I Want To Be a Lasting Voice

An Audio Flash Nonfiction Piece

I Want To Be a Lasting Voice
Photo by Rene Ferreira via Pexels

I never thought I’d live to see the mass destruction of all things different–but here we are. As many reflect on the 6th anniversary of the Pulse shooting where 49 people were gunned down and killed while 53 others had been wounded, I am sitting with my thoughts on just how insane the world in which we live has become. At the age of 42 and as a Black woman who is bisexual, and also lives in the South, fear and I are “kissing friends.” We have a relationship where she pulls at my hair and I slap her hands away assertively yet with just a bit of caution, too. We are warped bosom buddies–our lives entwined for decades because this has “become the norm.” I can’t slip out of my skin to appease the majority, however, if you asked them if I can, they’d rebut, “Yes, it can be done.”

Someone has poured some type of creamer in their coffee that deteriorates brain cells and as my friend’s mother used to say, “Something in the milk ain’t clean.” Who are we to cast down or out those who do not look, act, agree with, or follow our beliefs? Who are we to denounce a community because we do not understand their lives? Who are we to harbor hate for those with different socioeconomic backgrounds, upbringings, and work ethics? Everyone is so busy playing God they’ve forgotten just who God truly is.

If God IS love, why are so many who claim to follow him displaying the opposite? I want to be a lasting voice. When I am gone, affix my words to my tombstone–compile a few of my most vulnerable pieces and share them with my hurting loved ones. When my body is ash, spread me along the Savannah River, purify its depth. I do not want to be remembered as someone who was merely existing during a time when all hell broke loose and lifted herself in phases because living in whole parts had become too exhausting.

Living now is exhausting. 

And it pains me to reflect on the past, observe the present, and admit that I do not want any parts of the torturous future ahead. Not if there aren’t serious changes. I am one voice. I say to you now, do not let yours go silent–do not allow yours to be stunted. Pull whatever morsel of goodness you have dwelling within the pits of your belly out, and spread it all over this world. 

We are dying by the hundreds. We are hurting by the thousands. We are struggling by the millions. And soon, if we do not become wise, we will all be dead without forgiveness. 

I want to be a lasting voice. Do you?

©2022 Tremaine L. Loadholt Originally published on Simily.

33 thoughts on “I Want To Be a Lasting Voice

  • OH! You beautiful, Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL BEING!!!! I love You. I just adore You. I’m sitting here with the door wide open during a RAGING thunder and lightning laced downpour. Lit candle on my altar. Glass of lovely red wine beside me. And listening to Your words/heart/soul is a perfect thread in the tapestry of this powerful moment. You, my friend, ARE a voice and a beloved energy that will last and last and LAST. You are pure. Raw. Generous. OPEN. Free. Brilliant. And…YES!!!! I want to be a voice that lasts as well! What a wonderful gauntlet to throw at our hearts!!! OH, hell yes!!! Cheers, Rock on and Thank You!!! 🤗❤️😊

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  • powerful!!! My Goodness mic dropped. Yes, I’m with you on this brilliant piece esp. that last part We are dying by the hundreds. We are hurting by the thousands. We are struggling by the millions. And soon, if we do not become wise, we will all be dead without forgiveness.

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  • Keep being you and live out loud!!!!!! I hate that people can be so oblivious to the fact that we are ALL DIFFERENT! we see who we are and we don’t owe anyone any apologies for that.
    We need your voice to push change. Quitting isn’t an option!

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  • Yes, this world primarily this country that we live in has become very frustrating and exhausting. It seems as we make a little progress it is yanked right back, and no matter how we speak up and scream even, our voices are not being heard. But you are right, we have to be a lasting voice.

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  • Such a powerful statement trE. Well done. I don’t have any answers and it seems that, despite all of the education and discussion concerning human rights, diversity, et al nowadays, we are still a very long way from accepting everyone for who they are and loving the differences that make us such a lovely diverse human race. 🤗

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  • I understand what you’re going through. I live in a country where even being part of the LGBTQ+ community can put you in danger. Where the majority of people think we’re an abomination. Unfortunately, African countries aren’t great for the LGBT. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you especially living in the South which can be more conservative. It truly is exhausting and terrifying that you can be killed simply for who you are.

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    • I had planned to move to Kenya years ago, that fell through, and honestly, I’m glad it did. There are still so many places where WE CANNOT GO, and that is just not right. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s nonsensical. You take care of yourself, Pooja. I’ve got this feeling it’ll be your generation or the younger ones after yours, pulling us outta this mess we’re in. Thank you for reading and responding. 💙🙏🏾

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      • Kenya is wonderful but it does have its disadvantages. It’s not as if there isn’t a LGBT+ community here, it’s just so much harder to be a part of it. Yes, I feel like it’s still not safe for us in the majority of the world and that’s terrifying. I see a lot of young people standing up for equality these days and I have faith that they will help make the world a better place.

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  • Oh trE this is powerful and honest and so pertinent. We all need to use our voice because as Martin Luther King Jr said so many, many years ago….”Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” I try my best to use my voice which has become a much more common and needed occurrence here (Hello my southern sister). Sometimes I think it’s a lost cause…but I pray that good/love will prevail. Ok to share this post? ❤

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