A Change Had To Come

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Moving: Jernee Timid Loadholt is standing in the middle of it all while I pack up and stack boxes. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I had grown complacent; my time
to change and maneuver into a new
space almost eluded me.
Somehow, I found the strength
to push through fear and allow
excitement to take over.

When you’ve spent five years
in one space, you’re going to do
one of three things: remain in that
space with no intention to move,
move away from that space to find
another that will be much better, or
do something more to that space
in order for it to continue to feel
like home.

I decided it was time to move.
We’d given The Powers That Be enough
chances to right their wrongs of
our conditions and I won’t stand
for it any longer.
I prayed. I stood steadfast on my word.
I watched God work.

And now, I move.

I am fervent action in motion risking
it all for the betterment of my mind,
heart, body, and soul.
And in tow, is my senior dog who
is curious about the things
shifting in real-time before her eyes.

We are downsizing from two bedrooms
and two baths to one bedroom and
one and one-half bath — one never knows
the amount of junk one has until it
is all showing its teeth at you
while you pack it up and
put it in out-of-reach spots. . .

Cautious not to get bitten during
the process.

I am tired — no, an understatement; I am
exhausted. My body aches in places
I did not know
aches could exist, and there is still
more to do.
But I am ready.

The most important part of this
experience is that I recognize if
I opt to stay here for another year,
more pieces of me will deteriorate
into nothingness, and I intend to
keep this year easier on the ME
I am becoming instead of harder.

I claim fewer struggles.
I claim happier moments.
I claim peaceful rest.
I claim growth.
I claim pure love.

And it all starts here
and now with a change
so subtle yet overpowering,
my soul knows its power.

Originally published in soliloque via Medium.

The moving day is Thursday, August 24, 2023. I’d forgotten how much of a major task it is to move and I am being reminded of it every single day. I am attempting to see the joys of it as well as the higher possibility of sheer happiness from it, too. Thank you for reading.

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