Because it’s long overdue.
Spoken Word/Audio Poems
That is all. There isn’t anything else.
Tag: Pain
I Wish You Were Still Here
A Lamentation for Chrissy
And I’m not lying.
I tell people, “I’m trying”
because really, I am.
But my heart breaks every
single day still, and it feels
like I’m watching the
world crumble before
my eyes.
People don’t want to be
around the grieving ones.
It puts them in a place
of discomfort — shifts them
from good times to
“Is this still happening?”
and since I can’t quite
answer their questions,
I bubble up in the safety
of my home and swat
at the hard times slowly
creeping up my stairs.
If you were to tell me
this would be my life
ten years ago, I
would’ve uttered some
common phrases like,
“The Devil is a lie” or
“You can’t predict the
future,” and I would’ve
swiped my tongue gingerly
across my two front teeth.
Nothing can bring hell
like the death of a loved
one — like the sound of
one heart breaking into
a million pieces and scattering
itself throughout your entire
body.
How does it feel to walk
around with your insides
regrouping while you
find your center?
I am told it’s okay
to struggle — to flounce about
with my head bowed, searching
for the writing in the dirt
under my feet.
Where there’s dust, there also
will I be …
I don’t want to dissolve
into the muddy waters
of this stomach-churning
world, so I pull myself
out of the quicksand of
despair and snail on
while I still can.
I wish you were still here.
I am second-guessing myself
again. It’s almost like
a default setting, and
every time I try to move
through it, I sink even
deeper.
I have trouble
seeing past my most
hated self — it’s hard to
shove that part of me
deep into a closet
and throw away the key.
I feel like I have to
soon, though.
Because if I don’t,
the sun will back away
from me and never
lay itself at my heels again.
And that, my beautiful cousin,
would be a life I
don’t want to live.
I love you.
I always will.
Dead in Akron
An Audio Lamentation for Jayland Walker
90 shots fired?
90? 90? Are we sure?
Could be a little more
Could be a little less.
Who’s counting? When it’s
us, who’s counting?
You can’t be Black and young
and afraid of authorities in
America, it’s ammunition
for their ammunition, and
you will never win against
their numbers.
The system was designed to
hunt us like deer
draw our slain bodies from
the scene, and mount us
above their mantels;
prizes for their buddies
to gawk at.
There are checks being
cut for the officials
who can sell the most
bullshit in the darkest times
and the 1% has scrambled to
collect their due.
While we continue to
drop like flies, letters
lacking empathy are issued
to grieving families and lawyers
prepare themselves to seek
the highest monetary amount
possible as though money
resurrects the dead.
What do you do when
you’ve become numb to
the constant pain that settles
in your bones?
It’s there, you know it’s there
but now … it lingers
like a reminder, one you
claim as a task to get
rid of, yet …
You never will.
©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt Originally published in soliloque via Medium.
“After a car chase, Walker got out of his car and a foot chase took place, police said. Officers believed Walker was reaching towards his waist and they ‘felt that Mr. Walker had turned and was motioning and moving into a firing position,’ Mylett said.
Walker, however, was not armed, Mylett said Sunday.” — Samantha Beecher & Dakin Andone, CNN News
So, This Is America …
Land of the Free (laughable). Home of the Brave (how sure are we about that?). This … a country that would rather make it illegal for a woman or a person with a uterus to make their OWN decision about what to do with THEIR body because well, it can versus implementing gun laws that could save hundreds of thousands of lives.
America would rather see you carry a gun than ensure women have valuable healthcare as it pertains to their bodies.
Let that marinate.
*Comments are closed because I don’t feel like arguing with anyone who does NOT have a uterus or arguing with someone who DOES have a uterus but does not realize the impact this decision will have on everyone.
They Depend on the Time They Don’t Have
A Haibun
Delores leaned into her son’s embrace. He’d been promoted to area manager of his engineering firm. The promotion came with a corner office with an exceptional view of the city, and a $25,000 per year increase. He’d worked hard for it–harder than most.
The sacrifices he made never met his mother’s ears. The people he manipulated, the women he raped, and the old neighbors from which he stole. He lived in lost moments of time, pursuing what he wanted and never what he needed. He’d step on the backs of everyone to get where he was all over again.
And his beautiful, loving, and clueless mother could never, would ever know it.
An evil con-man
steps on the backs of others
breaks the moon in half
—
©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt, Originally published via Simily.
Motivational Affirmations To Self #2
Below, you will find a few affirmations I’ve been saying to myself daily and sharing them to LinkedIn. I hope you find them helpful, just as much as I have, and others too.
Every day, it gives me a boost in my morning to read something positive, and also follow up with a quote I can say to myself. I believe these quotes. They’re applicable to me, but perhaps, they’re applicable to you, too.
Our current atmosphere is tainted with pain, disbelief, the will to probably not go on, and exhaustion. Even more now, I need these motivational affirmations. I hope you can connect with them as well.
Life is meant to be lived, so I am living.
A Cornered Gurl 
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