Jernee Timid Loadholt: The puppy and younger years. Photo Reel Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
it’s still grief
no one prepares you for the ache you’ll feel each time digital “memories” pop into view… the love lost will always be found.
grieving a deceased pet is often frowned upon–not recognized or centered as a genuine loss. and I wonder, how can you categorize death into a hierarchy?
pain is pain is pain is pain.
Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book& Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback(only) yet?
I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing, as I discussrecent events related to my previous place of employment, including racism and discrimination, the growth I experienced after resigning from that company, and the foibles and overall experiences of life. I welcome your visit.
The cover (front and back) for Scattered Words: Poems for Jernee Timid Loadholt. Photo Collage Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
4 sections. 24 poems. 9 original photos (digitally animated by Google Gemini). 40 pages. 1 dog who is no longer with us.
The tentative publishing date is January 12, 2026, four months after Jernee’s passing.
In Scattered Words: Poems for Jernee Timid Loadholt, the author wants you, the reader, to experience Jernee in totality, and understand why she has lost the greatest companion she has ever known.
If you have ever grieved the loss of a pet, many of these poems will not only resonate with you, they will set up holding spaces in your mind, crawl into your heart, and retreat only when they have been commanded to do so.
You will laugh, cry, nod in agreement, and reminisce about your furry family member(s) and how they have become your strength. Grief is not linear, and every creeping moment it decides to invade your heart, there is a poem in this book to greet it.
In Scattered Words…, Tremaine celebrated, lamented, grieved, loved, and released Jernee Timid Loadholt. Every day, she will probably do these things again—not necessarily in that order.
If you have never met a dog who had the uncanny ability to be more memorable than some of the people you know, with this book of poems, you will have your chance.
God gifted me peace in living form, and I will never forget her, not ever.
Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book& Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback(only) yet?
I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutrecent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
A cartoonized version of Jernee Timid, derived from an original photo I took of her several years ago. Google Gemini is the AI tool I used to convert the image.
Just after work yesterday, I took the body to a place we enjoyed for months—our sister imaging center, to visit with previous co-workers and staff there. My friend’s mother—eager to see my smiling face, and offer a hug that said to me, “You may not be mine, but you are mine,” awakened my heart’s pain.
The elders, as they often do, check on us when we need it most. The way she tilted her head and asked, “How are you doing?” could not have prepared me for what would take place next. I knew what she meant. I knew how she meant it. And when your name fell from her lips, the tears fell from my eyes.
I apologized as I am wont to do when my emotions take over, and she held up her hand to me and shook her head No… ”I asked you. I want to know. Don’t you dare apologize for feeling, Tre.” And I heard the bass in her voice, attempted to tighten up, but also loosen up, too.
It’s still unreal talking about you and not coming home to you. There are far too many reminders, and so many people who knew you. Everywhere I turn, sadness is waiting to string me along. I hate that this is now what clutters my heart—that I have made space for pain of this magnitude, and it shifts only when it is good and ready.
At the mention of your name, I become puddles that plough through the depths of powerful grief—I wade accordingly, searching for a shore that will envelop me and keep me safe. I can no longer run to you for a sense of security. You don’t crawl into my lap for warmth or stand at the entrance of our bedroom, waiting for me to exit.
You’re in so many places that make up who I am, and erasing you was never a plan—but keeping you in all those spaces is running over me. And if I can be completely honest with you, I did not prepare for you to live and die, and live again.
And for me to live and die, and try to live again.
I am writing, compiling, and gathering poems in honor of my baby girl
Jernee Timid as a puppy. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt, Enhanced/Cartoonized by Google Gemini
I am working on a book of poems for Jernee Timid, in memory of her life and the incredible loss I’ve experienced. I am no stranger to sifting through poems; picking and choosing pieces that make the cut, and culling others that do not. These poems, though… something about not including them—the ones not making the cut, feels wrong—feels spiteful. I cannot explain it.
I wrote them during her life. I wrote them after she died. They all have a little bit of her wrapped up in them, and I can’t see myself not having them be a part of something as significant as a dedication to her time spent on earth alongside me.
The cover photo for the book is shown above. I decided to use a photo of her as a puppy, enhancing it using AI to give it a more cartoon-like feel, because the content that follows may or may not be easy to digest.
I have always written through pain—the death of my favorite companion is no different. I am writing through it. I will continue to write through it for as long as I need to do so. Jernee would understand that. Heck, The Little Monster might’ve even appreciated it.
There is a title (I will share it as time gets closer to the publishing date), and I plan to release the book in early February of next year, or toward the end of this year. It truly depends on how I feel. Who would I be if I did not publish a book of poems for the greatest love of my life? Not Tre, I can tell you that.
I will keep all of you updated.
Peace and blessings.
Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book& Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback(only) yet?
I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutrecent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
Jernee Timid, losing all of her energy after the initial injection on her last day with us. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
near the end, I think my neighbor’s dog could smell death on Jernee–could identify she didn’t have long.
and every time I saw them walking toward us, I’d stiffen. my body would become a tabernacle–solid and silent.
he’d sniff his friend, searching Jernee for evidence of life, and when he didn’t find it, he’d whine to his mom.
it wasn’t until Jernee’s last couple of days on this earth that I realized Winnie, in his own way, had already mourned Jernee’s life.
he’d been greeting her death, and I just didn’t want to believe it.
Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book& Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback(only) yet?
I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutrecent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
Heading Out: Saturday, November 01, 2025. Photo Collage Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt|Cartoon’d Tre by Google Gemini
GAINING confidence “fifteen minutes at a time” l i v i n g without her
Have you gotten your copy of Séduire: Serial Tales & Flash Fiction at Lulu in E-Book& Paperback versions, or Amazon in Paperback(only) yet?
I am on Substack as well. Poking the Bear’s Belly for Fun is a place of healing as I speak aboutrecent events with a previous place of employment, as it pertains to racism and discrimination, growth from the transition after resigning from that company, and life’s foibles and overall experiences. I welcome your visit.
A Cornered Gurl 
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