Finding Peace With My Father
I am not searching
For my kin
Men give me hives
And women drive me crazy
You wanted me
Settled by now —
Baby hipped, bare feet
No cause for
Questions
But, I am full of
Questions
All needing answers.
I hold back.
Every year, I chicken out.
Clucked by the best, my
Demons fester and you
Pop up when I
Am trying to understand
Where to go from here.
The path I have taken
Only leads me to
The same circle I have
Met for 25 years,
Incomplete.
I step out of the circle,
Refusing its enclosure,
I draw a line.
You cannot cross it.
My heart blocks
The pain of a
Lost child begging to
Be understood, wanting
To be heard in the
Noisy body of
Cheerful congregations.
They pass
Our family secrets around
In the collection plate.
One drops a 20.
He needs change.
He knows our story
From front to back,
I do not sit next to him.
Each secret floats, heavy
Like coins, clinging
To musty bills,
Testimonies are next.
You say, “I have a confession
To make. I love my children.
I would die without them.
I could die without them.
Nothing has changed.”
You are happy.
Beaming, proud Daddy
Wishing to knee-us-up
And bounce us until
We lose ourselves.
I see your happiness.
I reach into my clutch
As the plate comes around,
Pull out a smile
And I tell my neighbor,
“Pass it along.”
Originally published on June 18, 2017, via Medium. Happy Father’s Day!
loved it the first time on Medium and a nice refresher of revisiting, so much depth here as you always have, kudos again Tre ❤
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💙
*big hugs*
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Such assertiveness here:
“The path I have taken
Only leads me to
The same circle I have
Met for 25 years,
Incomplete.
I step out of the circle,
Refusing its enclosure,
I draw a line.”
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I was hoping that was/is displayed. Thank you for the feedback, Mags.
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You’re welcome, Tre. 🙂
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Man. So much here. God. Deeply, richly, sadly beautiful. And in my own way…..I can relate. ❤️
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Thank you for reading and your feedback.
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💖
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There’s a lot of lack of understanding in being a parent… (and a child) till the day we realise we’re not born TO be parents or children, just souls expanding 🤗
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I think it also has a lot to do with the fear of failing or not learning from our mistakes. Human nature is a tricky thing. Thank you for reading and responding.
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Yes, and “not repeating” our parents mistakes (which sometimes leads to irrational extreme things).
It’s a pleasure to read thoughts that inspire and deepen ours. 🤗🤗🤗
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Peace and blessings. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed this one. 😊
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This is a masterpiece, trE. I am in awe of your abilities with words often, never more than right now though. Big hugs to you.
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Thank you, Deb! *big hugs* back at you, always.
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