gravitate

trE

we’re living in the last
days of working together
and both of us are losing
peace, but we don’t want
to admit it.

she thinks my leaving would
cause me to gravitate toward
another or forget her or let
go of what we’ve built, and
I’m shouting from the highest
of heights that this is
false.

we are connected in a way
that cannot be damaged.
she knows this–holding on
makes her feel like she’s
letting go.
“We are so much more than
work-related. This environment
doesn’t define us.”

and she sees, then hears
those words, but fear is
still a marker I have to fight.
“I say what I mean, and I mean
what I say. We will still be us.”

I know insecurity lies
in the depths of her beating
heart and at the base of
her troubled mind, but I’m
giving her my word.

“You can’t say I haven’t kept
my word. For as long as
you’ve known me, I have
never disappointed you.”
she admits the truth of this,
yet I still have to kick through
past culprits to show her
I am who I say I am.

tomorrow is a day we don’t
want to see.
there are mixed feelings, but
an inkling of happiness
caresses my heart.
I am changing even though I’m
scared to death.
I am moving on from a place
I’ve known for years . . .

and she thinks the gravity
of the intensity of this
change will move me away
from her, too.
try as I might, I can only
do what I have been doing.

I cannot make her believe.

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