we are distant stars faded by moonlight
dreamers–lost in a field, nothing to gain.
our souls are broken, there’s only this fright,
a weakness that follows us–endless pain.
my love, we could conquer our enemies
if we only had enough time, but now
we’re faced with incredible tragedies,
we have forgotten our one solemn vow
to love, and yes–love without conditions.
that is what we must do, it’s our calling.
no longer can we trust old traditions,
believing in them will send us falling.
I cannot take another broken heart distant in the past, this is our new start.
For the next few posts, I’ll be practicing sonnets. It has been an extremely long time since I pulled these babies out. Prayerfully, you’ll go easy on me. This is Love Sonnet #4.
That stormy night in May, we sweetly kissed,
So beautiful you were and you still are.
Undeniable, not to be dismissed,
This love we have, whether close or if far.
Let it linger in the darkest places,
Calm the hearts of those who are searching still.
Oh, let it wipe the tears from their faces,
And push their tired legs up distant hills.
In your presence, is where I long to be,
Search and you will find me everywhere, love-
This is my one chance, can you set me free?
We’ll reap blessings from the heavens above.
I am yours, you are mine, this should ring true. It is our time to shine-yes, it is due.
For the next few posts, I’ll be practicing sonnets. It has been an extremely long time since I pulled these babies out. Prayerfully, you’ll go easy on me. This is Love Sonnet #3.
I am not ashamed, no my love, not now.
We’ve built a strong love–forever landmark,
This is our reward, be kind, take a bow.
Be graceful, you can shine here in the dark.
I must denounce this fearless-bravery,
This ill will to continue to go on.
We are free, no longer in slavery,
New feelings are growing, old ones are gone.
A deeper connection, yes, we’ve found it!
We can shout it from the highest mountain,
Shall we bottle this love and keep flames lit?
Or douse burning fires with a fountain?
You make your move, I am always ready. This love’s a treasure, our placement–steady.
For the next few posts, I’ll be practicing sonnets. It has been an extremely long time since I pulled these babies out. Prayerfully, you’ll go easy on me. This is Love Sonnet #2.
My love, forgive me for those stupid words
I should have thought things through, yes, you were right.
My gifts, nestled on flighty wings of birds
Should be penance enough for one less fight.
Though the days grow darker, we have much time
To sift through pictures, through memories of old.
And cherish this love, these feelings sublime,
Welcoming passion–so giddy, so bold.
I beg of you, your hand, place it in mine,
We have dreams to escape and lives to build.
For loving you, I shall never decline,
We’re two within one, a legacy’s guild.
So love, hear me out, please do not deny I’m waiting to breathe after this last cry.
For the next few posts, I’ll be practicing sonnets. It has been an extremely long time since I pulled these babies out. Prayerfully, you’ll go easy on me. This is Love Sonnet #1.
In my mid-twenties, I logged on to an online dating website. If you asked me today, I swear, I couldn’t even tell you which one it was. It proved to be a decent piece of my life at that moment as I matched with a handsome young man who was incredibly intelligent, independent, secure in his job, funny, and respectful. We lasted all of three months. In all honesty, we were unclear as to what we wanted from each other in the beginning. After that third month, I noticed we were good together, compatible. We enjoyed each other’s time, we did jigsaw puzzles together, went to the bookstore, walked in the local parks, etc. We had in-depth, intense, and impressive conversations. However, he did not want anything serious.
I did.
Thus, our end made its way in front of us all too soon. I think about him from time to time. Although we only dated for three months, those were a pretty damn good three months and I smile when I think of them. Every so often, I wonder how he’s doing. If he still lives in the Greensboro area. If he ever got his own business up and running. He was the first guy I dated who kept an immaculate apartment (much like myself) and at that time, I thought it odd as the only young men I’d ever dated, almost never really cleaned house or cooked, let alone had a place that was worth leaving my place for one night or two. He had all these things yet we did not work out.
The more I thought about him, the more I realized–I was dating a male version of myself and today that seems pretty creepy but that’s what it was. It was going to fail and fail hard and fast had it not done so when it did.
But, something pressed upon me a few weeks ago. I have been thinking of saddling up the old horse and getting back on it to give it another go. I did so on Thursday night. I e-trotted over to eHarmony, answered their compatibility questions and guaranteed matching assessment quiz, built a profile, tossed up a few photos, then promptly deleted it. I lost my nerve. The fear that landed itself in my lap was palpitating and real. One moment, I was excited about the possibilities and could not wait to see what my new age and this new year has in store in the land of dating and the next, I was the Cowardly Lion.
I no longer bite my nails, but if I were still doing this, they’d be nubs. Within seconds, an indescribable sense of nervousness overcame me and all I could do and think of was to back out and back off. Before anything could even begin, I shot it down. I did not let it live a life of two to three days.
Nothing.
I told my best friend about this and she said, “It is beginning to concern me of the rate in which you’re letting fear prevent you from doing certain things. What’s the worst that could happen?” And I instantly thought, “Well, the worst that could happen.” I did not tell her this, though. She can overcome fear within seconds–she just does whatever it is she wants to do. If it needs questioning later, it’s questioned. But, I overanalyze things and create a small place in which I dare not go and this is what keeps me from doing many of the things I set out to do.
Last year, I overcame several of my fears and I am learning to be gentle with myself about the things that need work–about the things for which I still have mounds of hesitation in my spirit. I won’t rush things, but I am planning on not remaining in the bowels of the unknown for too long either. I know what I want. I know who I’d like to have these things with, but I am still unsure if I want long-term or dating only. I believe the last thought makes itself known within the first few weeks of dating someone. From what I recall, one can usually tell after two to three dates if one surely wants to keep spending time with the person one is dating.
According to a few statistics compiled by eHarmony,
“Female users aren’t just looking for hook-ups . . . Only 33% of women who use online dating websites say they have sex on the first online dating encounter, and 60% of female Tinder users say they are looking for a match, not just a hookup.”
This is good information to know as I am surely not just looking for a hook-up. This next statistic is intriguing and gives me a little hope about the way the dating world does things mostly now:
“Online dating statistics show that 20% of those in current, committed relationships began online and 7% of marriages in 2015 were between couples that met on a dating website.”
I know at least four couples who met their mates online and they are still together, three of those four couples are married. That says a lot, don’t you think? But, the older I get, the more I know/feel I do not want to be married. This is mynow. Who’s to say what I may feel like or know deep in my bones one to three years from now.
So, I almost gave online dating a try again. I was so close. If I were to give myself another pep talk, build myself up to a place of belief that perhaps, a committed relationship could flourish for me too, there is no telling where my mind will lead me. But, will I stick it out, though? I guess there’s only one thing to do in order to know . . .
A Cornered Gurl 
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