I remind myself
that amongst the suffering
I am breathing
I am healthy
I am here
thousands upon thousands
will never have the
chance to say
those words again
that’s the reality
of a new, messed up
— A Cornered Gurl (@trEisthename) April 27, 2020
I don’t stare at it
I give myself time away
from its demands.
we aren’t the best of friends
we aren’t the worst
I’ve learned to ignore
there are three basic rules;
no water after midnight
no hoarding past loves
& absolutely no going back
to what I left.
— A Cornered Gurl (@trEisthename) April 26, 2020
The Great Release
You have had an awful day at work. Your car wouldn’t start when you left. You finally get it going only to have the old lady on the highway merge as soon as you try to take your exit and cause you to miss it. You burn dinner. The dog’s belly rejects the food you have been feeding it for three straight years and vomit soaks your carpet. You are out of carpet and upholstery cleaner.
You forget to pay your cell phone bill.
The dishes need washing. The laundry is still waiting for you to remember it is there. Your youngest brother lost his job and you lent him your last $40.00 knowing he won’t ever be able to pay you back. Your crush knows they are your crush and is now avoiding you.
You stub your toe, break a nail, and lose your favorite earrings. There is an increase in your rent, effective immediately. You are shorted a day of pay — by mistake. The payroll department tells you, you will be “compensated on your next check.”
Your mother needs a ride to a city three hours away, however, has no gas money to give you. You do it anyway. While there, she gets hungry . . . She wants lunch . . . You buy it. You have $10.00 left to your name when you get back home.
Payday is eight days away.
There is a power outage in your area. No power for four hours, then six, then eight, then twelve. You spent $80.00 on groceries, most of the items are refrigerated or perishable. Payday is still eight days away.
Your co-worker quits, walks out the same day. That project he babysat is now yours. You take it on plus your work too. No pay increase, no new co-worker for five months. There is overtime, but there is NO overtime pay. You are asked to remember your role in the company and how influential you are.
You spruce up your résumé.
Your car battery dies. You replace it. The brakes go. You replace them too. The spark plugs no longer spark and you throw your hands up in the air — exhausted from this month from hell.
You kick off your shoes, sprawl yourself across the living room floor, and you cry. Your chest heaves. Your eyes are bloodshot red. You lose your voice. You cry until the pain seeps out of your heart, slithers down your hands, and floods your home. You cry until the tears are afraid to leave your eyes. You cry until the next-door neighbor knocks on yours and says, “Everything all right in there?”
You cry while responding. You tell her behind your stable walls, “I’m just having a bad go of it, is all.” She tells you she made lasagna and steamed broccoli. She is making you a plate. You cannot refuse. You cry because she is heaven-sent. You cry because she cares. You cry because there are still beautiful souls on this earth.
You have yourself a good cry for everything there is and everything there is not and you remember . . .
“Trouble don’t last always.”
You have yourself a good cry and get ready to endure life all over again.
Originally posted via Medium as a metered paywall piece. Shared is the “friend link” so that you’ll be able to read for free.