I never wanted to be pigeonholed into a category ill-fitting for what and how I write.
I don’t know where I should be or why, but I do know I can write whatever I am assigned. I always have been able to create and build characters out of thin air.
Poetry is my salve. Fiction is sustenance. Nonfiction is time delegating a few memories to those willing to consume.
I am a bustling soul linked to ancestors who told stories about lifestyles and enslavement.
I am my great-grandmother’s twin; I have her eyes, her lips, her walk, and her mannerisms;
I’m the walking dead.
sidereal
she is out of this world–a sidereal creature crafted by the best God I’ve ever known.
a crush I’ve crushed on, and probably will until time leaves me breathless. we hang on every word that pours from our lips.
I’ve become complacent in the knowing of her presence–she’s steadfast in being here, and the moment I shift my presence, she glues herself to everything I’m connected to.
I would typically leave, a ghost with nothing to lose, but she has galaxies for eyes, and I am forever cursed by her.
I’m stone, unable to be chiseled, unable to break. and secretly, she loves it.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
Part II: I have two jobs now; I didn’t know caretaking for a senior dog would be this hard.
August 22, 2025. Part I of a two-part video of a regular morning with Jernee, now as she continues to decline.
This is the first part of how our mornings go now that Jernee is no longer fully independent. She cannot hear. She cannot see. She is losing her faculties and is not truly aware of where she is and what to do.
Being a watchdog for your dog is crazy work, but I eagle-eye her like a hawk, trying my best to keep her safe and to comfort her. The facial expressions she wears now are a combination of confused, lost, sad, and frustrated. My baby girl rarely looks excited, happy, and free these days.
This is the video I cannot watch without breaking down; without losing my cool and feeling like a partial failure because of what’s happening to her. Logically, I know I am not at fault. I know this is God’s plan. We all have to make our grand exit off of this plane and onto the next, but tell that to my heart.
I don’t get much sleep. She wakes up at random hours during the night in a mild state of confusion, or she wants to go outside to potty, or it’s a combination of both.
When she’s whining, I know she’s confused, and she simply needs to be calmed down, so I soothe her and put her in the bed with me. Those moments are the hardest.
I have had to find new ways to keep her safe while I’m at home because if she cannot sense my presence, she will run around our apartment frantically until she can. If she knows I’m at home, she wants me near her, no questions about it.
Taking this into consideration and knowing I do not want her to injure herself, I place her bed we use for sitting outside on our balcony, in the kitchen and bathrooms so she can be around me. Wild, right?!
Yes, you may be saying to yourself, “Why are you doing this?!” But if you witness how terrified Jernee is when she knows I am home and she doesn’t sense me, you would understand.
Jernee Timid: sitting at our kitchen’s entrance in her bed while I prepare her and Zumi’s food, and clean up afterward. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
When I do this, there is peace in our home. She isn’t whining. She isn’t terrified and panting from searching throughout our apartment for me. She isn’t alone. She knows Mommy isn’t too far away, and that comforts her.
And as long as she is comfortable and in a peaceful state, then I can be “right as rain.”
Please do not let anyone tell you that caring for a senior dog who is declining is easy. I am bearing witness and living through it, and can testify that it is not. It is a labor of love, and a multitude of patience should be in tow.
If you cannot love and you are not patient, do not become a dog owner. Eventually, you will have to endure the inevitable, and they deserve people who will walk calmly and lovingly alongside them toward the end.
Jernee Timid: Fading away from all that she knows.
August 23, 2025, before a short afternoon walk, I came into the living room from our bedroom and found Jernee like this.
If you have followed Jernee & I for a number of years, you know I document it all. From Jernee’s highlights to the downsides of being a pet mom.
She used to have a blog completely dedicated to her and our adventures. I think that is how I met many of you. Funny how I have forgotten what the name of that blog was. If any of you remember, please share it in the comments.
The last few years have been rough. Overall, this Little Monster has been the most magnificent companion. I could not have asked for a better dog.
She has been my peace. She has been my joy. She has been every ounce of love that I’ve needed in the witching hour.
Since my late cousin Chrissy’s death in February of 2022, I have learned a new way to approach death & dying. I face it head on; feel all the emotions that I need to–lose myself in it, and grieve… grieve… grieve.
The morning comes when the mourning is done.
Jernee Timid has been a firecracker since her very first day with me, which was May 28, 2008. She was six weeks old. She cried on the way home to Greensboro, North Carolina (at that time) from Wilmington, North Carolina, which is where she is from.
A reputable breeder sold her to me, and I whisked her away from her remaining brother and sister (Bella & Butler) of their litter. She wailed & wailed, and I thought, “I haven’t heard a dog cry like this since we picked up Nala (Mook’s first baby girl puppy) from her breeder.”
Jernee made such a ruckus, I had to pull over at a gas station about ten miles away, shift her from her doggy bed, and set her up comfortably in my lap for the remainder of the drive to her new home.
From that day, I knew she was going to get any and everything out of me that she wanted. She was spoiled from Day One.
She settled into our family like she belonged here–like she had previously claimed us, and she was just waiting for us to come and bring her home.
I have to remind myself that everyone cannot handle this level of decline in Jernee. Not many can endure the videos I will share. My kid brother, for example, lived with us for three years, and Jernee is his baby.
I’ve seen that kid go to war verbally about her, and I know for a fact he will beat a person down bare-handed if ever they wronged Jernee. He calls her Princess Jay or Jay Nasty (please don’t ask me why, the kid isn’t right! 😆🤣😂).
I’ve been sharing the videos with him, and he told me this evening, “Man, no matter how much we say we are good, we can never prepare for these things. Man, I keep watching this video, I started crying. It’s hard to see Jernee like this, fr, so I know you are exhausted. I’m praying for you, sis. I love you.”
He is the baby boy. I am ten years older than him. He has always had a special place in my heart, but he is the only one who can make me go from Zero to One Hundred in five seconds flat, too.
He cannot deal with the reality of this. He keeps telling me I’m strong and asking how can I record Jernee when she’s fading. My response to him, “How can I not? I love Jernee in life. I’m going to love Jernee in death. This is our reality now, until it’s not. I have recorded many happy times. I find it essential to record the sad times, too.”
So, I will. And if this is not going to be your thing, I get it. I understand it. It’s not easy to digest. But it is my baby girl’s life, and I will immerse myself in it until I have nothing left of her.
Jernee Timid: This was taken on a “good” day, August 15, 2025. Her right eye is in and out of healing. Something’s causing it to fill with blood, and then it’ll dissolve and won’t appear again for days. $920.72 spent on August 03, 2025, has NOT resolved the issue.
Jernee’s living her best life during her last days–Princess Puppy striking a pose–braving a lucid moment… she’s my heart’s beats outside of me.
Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-BookandPaperback) yet?
I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutthe most recent events with my place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination. I welcome your visit.
I will miss this sweet face. She means the entire world to me.
Jernee has a vet visit for Friday, September 12, 2025, at 0900. The first thing we will discuss is end-of-life options, and I’m preparing myself for that date to be her last with me.
Letting go should be easy, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that it is not. However, I won’t prolong the inevitable.
These next few weeks are going to try my patience due to Jernee’s decline, but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure she has the best last days on God’s green earth.
I may not have the mental wherewithal to respond to comments, but I will leave them on, and I thank you for any warm wishes, peaceful thoughts, and words of wisdom in advance.
#9: Bobby Caldwell, What You Won’t Do (Do for Love)
I guess you wondered where I’ve been/ I searched to find the love within/ I came back to let you know/ Gotta thing for you, and I can’t let go/
What You Won’t Do for Love, Bobby Caldwell. YouTube
This will probably be my favorite segment on my blog in a very long time! Welcome to Opening Lyrics to Songs That I Love!
“What You Won’t Do for Love” is a hit song by American singer-songwriter Bobby Caldwell.
The song was released in September 1978 as the lead single from his debut album, also titled Bobby Caldwell. Bobby Caldwell co-wrote the song with Alfons Kettner.It’s considered a classic example of smooth soul and “blue-eyed soul”. It incorporates elements of jazz fusion and R&B.
The song was incredibly successful, becoming Caldwell’s signature song.It reached number nine on the US Billboard Hot 100.
It peaked at number six on the Hot Selling Soul Singles chart. It reached number ten on the Easy Listening chart.The song became a long-lasting standard and a career-defining hit for Caldwell.
It’s been covered and sampled many times by other artists, including Tupac Shakur’s posthumous 1998 hit “Do for Love”.-Google Gemini AI Mode via Wikipedia
I was nineteen years old when I found out Bobby was not Black. I am forty-five years old now, and I am forever changed by this man and this song. He had a sound that was incredibly distinctive and overwhelmingly soulful. He was one of those singers I refer to as a crooner.
His melodious riffs and perfect inflections will draw you in. It is my belief that he had a ton more hits inside him. However, he passed away in March 2023 — far too soon.
He will continue to be missed, but his music, especially this song, lives on.
For one more Sunday, I’ll share with you my favorite opening lyrics to songs I truly love. Maybe you’ll enjoy it. Maybe you won’t. Perhaps you’ll share your favorite opening lyrics to songs you love as well. Perhaps you won’t. Either way, we’re going to have a good damn time.
A Cornered Gurl 
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