10:15 AM, Jernee urinated in her bed while staring off in a dazed and confused state. I had just given her a bath and placed her in her bed because she couldn’t get there on her own.

Monday, August 25, 2025, at 5:17 PM, Jernee fell while standing up while waiting for me to open our door.

Thursday, August 28, 2025 at 05:52 AM, Jernee ran full speed into our coat closet door right across from our bedroom entrance while I was tidying up her crate’s bedding.

Same Day: At 7:24 PM, Jernee urinated on the concrete path directly in front of our building’s door. She has never done that.

Saturday, August 30,2025 (time, unknown): Jernee urinated on the living room rug while I was away at work. This is not something she does normally.

Same Day, 5:55 PM: Jernee ran head on, full speed into the wall of the elevator.

Sunday, August 31, 2025, at 3:55 PM: Jernee pooped in the middle of the street.

Monday, September 01, 2025 at 09:22 AM: Jernee urinated in the street/pathway to our grassy areas of our apartment community.

Same Day at 6:06 PM: Jernee pooped on the sidewalk. She has almost no control over her bowels anymore.

Thursday, September 04, 2025 (time unknown): Jernee urinated in the middle of our living room floor. We have hardwood floors, and there are always 2 pee pee pads down for her in front of our fireplace.

Saturday, September 06, 2025, at 3:50 PM: Jernee snapped at one of our neighbors while she was gently petting her. She loves our neighbors, and was typically very open to being petted by them.

Sunday, September 07, 2025, at 07:57 AM: While outside, Jernee stared off into the distance and barked twice. Nothing was there.

Same day, at 7:40 PM: While on the elevator in our building, I attempted to stroke Jernee’s head, and she snapped at me, and tried to bite me.

I have the box that Jernee will be buried in, and I will wrap it in all brown wrapping paper. I’ll place her on a towel and blanket, and put her stuffed monkey in the box with her.

Friday is just around the corner, and my baby’s last days are, in fact, last days.

How will I be without her? Who will I be without her? What will I do without her?

I foresee a lot of sad days ahead after this coming Friday, but I will also reach into my memory bank and pull out my fondest memories of her, of us. I have known the best love a human being can know; one without conditions, judgment, or manipulation.

I am so blessed.

Part I and Part II

Poem for an Image

trE

#3: Saturday Sweet Treat

The Culprit. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I bit into the cookie butter
goodness and relished Biscoff,
transported to my first flight
amongst the “friendly skies.”

My body nearly convulsed
from the sugary deliciousness,
but I remained calm.

How can something so small
pack such an intense taste
and lure me into wanting more?

It’s Saturday, Self-Care Day,
and I cared for myself by
stealing a sweet treat while
my senior dog snored in the
background; heavenly bliss.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

In Life and In Dying

trE

Part II: I have two jobs now; I didn’t know caretaking for a senior dog would be this hard.

August 22, 2025. Part I of a two-part video of a regular morning with Jernee, now as she continues to decline.

This is the first part of how our mornings go now that Jernee is no longer fully independent. She cannot hear. She cannot see. She is losing her faculties and is not truly aware of where she is and what to do.

Being a watchdog for your dog is crazy work, but I eagle-eye her like a hawk, trying my best to keep her safe and to comfort her. The facial expressions she wears now are a combination of confused, lost, sad, and frustrated. My baby girl rarely looks excited, happy, and free these days.

This is the video I cannot watch without breaking down; without losing my cool and feeling like a partial failure because of what’s happening to her. Logically, I know I am not at fault. I know this is God’s plan. We all have to make our grand exit off of this plane and onto the next, but tell that to my heart.

I don’t get much sleep. She wakes up at random hours during the night in a mild state of confusion, or she wants to go outside to potty, or it’s a combination of both.

When she’s whining, I know she’s confused, and she simply needs to be calmed down, so I soothe her and put her in the bed with me. Those moments are the hardest.

I have had to find new ways to keep her safe while I’m at home because if she cannot sense my presence, she will run around our apartment frantically until she can. If she knows I’m at home, she wants me near her, no questions about it.

Taking this into consideration and knowing I do not want her to injure herself, I place her bed we use for sitting outside on our balcony, in the kitchen and bathrooms so she can be around me. Wild, right?!

Yes, you may be saying to yourself, “Why are you doing this?!” But if you witness how terrified Jernee is when she knows I am home and she doesn’t sense me, you would understand.

Jernee Timid: sitting at our kitchen’s entrance in her bed while I prepare her and Zumi’s food, and clean up afterward. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

When I do this, there is peace in our home. She isn’t whining. She isn’t terrified and panting from searching throughout our apartment for me. She isn’t alone. She knows Mommy isn’t too far away, and that comforts her.

And as long as she is comfortable and in a peaceful state, then I can be “right as rain.”

Please do not let anyone tell you that caring for a senior dog who is declining is easy. I am bearing witness and living through it, and can testify that it is not. It is a labor of love, and a multitude of patience should be in tow.

If you cannot love and you are not patient, do not become a dog owner. Eventually, you will have to endure the inevitable, and they deserve people who will walk calmly and lovingly alongside them toward the end.

Part I

In Life and In Dying

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Jernee Timid: Fading away from all that she knows.

August 23, 2025, before a short afternoon walk, I came into the living room from our bedroom and found Jernee like this.

If you have followed Jernee & I for a number of years, you know I document it all. From Jernee’s highlights to the downsides of being a pet mom.

She used to have a blog completely dedicated to her and our adventures. I think that is how I met many of you. Funny how I have forgotten what the name of that blog was. If any of you remember, please share it in the comments.

The last few years have been rough. Overall, this Little Monster has been the most magnificent companion. I could not have asked for a better dog.

She has been my peace. She has been my joy. She has been every ounce of love that I’ve needed in the witching hour.

Since my late cousin Chrissy’s death in February of 2022, I have learned a new way to approach death & dying. I face it head on; feel all the emotions that I need to–lose myself in it, and grieve… grieve… grieve.

The morning comes when the mourning is done.

Jernee Timid has been a firecracker since her very first day with me, which was May 28, 2008. She was six weeks old. She cried on the way home to Greensboro, North Carolina (at that time) from Wilmington, North Carolina, which is where she is from.

A reputable breeder sold her to me, and I whisked her away from her remaining brother and sister (Bella & Butler) of their litter. She wailed & wailed, and I thought, “I haven’t heard a dog cry like this since we picked up Nala (Mook’s first baby girl puppy) from her breeder.”

Jernee made such a ruckus, I had to pull over at a gas station about ten miles away, shift her from her doggy bed, and set her up comfortably in my lap for the remainder of the drive to her new home.

From that day, I knew she was going to get any and everything out of me that she wanted. She was spoiled from Day One.

She settled into our family like she belonged here–like she had previously claimed us, and she was just waiting for us to come and bring her home.

I have to remind myself that everyone cannot handle this level of decline in Jernee. Not many can endure the videos I will share. My kid brother, for example, lived with us for three years, and Jernee is his baby.

I’ve seen that kid go to war verbally about her, and I know for a fact he will beat a person down bare-handed if ever they wronged Jernee. He calls her Princess Jay or Jay Nasty (please don’t ask me why, the kid isn’t right! 😆🤣😂).

I’ve been sharing the videos with him, and he told me this evening, “Man, no matter how much we say we are good, we can never prepare for these things. Man, I keep watching this video, I started crying. It’s hard to see Jernee like this, fr, so I know you are exhausted. I’m praying for you, sis. I love you.”

He is the baby boy. I am ten years older than him. He has always had a special place in my heart, but he is the only one who can make me go from Zero to One Hundred in five seconds flat, too.

He cannot deal with the reality of this. He keeps telling me I’m strong and asking how can I record Jernee when she’s fading. My response to him, “How can I not? I love Jernee in life. I’m going to love Jernee in death. This is our reality now, until it’s not. I have recorded many happy times. I find it essential to record the sad times, too.”

So, I will. And if this is not going to be your thing, I get it. I understand it. It’s not easy to digest. But it is my baby girl’s life, and I will immerse myself in it until I have nothing left of her.

Peace and blessings.

Poem for an Image

trE

#1: Jernee Timid, Princess Extraordinnaire

Jernee Timid: This was taken on a “good” day, August 15, 2025. Her right eye is in and out of healing. Something’s causing it to fill with blood, and then it’ll dissolve and won’t appear again for days. $920.72 spent on August 03, 2025, has NOT resolved the issue.

Jernee’s living her best life
during her last days–Princess Puppy
striking a pose–braving a
lucid moment…
she’s my heart’s beats
outside of me.

Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with my place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.

Letting Go Should Be Easy

trE

Jernee’s last days

I will miss this sweet face. She means the entire world to me.

Jernee has a vet visit for Friday, September 12, 2025, at 0900. The first thing we will discuss is end-of-life options, and I’m preparing myself for that date to be her last with me.

Letting go should be easy, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that it is not. However, I won’t prolong the inevitable.

These next few weeks are going to try my patience due to Jernee’s decline, but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure she has the best last days on God’s green earth.

I may not have the mental wherewithal to respond to comments, but I will leave them on, and I thank you for any warm wishes, peaceful thoughts, and words of wisdom in advance.

Peace and blessings.