Non-fiction Saturdays

Online Dating:

I Almost Did It Again

man and woman sitting and laughing
Photo by Tiago Felipe Ferreira via Unsplash

In my mid-twenties, I logged on to an online dating website. If you asked me today, I swear, I couldn’t even tell you which one it was. It proved to be a decent piece of my life at that moment as I matched with a handsome young man who was incredibly intelligent, independent, secure in his job, funny, and respectful. We lasted all of three months. In all honesty, we were unclear as to what we wanted from each other in the beginning. After that third month, I noticed we were good together, compatible. We enjoyed each other’s time, we did jigsaw puzzles together, went to the bookstore, walked in the local parks, etc. We had in-depth, intense, and impressive conversations. However, he did not want anything serious.

I did.

Thus, our end made its way in front of us all too soon. I think about him from time to time. Although we only dated for three months, those were a pretty damn good three months and I smile when I think of them. Every so often, I wonder how he’s doing. If he still lives in the Greensboro area. If he ever got his own business up and running. He was the first guy I dated who kept an immaculate apartment (much like myself) and at that time, I thought it odd as the only young men I’d ever dated, almost never really cleaned house or cooked, let alone had a place that was worth leaving my place for one night or two. He had all these things yet we did not work out.

The more I thought about him, the more I realized–I was dating a male version of myself and today that seems pretty creepy but that’s what it was. It was going to fail and fail hard and fast had it not done so when it did.

But, something pressed upon me a few weeks ago. I have been thinking of saddling up the old horse and getting back on it to give it another go. I did so on Thursday night. I e-trotted over to eHarmony, answered their compatibility questions and guaranteed matching assessment quiz, built a profile, tossed up a few photos, then promptly deleted it. I lost my nerve. The fear that landed itself in my lap was palpitating and real. One moment, I was excited about the possibilities and could not wait to see what my new age and this new year has in store in the land of dating and the next, I was the Cowardly Lion.

women's black leather zip-up jacket
Photo by Naitian (Tony) Wang via Unsplash

I no longer bite my nails, but if I were still doing this, they’d be nubs. Within seconds, an indescribable sense of nervousness overcame me and all I could do and think of was to back out and back off. Before anything could even begin, I shot it down. I did not let it live a life of two to three days.


I told my best friend about this and she said, “It is beginning to concern me of the rate in which you’re letting fear prevent you from doing certain things. What’s the worst that could happen?” And I instantly thought, “Well, the worst that could happen.” I did not tell her this, though. She can overcome fear within seconds–she just does whatever it is she wants to do. If it needs questioning later, it’s questioned. But, I overanalyze things and create a small place in which I dare not go and this is what keeps me from doing many of the things I set out to do.

Last year, I overcame several of my fears and I am learning to be gentle with myself about the things that need work–about the things for which I still have mounds of hesitation in my spirit. I won’t rush things, but I am planning on not remaining in the bowels of the unknown for too long either. I know what I want. I know who I’d like to have these things with, but I am still unsure if I want long-term or dating only. I believe the last thought makes itself known within the first few weeks of dating someone. From what I recall, one can usually tell after two to three dates if one surely wants to keep spending time with the person one is dating.

According to a few statistics compiled by eHarmony,

“Female users aren’t just looking for hook-ups . . . Only 33% of women who use online dating websites say they have sex on the first online dating encounter, and 60% of female Tinder users say they are looking for a match, not just a hookup.”

This is good information to know as I am surely not just looking for a hook-up. This next statistic is intriguing and gives me a little hope about the way the dating world does things mostly now:

“Online dating statistics show that 20% of those in current, committed relationships began online and 7% of marriages in 2015 were between couples that met on a dating website.”

I know at least four couples who met their mates online and they are still together, three of those four couples are married. That says a lot, don’t you think? But, the older I get, the more I know/feel I do not want to be married. This is my now. Who’s to say what I may feel like or know deep in my bones one to three years from now.

So, I almost gave online dating a try again. I was so close. If I were to give myself another pep talk, build myself up to a place of belief that perhaps, a committed relationship could flourish for me too, there is no telling where my mind will lead me. But, will I stick it out, though? I guess there’s only one thing to do in order to know . . .

I still fear it just a bit. Just a tiny bit.

14 thoughts on “Non-fiction Saturdays

  • I decided to stop dating app as I am still fantasize about a love at first sight (hopeless romantic…), but it seems harder and harder nowadays to avoid them. I totally understand where your fear comes from…but if you really want it, I would just suggest to put yourself out there whether it be online or offline. Wishing you the best of luck.

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  • *nodding in agreement*

    I heard someone say that if we could distill love into a few cold scientific calculations, or accurately predict all outcomes, it would lose all of its magic and meaning. I dunno about all that, but if a few cold calculations could’ve saved me a bit of heartache, somebody should’ve shared those secret theorems with me decades ago.

    I won’t make the folly of giving out unsolicited advice, as I certainly don’t know what the hell I’m talking about when it comes to love, dating, and companionship. It’s freaking messy, and sometimes I wish I could reclaim my time, even now as a married man.

    My ex-gf knew she was in love with me, and yet she fought against us tooth-and nail until she succeeded in pushing me away (I learned this later when we held a post-mortem over lunch once we were adult enough to put the past in its proper perspective). She broke my heart back then, and for a long time I was emotionally unavailable, even to women whom I shared a spark with.

    I had completely given up on love and meaningful companionship just before I met the woman who became my wife of nearly 14 years. Love and dating is freaking weird, knamean?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do know what you mean. *sighs* I am telling myself, “fifteen minutes at a time” and we’ll see where I get from there. Thanks, Barry.

      Liked by 1 person

  • I cannot imagine how scary that would be since I have been married half my life. I would just suggest that if you put yourself out there, do so on a Christian dating site (is EHarmony that?) and maybe that would calm your fears. I wish you the best of luck, Tre!!

    Liked by 1 person

  • These type of statistics are always so interesting to me. As are the personal experiences of people writing about how true or not they are. Keep at it and best of luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s really rather bizarre, the numbers. If I didn’t know of the partial success rate myself due to my friends, I’d be more of a skeptic. Lol. Thank you!

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