I Mother No One

trE

For the motherless, childless, mothering mothers who still mother & always will

AI-Generated Image: A Black woman and her four children, two girls and two boys. They are all facing the camera with lovely smiles on their faces. The mother has her natural hair swooped to the side and full in the back. She is wearing an orange-ish top with a bold red lipstick. The children are leaning against her, two to each side.
I Mother No One

Each year, I document how I mother while being childless, and I am inspired by so many women who are mothers in their own way. They have mothered the motherless, tended to the childless, cared for the wayward, and loved the newly orphaned and tormented. I know older sisters (myself included) who still mother their significantly younger siblings – they offer advice and pick them up in the middle of the night from clubs when they’ve had too much to drink and are far too inebriated to string full sentences together. They are Wonder Woman and Superwoman in ways I cannot fathom, while still managing to pull their lives together just in the nick of time to keep it from falling apart.

I have befriended aunts who have lived their lives centered around their nieces and nephews (myself included). They never miss a birthday, video call at all hours of the day to see their babies’ smiling faces, pop up at schools to surprise them with lunch, and will stomp a mudhole in an older kid bullying a baby of theirs and then ask that child, “Where is your mama so she can get some of this, too?” like it’s just a normal Tuesday during a regular week.

I know elder cousins acting as mothers for their younger cousins who have lost their way – the paths of life have worn them down to the nubs, and all they can do now is cry and weep and wail on their cousin’s shoulder. They are pillars in the face of adversity and can calm their blood-related loved ones down in seconds flat. I loved an elder cousin like this once. I still do, even though she is no longer here with us on this Earthly Plane. I admire these cousins – they are my suns and moons – light in an ever-increasing darkness.

Still, as the definitions apply:

Mother: The Definition(s)

I mother no one. I have mothered. I do motherly things. I can mother up and down the corners and edges of this world, but I did not give birth to a child. I have been all that I can be to my cousins, nieces, nephews, brothers, and sister, and so many more, but they are not mine. They do not belong to me. I did not vainly labor with any of them. I cannot recount delivery tales of anguish and agony, nor can I gloat about them taking after me when they do something of which I approve.

My ovaries did not contribute to society. My womb is barren – it is a prison cell for emptiness and passing hours. I have no desire to see it grow with a miniature version of me inside.

I am in awe of those who have taken the plunge. For the women who are mothers by definition and tradition, I tip my hat off to you. You have a job that never ends, and you receive no pay, no time off, and no vacation to rejuvenate your mind or spirit. You are often overlooked, cast into the shadows of endless time, and you do it all without complaint, although you want to. And you have your heart committed to this task until you or your child(ren) die. How heroic is that?!

I wait on the wings of hope, secretly wishing I could understand – gain just a glimpse of your life, then I remember . . . some of us are here to be what we can be, and we mother in other ways. I find a sense of solace within this reminder. You have my love and respect. You are to be championed every hour of each day.

AI-Generated Image: A Hispanic woman cuddling her two boys. She has a beautiful smile, and both boys are leaning into her, engaged with the camera. There is a blurred background of green and perhaps a playground out of sight, too?

As I sit here and type this message to each of you, I want you to know of your brilliance, of your patience, of your timeless selflessness that knows no bounds. If you are a mother and mothering the way you are meant to fit that role, you have my undying admiration. If you care when the word seems to fall off the tongues of menaces who have forgotten its meaning, I see you. If you are soldiering forward with $15.27 to your name and have prepared a meal for your children using $12.58 of that, I see you. You’ve got every other human being tracking you down and leaning against your chest yearning for a thirty-minute suckle at your breasts, yet you constantly put your children first and slam the door in their faces and verbally admonish their requests, know that I SEE YOU.

For the mothers who are not mothers, mothering in the face of time, barren wombs, lost hope, wayward siblings, and all of the missed marks of this world as you raise your gift of nurturing to higher heights, I see you. When the world says, “But you are not a mother,” I hear your cries in the middle of the night as you softly shout back to the women who hold the title only, “And neither are you!” I see you. When you’re stopped in the grocery store by a toddler who noticed your smile two aisles down and ran behind you to see it again, escaping his mother, you have a good heart, and that baby can tell, too. I SEE YOU.

For the motherless, childless, mothering mothers who still mother and always will, this is your day. And with it, do what you will. You have earned it, and with it, may I embrace you fully and wholly and center you when everything in this current realm is burning to the ground. Find love and hope in the eyes of a child you mothered and look at your reflection in their eyes.

You are more than what you think you are to them. Believe me.

2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, & 2024

36 thoughts on “I Mother No One”

  • What a great tribute!! As someone who has “mothered” take it from me that’s the easy part. The real part of motherhood is in the dedication, the nurturing and the commitment that comes in the years following birth. Sounds to me, you’re right there with the rest of them mothers, mother. Hope you had a great Mother’s Day!

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  • trE my friend, I can totally connect with your sentiments. But we are maternal wands of love, with children or not. I am not a biological mother, but like you we are still motherly mavens. I am okay with that. What a wonderful delivery and tribute to the power of a mother and mother-like! ๐Ÿคฑ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿคฐ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ

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  • This is so heartwarming and so touching and I loved listening to you trE! Each word is poignant and such a gift that we have others that mother us in life. What a great influential piece with words that glow and pierce the soul on a deep level!
    Truly beautiful!
    Bravo! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿฉท๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฉท

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  • I forwarded this to Deb, Tre. She is Aunt Debbie to so many nieces, nephews, virtuals, and grands, so she thought your post was WONDERFUL!

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    • Aww. Thank you, Jack! I’m glad she could read and listen to it. Every year, I try to acknowledge everyone. It gets hard out here without an actual lineage following me, but it’s also life being life, too.

      *Big Hugs*

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  • โ•”โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•—
    โ•‘.(ยฏ`โ™ฅยดยฏ)ยดยดยฏ`โ€ขยฐ*โ€หœหœโ€*ยฐโ€ข. ฦธำœฦท
    โ•‘.`*.ยธ.*.โ€ขยฐ*โ€หœหœโ€*ยฐโ€ข.ฦธำœฦท
    โ•‘.โ€ขยฐ*โ€หœหœโ€*ยฐโ€ข.ฦธำœฦท โœถ* ยธ .โœซ โ™ฅ
    โ•‘โœฟ ะฝฮฑppy ะผoั‚ะฝerยดั• dฮฑy โœฟ
    โ•šโ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•โ•

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  • In my Tupac voice, โ€œtrE, you are appreciated.โ€๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ’•

    I personally know women who have never given birth, but are more of a mother than the biological ones. They are the neighborhood grannies, aunties, and mentors. Theyโ€™re the reason the babies (children into adulthood) survive and thrive. Thank you for sharing this post. I know this has blessed and will bless many.๐Ÿ’•

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  • Wonderful words trE. I always feel for those who would have loved to be Mums but, for whatever reason, were unable to do so, those who have suffered miscarriages, or still births, often multiple times, and those who have chosen not to be Mums but are made to feel guilty because of their personal choice. Hugs to you as always.

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  • Thank you for this post. I am not a mother and it bothered me when my sisters texted to tell me โ€œhappy dog momโ€™s dayโ€. My pets are not my children, though I mother them. I was an educator for 19 years, I cared for my students, but theyโ€™re not my kids. Today is always a hard day especially after the miscarriage I had 3 years ago. Iโ€™m beginning to embrace the fact that I probably will never have children of my own. But still, today is a hard day and your beautiful words here helped.

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    • Peace and blessings. You’re more than welcome. I pray that you’ll get through this day as best as you can. You are worthy of good things. May you experience them in every way possible.

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