In Life and In Dying

trE

Part II: I have two jobs now; I didn’t know caretaking for a senior dog would be this hard.

August 22, 2025. Part I of a two-part video of a regular morning with Jernee, now as she continues to decline.

This is the first part of how our mornings go now that Jernee is no longer fully independent. She cannot hear. She cannot see. She is losing her faculties and is not truly aware of where she is and what to do.

Being a watchdog for your dog is crazy work, but I eagle-eye her like a hawk, trying my best to keep her safe and to comfort her. The facial expressions she wears now are a combination of confused, lost, sad, and frustrated. My baby girl rarely looks excited, happy, and free these days.

This is the video I cannot watch without breaking down; without losing my cool and feeling like a partial failure because of what’s happening to her. Logically, I know I am not at fault. I know this is God’s plan. We all have to make our grand exit off of this plane and onto the next, but tell that to my heart.

I don’t get much sleep. She wakes up at random hours during the night in a mild state of confusion, or she wants to go outside to potty, or it’s a combination of both.

When she’s whining, I know she’s confused, and she simply needs to be calmed down, so I soothe her and put her in the bed with me. Those moments are the hardest.

I have had to find new ways to keep her safe while I’m at home because if she cannot sense my presence, she will run around our apartment frantically until she can. If she knows I’m at home, she wants me near her, no questions about it.

Taking this into consideration and knowing I do not want her to injure herself, I place her bed we use for sitting outside on our balcony, in the kitchen and bathrooms so she can be around me. Wild, right?!

Yes, you may be saying to yourself, “Why are you doing this?!” But if you witness how terrified Jernee is when she knows I am home and she doesn’t sense me, you would understand.

Jernee Timid: sitting at our kitchen’s entrance in her bed while I prepare her and Zumi’s food, and clean up afterward. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

When I do this, there is peace in our home. She isn’t whining. She isn’t terrified and panting from searching throughout our apartment for me. She isn’t alone. She knows Mommy isn’t too far away, and that comforts her.

And as long as she is comfortable and in a peaceful state, then I can be “right as rain.”

Please do not let anyone tell you that caring for a senior dog who is declining is easy. I am bearing witness and living through it, and can testify that it is not. It is a labor of love, and a multitude of patience should be in tow.

If you cannot love and you are not patient, do not become a dog owner. Eventually, you will have to endure the inevitable, and they deserve people who will walk calmly and lovingly alongside them toward the end.

Part I

49 thoughts on “In Life and In Dying”

    • Thank you, lady. When the Vet told me this past Monday, she is 95% sure Jernee has a brain tumor, I knew right then and there that I’m making the right decision, and Jernee will be at peace soon. I love her with all that I am, and I want that best for her.

      Larry is VERY lucky to have you as a Fur Mom as well, lady. Our babies are spoiled, the only way to be. 🙏🏾🩵

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    • It’s not the prettiest thing to witness. Every day is a new adventure, and heartbreaking ones at that.

      Thank you for reading. 🙏🏾🩵

      Liked by 1 person

    • 🙏🏾🩵 I know you get this after having to put your sweet baby to rest. I am sending love and hugs your way, too.

      Thank you. This morning doesn’t feel like it’s going to be a good day. After yesterday afternoon and evening, I sensed we’d struggle today.

      I was correct. I woke up with a heavy body and mind and knew I would be staying home with Jernee. This morning’s walk was a huge struggle, much more than previous days, and she doesn’t seem comfortable.

      I worry a bit more now because I’ve planned two days, including a weekend in the middle, to be able to put her to rest, bury her, and then try to adjust to life without her during that period of time before going back to work… I think it may end up being sooner than the 12th. Something in me feels so uneasy and this morning isn’t a great indicator of a good day ahead for her at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  • trE, I think the only people who would question this are people who have never owned any type of pet. I totally understand the sacrifice you’re making. It’s necessary, and it’s what most of us would do, I believe.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 🙏🏾🩵 We visited my mom yesterday. I’ll be writing about that soon. It isn’t easy watching your mother finally realize the end is near for a dog she never owned, but loved so very much. Jernee is her grandbaby. She says that proudly and with a smile on her face.

      You can only tell people what’s going on with your pet so much, but showing them… showing them opens up their eyes. She even said to me, “Yes, baby, it’s time.”

      Liked by 1 person

  • Oh trE, this is so heartbreaking. 💔 I know you don’t want to see her challenged like this. I’m praying for the both of you. 🙏🏼 I know how much this little sassy child of yours has brought you so much joy over the years, but I can empathize with you about how painful it is to see her having to struggle and be so dependent for the simple things we take for granted.

    Hang in there sis! Love to you! 🥰

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    • Thank you kindly, Kym. Every day, there’s some new thing for me to document. She is losing control of her bowels, so there’s that.

      This last week and one half, I’m sure will be the hardest. Peace and blessings. ❤️💜🩵

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      • Oh trE, I simply can’t get past the heartbreak, especially after all of the stories you shared about her. We feel we knew Jernee. No doubt she brought you much joy, and it’s a hard thing to say goodbye when we know we have to. You are already grieving her, but give yourself time to mourn, however long that may be after her final breath. Love and hugs sis. 🤗🙏🏼💖

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    • Yup! The moment that goes, it’ll definitely be it, but I don’t want her to get that far into it in my care. That would really do me in. 🙏🏾🩵

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  • Thank goodness her nose still works fine! Where we are, the manager has a blind dog and she puts a halo on him so he doesn’t hurt himself bouncing off of things. Maybe you could look into that for Jernee. (((hugs)))

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    • I put a cone on Jernee’s head when I am way at work. While I am at home, we leave it off. It’s very limiting though to try and do that full-time. Dogs naturally don’t want those things on around their necks and covering up their faces.

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