And, How It Slowly Subsides When You Know You Should Want More From The One You Want To Want You.
I let the morning pass, sip on my Vanilla Mint herbal tea, steeped to perfection and I think briefly to myself, “Should I check on her again?” I am fighting with the left-side of my brain, trying to understand the logic behind “No us.” I am losing terribly. This is always a no-win battle, and I have the scars to prove it, but something in me won’t let the thought of loving her go. I tell myself that I have been defeated many times before, that I fight well, that the scars that I have earned are healing, but I want badly to have the opportunity to have them heal further while being with her. I know… I know, radical decisions are not usually my forte’, but for some reason, I can see myself nose-diving straight into her life and landing perfectly on my feet.
How do we control what cannot be controlled?
Therapy is teaching me many things, but it is not teaching me this. How does one silent one’s heart? How does one make it be quiet when the mind has everything sorted out? I ask myself again, “Should I check on her?” She disappears from time to time just as I do when life is far too much to handle and taking breaks are the best things to do on the menu of working too hard, but it has been too long and my first email attempt has gone unresponsive.
Respect the boundaries. Respect the boundaries. Respect the…
Something could be wrong, but all could be right too. It is pertinent in life to respect boundaries. If they have been set, established, and agreed upon, respect them. It does not take a genius to know that doing this will more than likely, work out in your favor in the end. What do I mean? You will surely get over it. It will take time, but you will. And thinking of her safety, her heart, her willingness to create beautifully in the sober hours of the night will reconnect with you, but at arm’s length. You will succumb to healing and your days will get better. You will tap into the mystery of you and learn more about yourself because your focus will be on “Letting her/him go.” Your focus will be on learning to know what it is you need from someone else because you’ve truly established what it is that you lack.
It is natural to be wanted, to be loved.
But, it is important to recognize when you are on a one-way street down a highway to hell where you are the only one loving the other. Recognize that, move on, leave the place as quickly as possible, because if you linger, you’ll lose more and more of yourself every single day and collecting your meaningful parts will be harder to recover. Today, I am learning what she cannot give me, bolding every item in the forefront of my mind, and understanding that I have what I need for this time in my life.
I can give me what I need, even what I want, it’s just going to take a little bit more time.
Such an insightful post trE. You’re making such good progress. I totally get that one way street thing, stayed on that way too long. I’m sure one day you’ll find that two way street when you least expect it.
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❤
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At the beginning of this I thought if I was in this situation then I’d take the initiative and reach out. I mean what is the harm in checking in on someone you care about? Then you mentioned the boundaries…. yes, I suppose they should be respected. Even in the different what if scenario is are bouncing around inside your head. I hope the noise is silenced for a little while.
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I did reach out, no response. You know, sometimes you’ve just gotta let people be. They come around eventually.
💙
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I hear you 🤞🧡
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Big hugs to you.
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*big hugs*
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It isn’t easy to keep a distance but it’s oft times necessary when the other wants the space. I can sense the frustration and worry in this piece. Excellent, trE
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Thank you for reading. I appreciate your words here.
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You’re welcome.
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It’s so difficult not to act on the desire to reach out to someone you love, even if he/she isn’t being responsive. You’ve expressed this dilemma so well, Tre. 💚
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It’s hard to step back and let them be in *that* place, but… it’s better to keep one’s wits about them and not lose oneself. Thank you, Mags. *big hugs*
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Yes, it’s tough, but losing oneself is worse. ((((HUGS))))
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True. Very true.
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….and time is a great healer. Love and hugs trE. x
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*big hugs*
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There’s a lot not said here I think. The selfishness, or punishment of a silence when an answer was quite in order.
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Ahh… I mention that a little when I touch on pining for someone and life and love becomes a one-way street with only one reflecting on it and not the other. I have to try not to let myself sink thinking about the “what if she really isn’t safe or well or happy?” My mind starts going to far too many places. It isn’t pretty. I am trying not to go there. Thank you for reading.
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Fair enough.
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*nods*
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🙂
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