it’s still grief

a photo reel of Jernee as a puppy & a poem

Jernee Timid Loadholt: The puppy and younger years. Photo Reel Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

it’s still grief

no one prepares you
for the ache you’ll feel
each time digital
“memories” pop
into view… the love
lost will always be
found.

grieving a deceased
pet is often frowned
upon–not
recognized or
centered as a
genuine loss. and I
wonder, how can you
categorize death into
a hierarchy?

pain is pain is pain
is pain.


Have you gotten your copy of SéduireSerial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback (only) yet?

I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing, as I discuss recent events related to my previous place of employment, including racism and discrimination, the growth I experienced after resigning from that company, and the foibles and overall experiences of life. I welcome your visit.

Life in Photos #4

Daily photographic musings

Workout Mode. Friday, November 28, 2025. I’m on a mission. Don’t play with me! Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Lunch: Diced baked chicken, lettuce & spinach, diced tomatoes, onions, blackberries, cheese, & ranch dressing. Friday, November 28, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Ollie, the perfect Mini GoldenDoodle. I visited my friend/co-worker in the country (Dobson, NC, about 45 minutes away from me) on Saturday, November 29, 2025. I had a BALL! Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Lily (or as I call her, “Lily Girl.”), a Red Golden Retriever. She and Ollie are Niece and Uncle. LOL! Lily is my friend’s dog, and Ollie is my friend’s parents’ dog. I kept thinking about how Jernee would have had a great time with them, simply lying in the grass and enjoying the sun. Saturday, November 29, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
I swear, this could be the corn field from Children of the Corn. I mean, when you’re in the country, you take photos of corn fields. You just do. LOL! Saturday, November 29, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
My Snoopy sweater, because YAAAASSSS!!! It made everyone who saw me that day smile. Saturday, November 29, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Pond #1 along the walking trail at work. Wednesday, December 03, 2025. Pnoto Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Pond #2 along the walking trail at work. Wednesday, December 03, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Thursday, December 04, 2025, chilling in my dentist’s office, in the waiting area. My dental hygienist, while cleaning my teeth, kept saying, “Your teeth are just so clean, Tre. Goodness! They’re so clean.” Every time I go there, they compliment me on my smile and my teeth. My mouth is actually featured in photos on their website. Lawd, help. I’m particular about my oral hygiene. I’m SUPER DUPER anal retentive. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Christmas Decorations at the dentist’s office. I just love their little tree. Thursday, December 04, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
In between exams at my Optometrist/Cornea specialist’s office. For those of you who do not know, I have an eye disease called keratoconus, and I am monitored twice per year to continue to keep surgery at bay. GOOD NEWS! The eyes are the same; no changes, and there’s no need for surgery at this time. The hoodie is an item created by Ernio Hernandez, a dope artist & writer, who is in a class all by himself. Dude is out in left field with his art, and I love it! Thursday, December 04, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Have you gotten your copy of SéduireSerial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback (only) yet?

I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

Saving Bruce Dennis

Introducing Charlie Rhett Baylor

The image above is from Getty Images. It is a vintage photo of a young boy sitting at a table and looking mischievously at a whole turkey on a platter garnished with lettuce and tomatoes. The boy wears a suit jacket, dress shirt and tie, and his hands are folded and placed on the table. An empty dinner plate, a smaller plate with a dinner roll on it, and a full glass of milk are in front of him.

Bruce Dennis is getting so far up that the girls wail out to her, pleading for her to get back down to safety. The poor cat sits unbothered, still attached to ten red heart-shaped balloons, drifting by a will not of her own. They stomp their feet and cry out with impatience. Kinley Chris shouts downstairs to their grandmother—screaming for her help—begging her with plump tears in her eyes for her to do something.

“Grandma! Bruce Dennis is flyin’ up more and more. We need to get her down! Grandma, please!”

But their grandmother was in the very place she was before all the commotion began. The girls have no idea she is the one who hitched Bruce Dennis to the balloons—swatting the cat away for breaking her favorite vase. She had said so many times before her art room was off limits. She is going to show them better than she can tell them. But before she would wiggle her overgrown self from the vintage loveseat perfectly placed next to the only window in the art room, their young ginger-haired neighbor, Charlie Rhett Baylor, raps at their door.

“Kinley and Wayne!!! I see Brucie up in the sky. What is goin’ on, y’all?!” In between his yelling, there were frantic knocks at the door. Charlie is also thinking of a way to get the fat cat down while he continues to knock and yell. His father, Hank Baylor, is the Deputy Sheriff in town, so Charlie has a few tricks up his sleeve that will surely secure the fat cat soundly.

Wayne Donald shoots down the stairs quicker than an incoming evening tide and swings the door open. She notices Charlie’s Sunday Best attire, then waves for him to enter their home. Kinley Chris strips the bedding off the guest room’s twin mattress and tosses it out the window. She is thinking they can shoot the balloons one by one with her slingshot or BB gun, and get Bruce Dennis to land on the mattress, but they have to be quick. When Charlie meets her in the guest room, she rattles off her plan to him, and he throws his suit jacket on the box spring, kicks off his loafers, and races back downstairs so he can place the mattress in the spot where Bruce Dennis would land.

Kinley Chris loads the BB gun with .177 caliber pellets, flings the gun over her shoulder, and sets up shop right in front of the old window. Like a focused sniper, the eldest sibling tilts her head to find the subject, braces her legs for shifting, and kneels down in an experienced shooter’s position. She yells down to Charlie, who is in a frenzied state, trying to track Bruce Dennis’ landing position.

“Charlie Rhett Baylor, you gotta good eye on Brucie? I ain’t aimin’ to kill my cat when she falls, so you besta be movin’ that mattress in the right direction!”

“Yeah, I’m watchin’! I’m watichin’ ya, Kinley. You just let those bbs rip, and my eyes will be on the fat cat prize.”

Kinley Chris launches the first three pellets with vigor and swift calculation. Two more pellets follow, and Charlie is monitoring every hit and is maneuvering the mattress as if his life depends on it. Kinley Chris launches two more pellets, and Wayne Donald wails in exclamation—deathly afraid of a negative outcome.

Just before Kinley lets the last three pellets fly, Bruce Dennis is falling down at a pace none of them expects, and Charlie has his eyes on her—keenly assessing the situation as every second passes.

“I’m lettin’ these last three rip, Charlie! Make sure that mattress is placed right. Looks like Bruce Dennis is comin’ right at ya!” Each pellet hits its respective target, and the fat cat meows loud enough for the whole block to hear. She lands with a pounding thud on the mattress on her eight-lives-left paws and quickly runs toward the shed behind the house.

“Wayne Donald!” Kinley Chris turns to her sister to give the final instructions. “You go on to that shed and make sure she ain’t got no bruises or nothin’ like that, and take her a fresh bowl of milk and open a can of that good tuna for her, too.”

Charlie waits until he sees Wayne Donald, then hurries up the stairs to grab his suit jacket and loafers. His day of helping the neighbors is over, and now he has a story to tell his highly decorated Deputy Sheriff of a father.


Bruce Dennis won’t even look in the art room’s direction. She will never trust the girls’ grandmother again.


This piece is my offering for this week’s Melissa’s Fandango Flash Fiction Challenge, #348. We had to save Bruce Dennis; we simply had to.

Part I and Part II

Life in Photos #2

Daily photographic musings

K.E. Garland (aka Kathy) of Inspirational Kwotes, Stories, & Images & I at 800 Degrees in Charlotte, NC. If you’re not aware, she is also the author of several books, most recently released, In Search of a Salve: Memoir of a Sex Addict. It was our first time meeting, and I had a great time! Photo Credit: K.E. Garland/Photo enhancement & collage by Tremaine L. Loadholt
My lunch at 800 Degrees: Meatball Parm with house fries. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Hallway art: an image in my apartment building. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
One thing about us Southerners is that we love our chicken-fried steak, cheese eggs, and biscuits & gravy. Sunday breakfast at Mama Zoe’s, from Sunday, November 09, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Lost chickens? They were just hanging out in front of the fitness building in the same shopping center as Mama Zoe’s. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Lazy eye game H E A V Y. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
A sneak peek at the fit for last Saturday, November 08, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
I purchased a scalp massager from my loctician when she was done with my hair. This tool has truly become one of my favorite things to use for massaging my scalp & keeping my locs from combining or curling into one another. I have curly/wavy hair, so that can be an issue for locs. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Zumi Tye was coming out for the morning, and breakfast is what Zuse craved. LOL! Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
The girls: Stacey-Lou, Bella-Rue, and Rylee-Blu, my best friend, Mook’s Boston Terriers. She sent a video of them watching TV to me, and I snapped a screenshot to capture them in a freeze-frame photo. I love these little rascals, and I was able to see them on Saturday, November 15, 2025. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt, c/o Mook’s video.

Have you gotten your copy of SéduireSerial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback (only) yet?

I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

If I Didn’t Have Zumi…

I’m certain it’d be ten times harder to deal with the loss of Jernee

Zumi Tye: Sunday Morning Antics Part I

I got Zumi Tye just a little under one month before Jernee Timid’s sixteenth birthday last year. I had wanted an aquatic turtle, and upon my search to attain one, I was unsuccessful.

They’re harder to purchase as a pet you intend to domesticate because of various laws. I went to four different locations, and at the final location, which was the Reptile Zoo and Pet Center, the owner and pet handler schooled me on land-based tortoises, instead, and I fell in love with the idea of having a land-based tortoise instead of an aquatic turtle.

I fervently believe that if I did not have Zumi Tye during this time, it would be ten times harder for me to adjust to life without Jernee.

I still have something to care for, something to receive all this shackled-up love, and something to grow with me. It’s a beautiful feeling to know that all is not lost, and ZuZu needs me just as much as I need it. I believe God does what He does before we see the end result. He knows what we need before we need it. And with this little reptile of mine, I’m never sad for an entire day.

It absolutely will not let me wallow, and maybe that’s a little bit of Jernee shining through, too.

Zumi Tye: Sunday Morning Antics Part II

I miss my sweet and fierce girl, but there’s still NEVER a dull moment in our home.

Happy Sunday, beautiful people. May you share the shackled-up love you have inside you with someone or something today.

Peace and blessings.


Have you gotten your copy of my new book: a collection of serial tales & flash fiction, Séduire (E-Book and Paperback) yet?

I recently signed up to write on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak about the most recent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.

In Life and In Dying

Part IV: Jernee’s final bow; a sweet girl until the end.

The burial site, getting my girl all ready for an eternal dirt rest. Video captured by Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee and I, during the twilight phase of her rest before the final two doses to end her life. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
A kiss and some loving while Jernee was in a peaceful sleep. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
One final kiss to send my baby off. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee Timid right before the Vet and staff proceeded with her end-of-life process. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
Jernee has not had a full night’s rest in about a month. She snored so loudly during her twilight phase of this process. I could tell it was the best sleep ever. Photo Credit: Karen E. Mitchell
While we spent our final moments with Jernee, our vet’s office staff turned the light on to this box so the other patrons/pet owners could be aware and act accordingly. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
My Center Manager’s father-in-law made this grave marker for Jernee Timid. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Jernee’s final resting place… On my Center Manager’s land, under a huge tree that gets a lot of shade. I think she will be VERY happy here. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
Karen and I. She flew up for this day. She wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Our eyes are puffy because we had been crying. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
The box we buried her in. Simple. Sleek. Just the right size. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Tomorrow, I will spend some much-needed time with my mom in Greensboro, NC. It is her birthday weekend. She has mentioned I should not be worried about her, but birthdays are special to me, and I need to get out. The silence in my home is deafening, and I will have to get used to it, but… I want to live a little bit before sitting in the reality of what is now my life–one without Jernee Timid Loadholt.

For those of you who have been on this journey with my baby girl and I for seventeen years (or at least 5 to 10 of them), thank you. I hope you have come to know my sweet girl through me, and that she has touched you, too.

There will never be another dog like her, and I am in no hurry to get another one. I want to sit with the feel and quiet of the lack of Jernee around for quite some time. I donated so many of her belongings today: bowls, toys, collars & leashes, beds, clothing, and her crate. So many other pets will benefit from what we had to offer.

I will leave you with an excerpt from the most recent article I’ve shared about Jernee on Substack:

Overall, this day has been a journey of a lifetime. Now that I am without Jernee, what will I do? Who will I be? Where will my heart lead me next? I don’t know about all of you, but I am in no hurry to find out.

Laying Jernee to rest after a month of decline, illness, and constant changes to her mental state, I can finally breathe. Will I sleep soundly tonight? I do not know, but I welcome it if it is on the way.

I just lost the love of my life. I will never be the same. But isn’t that the purpose of something that changes you for the better—for you not to be the same once they have passed on… I think so.

I am who Jernee needed me to be, and with her death, I will have to be who I need me to be.

The circle of life bows with or without an encore.


Part I, Part II, and Part III