Black Is Bold
Living As A Bisexual Black Woman In The South
I had a friend, a long time ago, who read something of mine posted on another writing platform and ripped it to shreds. Another friend who saw the comment from that friend of ours sent me a text message that said, “You are not writing for the minds of those who cannot understand, Tre. You are writing for the cosmos, girl.” Since then, I have taken the last bit of her comment and applied it to my life. I am living for the cosmos.
What am I? Who am I? How do I fit into this world that oftentimes does not see me? Black can be offensive to those who are not used to being bold.
Let me break that down…
The very force in which we make ourselves known is too much for some to handle. When we get together and voice our opinions on things that matter, subjects that are for our personal gain (and rightfully so), the passion in which we express ourselves to some is too intense. We are intense. We are extreme. We have every right to stand tall, proud, and be forthcoming about who we are and what we give to a world that still benefits from seeing us ostracized.
Someone asked me recently who I am — how would I describe myself using only three words? I said, “Black, woman, and bisexual.” She then looked at me as if I had two heads, one viciously snapping at the other. I asked, “Should I expound?” And of course, I needed to. In the American South, I have three strikes against me before I open my mouth. I am Black. I am a woman. I am bisexual. To be just one of these three descriptions in 2019 is a struggle, but to be all three? That is a welcome mat for homicide.
Some say, we are living in a forward-thinking age, but we are nowhere near a time that will lend us peace wherever we may roam. I am being reminded daily that I am beautiful. That I am designed just right. That every layer of skin and its tone is what I was meant to carry. This is my cross to bear — I have to search for these reminders. I have to dig. I have to create the space I need for comfort, it is not readily prepared or given to me. I have to take it.
I Am Black’s Beauty…
“i am always burning and no one knows my name
i am a nameless fury, i am a blues scratched from
the throat of ms. nina—i am always angry.” — Mahogany L. Browne
I dated a guy while in my twenties who said to me, “There’s nothing left for a man to give you, Tre.” I thought it to be the oddest, most ignorant thing for someone to say. The comment led to our first major argument. Do I not need love? Do I not need comfort? Am I not worthy of someone who can step in and just be what I need him or her to be when I need it? He tried to explain to me that his comment was solely to point out that I was independent, in constant survival-mode, stable, and did not need “help” from him. This was before my coming out days, but he knew of my sexuality — he knew who I truly was.
To say that we were “young and dumb,” would probably be apt, but we both knew what and who we wanted and it was not each other. He needed a woman who needed him and often showed it, made him “feel like a man.” I wanted a man who acknowledged my independence, stood by it, and still loved me without measuring what I could and could not do. It was best that we parted ways. That experience taught me that all that I am will not be accepted by everyone. All that I am will not be applauded by everyone.
Black is sweet. Black is love. Black is light. Black is struggling to make ends not only meet but stick together forever. Black is golden. Black is the blues and soul-saving poetry. Black is picking up the pieces, putting them in their rightful place, and moving on.
I am Black. I am a woman. I am bisexual. And in the American South, I am still trying to push my voice out to a world that does not hear me, sometimes does not want to see me, and worst of all, will not understand me. “You listen to me and you listen to me well, the next time someone asks you if you are bisexual, you better damn well tell them who you are.” ©My Mom.
Black is the high road, the road less traveled, the road to all of your yellow brick roads. Black is new. Black is old. Black is learning to step aside and honor the ancestors’ calling upon us. Black is sincerity. Black is bold.
Every single day, I am paving a way for myself where in the past, I felt as though I could not. And in the South, I still feel that I cannot. I may not be what someone wants or expects of me. I may not have what someone needs or expects from me. I may be the very last thing you think about and can only provide a tiny space for in the corner of your weeping mind. But I know this —
I am bold.
This is a more in-depth breakdown of the following piece:
This is so beautiful, Tre. ❤️ Thank You.
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Thank you for reading, Katy. I appreciate you.
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Oh gosh, I appreciate You as well, Tre!!! And You are most welcome. You’re a pleasure to read!!! 💖
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Very moving x
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Thank you, Lowen! I really appreciate that.
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Writing for the cosmos, I love this…keep up the good fight and keep on writing!
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Thank you! I have no choice!
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Yes, keep being yourself fully and keep writing for the cosmos, girl! You’re a beautiful, black, bisexual woman! 💙
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Thank you, Mags. Ha! *big hugs*
We just made it to Asheville! We’re here to celebrate my birthday week a bit. I wish you were here.
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(((HUGS)))
Glad you’ve arrived safely! I’d love to celebrate your birthday with you in person. 🙂
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💙
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When I was young, I wanted to be wanted without being needed, and I wanted to want without needing. I NEED to be independent and self-sufficient. I would have been happiest if I could have been the island no man is. I haven’t had the experience of being Black, but I completely identify with relationships ending because my partners felt I didn’t need them. It was always sad.
But who are we if we refuse to be ourselves?
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Who are we indeed, Sue? Exactly.
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yesssssss
Beautiful
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Thank you, kelley!
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So powerful, trE! Wow. Made my eyes water. It’s for everyone who thinks things are “better.” But it’s also for everyone who needs to be reminded not to waver or question their power and beauty.
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Exactly, Patty. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for reading.
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Love this insight, Tre! Thank you for continuing to have the strength to share your personal journey. ☺️♥️🌸
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Thank you, Kelsey! I am getting freer with every single day. Peace.
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Superb 👏.
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Thank you.
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“Should I expound?” Expound, not explain. The image of an adult breaking down a simple concept to a child flashed across my mind and I was giggling.
But I am happy you stood courageous in face of all those oppressive forces. And boom! Your mum dropped the mike and shut all those oppression down!
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Tien, she’s so amazing at times. She has absolutely no filter and she means exactly what she says. Lol.
Thank you.
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Everyone needs a Mom like that! xx
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I’ll keep her, Peter, even with our issues, I wouldn’t trade her.
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I always look forward to these deep hearted pieces filled with the soul and heart of a fabulous mind, you never cease to amaze me with the depth of your words and how they touch and fuel thought 💜💕
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Thank you, Kim. I look forward to writing them. They’re helpful.
💙
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