she doesn’t come wrapped in bows boldly standing at your doorstep–she creeps into your thoughts unannounced and ready to test your loyalty to the image of her you have tried hard to forget.
she carries herself well–bust intact and perfectly pressed into a pushup bra, eyebrows threaded without a flaw. she blows her honeyed breath in my direction, flashes a brief smile–I catch her pearly whites before blinking.
I want to place my hands in places not meant for prayer. I stand unsure of where to go when she is near. should I carve a path? should I move my mark?
she is a mystery to me–showing me what I could have, but keeping me at arm’s length. I have all these inches yet I yearn for a mile.
I am a patient person . . . I whisper to myself. I am a patient person.
bound by wayward hands this–a life I did not seek breaks my lonely heart
never a first choice played with and sought after when life seems relentless
he didn’t pick me he didn’t pick me either do I still matter
I shouldn’t give up it’s my positive outlook but I do worry
will I die alone never knowing heart’s true love or will I bounce back
I haven’t lost faith men whisper about my smile I’m still a good catch
Thank you Clay Riversfor giving me the opportunity to gift this poem to you, and for being vulnerable enough to request it. I hope I’ve done your request justice. Peace and blessings.
To learn more about Your Poem From Me: The Giving Cause, click here.Let me write a poem for you. I can give it life
and I am beholden to her, bathed in a glossy light of her intentions. could she just be flirtatious — plotting on playing, picking sides, and pursuing nothing?
I am cautious in her presence, boldly, she creeps. she creeps. and when she does, I stand aside and mimic a child looking for her lost toy. I must find it. it needs me.
I can’t figure her out. I keep telling myself, “Tread lightly. Watch yourself. Be careful.” there could be danger ahead. I want this danger. I don’t want this danger. this danger is linked to her — I want her.
But I want to be safe too.
I hear an older church mother in the back of my mind shouting, “Pick your poison, baby. Can’t have your cake and eat it too!” And I understand her words of concern. I know the memory of her will play on — she knew what she was talking about.
Age and wisdom and experience.
I ask the dog, “Why me? Why has she chosen me to beat around the bush with when I need consistency and clarity and comfort? women know what they’re doing with their ways. they do. keepers of lust and desire,
I will not pressure her.
I will remain in a lane of my own making — happy to gallivant effortlessly in a world of her design. I see what she cannot. I hear what she cannot.
I do not want to damage the goods she flaunts in my direction. boldly, she creeps. she creeps. and when she does, I stand aside and mimic a child looking for her lost toy. I must find it. it needs me.
“Solo” the Chevy Spark. Photo Collage Credit: Tremaine L. Loadholt
I hate to say I “fell on hard times”, but truth be known, I had taken on a heavy period of struggling financially after losing the part-time editing job with P.S. I Love You, thanks to the swift and prudent changes to Medium regarding publications. So yes, I fell on hard times. Everything mounted in front of me, including inflation, a significant rent increase by $87.00, and Jernee’s (my almost 14-year-old Chorkie) health declined.
I am only one person. The income I plummeted into after being considerably above water for over a year was not welcoming or a warm hug. I felt the pressure. I felt the pain. And I felt the undeniable need to make a significant change.
I work from home for my primary job. Given this is my reality, I weighed my options on keeping my vehicle or selling it and going without transportation for six months to a year. Implementing this change would allow additional income to pay down a few bills and be comfortable enough to live with some sense of stability.
It was actually an easy decision for me to sell the vehicle. I did so in late November and got more than I thought I would — which enabled me to pay off the car and two bills.
I spent the next four months paying down two other bills, working overtime at my job, dealing with Jernee’s health issues and endless vet visits, enduring my cousin’s death, and swimming slowly back to the surface.
It was a hellish journey, but I finally made it to a place where I no longer needed to go without a car. But what I knew was I needed to find a car comparable to my pay with insurance coverage that wouldn’t cost me an arm and a leg.
I researched a few dealerships and quickly found out this current season is not the best market for purchasing a vehicle in the traditional way. So, I began looking into Vroom and the company’s inventory, background, and benefits for me being a new consumer.
“We believe buying a car should be fun, easy, and affordable. Here’s how Vroom is leading the revolution. No haggling. No pressure. We’ve eliminated the middleman and made the entire car buying process more efficient, which allows us to pass the savings on to our customers.” — Vroom
During my research period, I also received a raise from work. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I prayed and spent some much-needed time running numbers in my head and reaching out to my closest friends for support.
I found the car I wanted after three days of searching and reviewing mileage, prices, down-payments, and financing options.
The vehicle I clung to like a fly to fresh manure is the car you see as the cover image; a 2017 Chevrolet Spark Hatchback.
The color captivated me. I’d never had a blue vehicle before. The mileage at the purchase date had been 31,401. Financing through Vroom and one of their financing entities had been calculated at 10.73% at 72 months. The vehicle also comes with one year of roadside assistance.
The monthly payments are considerably lower than my last vehicle’s payments, and I found insurance through Direct Auto through National General Insurance.
I still have my arms and my legs.
The entire process, although a lengthy one, was seamless. My Car Specialist was helpful every step of the way. When my vehicle was ready for delivery, I received communication from the manager at my local Vroom delivery hub.
She was thorough in her emails to me and kept me informed right up to the day before delivery. The delivery assistant/driver who brought the vehicle to my front door was beyond friendly, professional, and efficient. The vehicle had been delivered an entire two days ahead of schedule and four hours before its tentative delivery time.
Deciding to go this route opened my eyes to a brand new experience in the world of online vehicle purchasing. It has proven to be worth it and I’m saving close to $195.00 compared to my last vehicle and its accompanying insurance and roadside coverage.
They recently presented me with an opportunity at work that will catapult me to a higher position in radiology scheduling, which will also increase my pay (again). The impending change should be finalized in the coming weeks.
I would have never thought about Vroom without seeing their commercials. I am glad they prompted me to get to know more about the company, and that doing so, landed me with a vehicle equipped with the tools and bells and whistles I find accommodating.
I don’t think I’ll ever go to an actual car dealership again.
A Cornered Gurl 
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