9-11 hour days
that include overtime
as extra money for
a trip home, vet visit,
and upcoming car
tag renewal have me
exhausted
the grind is essential
“they say” to maintain
a certain status quo
I just want to do everything
I need and want to do
without being too
tired to do everything I
need and want to do
don’t you
44 will be here soon
and I flail my limbs,
worried that age will
age me
the plan is to steal away
to my homestate and
build with Earths and Gods
and have a family
affair with the bloodline
the dog will be in tow
as I shift from place
to place lacing the
spaces with my presence
I’ll finally meet my ex’s
wife and their beautiful
girls, stuff my belly alongside
my favorite veteran, and
chop it up with the elders
as I drink in their wisdom
I want to build on
future dreams that’ll
propel me forward and
lay down the past ache
that follows me when
I visit home
maybe this year
it’ll be different
He wasn’t built to
love her with his
whole heart–he’d been
damaged, and she was
saving herself for a man
who knew how to break the
walls of her hardened heart
down.
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
She saw through his
cloudy existence, and fed
off his syrupy words, so
sticky and sweet, but
she wouldn’t reject his
advances.
She played nice with this
man who clicked his tongue
and snapped his mind
back into the now–willing
it from actions of the past.
He swallowed every image
of her and filled his
belly with lies.
For decades, he spent hours
dissecting his former self
from his present self, and
now that it’s time to love
again, the control he never
had sneaks up on him.
Forever changed. Forever damage.
Spring kicked down
my door and sat its
funky self down in
my living room–pollen
dangling from its feet
funny, I don’t remember
inviting such a threat to
my well-being over for
afternoon tea, but here we are
Benadryl has been getting
cozy with me during
the owl hours of night
and Claritin-D wakes up
with me to usher in
a new day
with Spring planning to
stick around for a few
more months, we’ve had to
adjust our schedules
it’ll be a long time
until we can breathe
healing breaths of fresh
air again unless we opt
to forcefully remove this
torturous season from
our home
and I don’t think any
of us are strong enough for
a plan as thick-headed
as that one
so, we’ll suffer in
peace
a batch of lentils
soup
to ward off
empty tears
home
sweet
home
and comfort
A Cornered Gurl 
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