Centered

My Great-Grandmother Lucille Tiggs pictured at the far left. I have no clue of when this was, but I love this picture. Not sure who the other people are, but I aim to find out.

I remember my Great-Grandmother being more than sure of herself, she was confident and she had a presence about her that demanded your attention. I was close to her, undeniably and inexplicably close. Her passing more than sixteen years ago now gutted me. I felt as though my world would crumble. Her mind decided to give up on her. She had a form of dementia that beat her to a pulp and shrunk her overwhelming presence to one that we needn’t cower from. 

I do not want to ever know what it feels like to lose your mind, your sanity, your ability to make vital decisions for both yourself and others. When my Great-Grandmother’s condition worsened, her children agreed to have her placed under the watchful eyes of an appointed caregiver. There, in someone else’s home, she was monitored and cared for accordingly by professionals. It was there on my visits to her, that I noticed how aggressive this illness was. She didn’t know me anymore. Oh, she knew that I was family, but she kept referring to me as my older cousin. It pained me to watch her wither, to witness her become someone I did not know. 

Even though she was no longer as smart as a whip and her memory began shifting and leaving her day by day, there was still a sense of groundedness in her. I looked at her and she appeared centered. Was it the fact that she was in her eighties and had been the epitome of strength and tenacity for our family for decades? Was it because I still saw the confident and self-assured reckoning of a woman that she was? I am certain that it was a combination of these things, but now, when I feel as though I may fall or am falling, I think of her. I remember who she was and…

I tell myself that I am of her blood and I am centered, grounded, confident, and sure. 

I am hers even if she’s gone. 

Amends

Taken during my walk on my lunch break. Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

I have forgiven you,
you no longer threaten my growth.
I know that in order to flourish,
in order to bloom, I had to give you
the sunshine you needed and acquire my own.
It is your decision to stay bound,
connected, linked–desperately clinging to
another who only lip-services you and does not
honor your heart.

I do not want that for my own,
so I chose a place for me, for my heart
where both of us can be loved accordingly
and fully without shame.
I hear my heart more now.
I listen.
It has been
s  h  o  u  t  i  n  g 
and I have ignored it, but now–
now I know what it needs
and that is not you.

A lie would be to say that
I don’t miss being a thought of yours,
that I don’t still dream of you,
that on occasion, I don’t get teary-eyed.
I do.

But, I am choosing me.
I know I will not let me down.
This is my letter of amends to you,
my offering–to give you what you have
been wanting,
freedom from commitment.
freedom from love.

A Cornered Gurl On Medium Open To All Writers

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Feed Your Head|Photo Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt

Because I have made a HUGE move and I want to share that here as well. My publication A Cornered Gurl via Medium has been the published work of myself, any Writer who has collaborated with me, and a number of challenge posts. Today, I decided to open the pub up to all Writers on Medium. Here is the official announcement:

“I have been toying with the idea of opening up A Cornered Gurl to Writers here on Medium. And, I think the timing of toying with it any longer has reached its end. I would like to welcome you — those of you interested in being a Writer for A Cornered Gurl to come along on this journey with me. There’s room. We will be comfortable. Creativity will run rampant here as well as all of us gaining the chance to learn from one another.

What is the theme?

A Cornered Gurl: Where Writers Break Out of the Box

What will I publish?

•Heartwork (to include fiction, non-fiction, & poetry) •Tales of the South •Micropoetry •Challenges

When will I publish?

Mondays and Fridays by 7:00 pm, US EST.


Every three months, there will be a focus on the Young Writers of Medium, and on Mondays and Fridays during that month, ACG will publish the work of Writers from the ages of 15–25. I do not know where we will be going, but I do feel like traveling with some creative company is best.

How do you become a Writer? Email me at acorneredgurl@gmail.com using “Please Add Me” as the subject line or respond to this letter by stating the same (“Please Add Me”) and it shall be done. Since I am a fan of variety and quality over quantity, I will publish a total of two pieces from the same Writer on Monday and Friday (meaning, a Writer can have one piece published on Monday and a new piece published on Friday.)

•Tomorrow, Sunday, January 6, 2019, will be the first challenge post and will kick off the opportunity to add new Writers and publish the content from the challenge announcement on Monday, January 7, 2019, and Friday, January 11, 2019.

  • Important Notice: I will not publish content disrespectful in nature to anyone’s race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, social and/or financial economic status, or anything else I regard as insensitive rhetoric/discourse. This is our community. Grow with me in 2019 and beyond.

A Cornered Gurl Guidelines.

Peace and Blessings.”


I feel good about this, a bit afraid too, but good. For any of you who may write on Medium or are thinking about becoming a Writer on Medium, perhaps A Cornered Gurl would be a great fit for you too.

Full Plate

Because I am just a woman with a heart willing to love and no lover willing to accept it. Even if it’s right there in their face. Some people just have far too much on their plates to handle anything else.
Courtesy of Pinterest

I have my heart in my hands…