Covered

trE

 

Courtesy of Vincent Van Gogh

When you are a young “Child of God,” in a family of his older children, no one tells you that being different is wrong. No one has to. You know it without words slithering into form or braving the wild storms that swirl in your head.

You shelter yourself. You hide behind notebooks, play sports, befriend a flute, or mother children that come long after you. But you don’t say who you are. You don’t show it, either.

Everyone has their opinion of what and who you will become. They design a life for you that encompasses change, but includes their beliefs and straying away from those would further alienate you from the flock.

Where does a sheep go when it’s afraid of losing its home?

Labels… You run away from them. It is easy to pass the ball or alley-oop it off to someone else and watch them dunk what you cannot. They land on their feet, relieved of the weight. You stand by witnessing what could be you, but fear of isolation is bigger than the removal of burdens.

So you cover yourself with words and lose yourself in their embrace. Layers of your past flood the pages. But you still haven’t said what needs to be said. Life is waiting for you to back it up.

Where does a sheep go when it’s afraid of losing its home?

Nowhere.

28 thoughts on “Covered”

  • AS usual I love your insight, your inward journey to discover yourself, the beautiful soul that you are. Also want to let you know that my phone has decided that when I access a blog from my email notification on the phone, I have to log in to WP, even though I am always logged in on the phone, to comment or like a blog. And you know logging in by phone is so driven by autocorrect, lol. So if you don’t hear from me it’s because I haven’t had the time to get back to it on my computer but I do read almost everything you write!

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  • So you cover yourself with words and lose yourself in their embrace. Layers of your past flood the pages. But you still haven’t said what needs to be said. Life is waiting for you to back it up.

    These words touch my heart Tre, and the entire piece is filled with so many inner thoughts and depth, leaves me feeling as if someones read my soul. (Kind of like the song Killing me Softly) same gist in a way ❤ ❤ ❤

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  • This.
    Is one of the best things I’ve read on WP and from you.
    It literally stole my breath.
    You. Are. Amazing.
    The rest I’ll write privately. Suffice to say, this is stunning and ripped out from truths backbone.

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  • This. This is me. I really wanted to just quote the whole piece!

    Tre, you know our past and the expectations. Being the “token one” wasn’t all it was cracked up to be because the attention was unwanted. I wanted to hide but Grandma wanted me to come show her friends how good I was with words. “Can they just read my journal, Nana?” When you never fit in, you have to force yourself to stand up. Thankfully, I have found the outlet to help me stand up and stand out!

    Thank you for this!!

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    • You’re welcome, cousin. We have both lost the two women who understood us most. I know that if my Grandma Betty was still alive, most of my struggles with who I am wouldn’t be as hard. She would have supported me, hands down. I just miss that. Okay, now I’m tearing up. Thanks for reading and commenting, cousin. 💙

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      • Had to take a mental break and release. You are one of the only ones who understand the relationship my grandma and me had. No judgement, no hard words, just genuine acceptance and love! I am learning to accept my quirks but could use a good belly laugh from a sit down chat with my Grandma Pearl! ❤️

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      • I know. Trust me, I know. Not having Grandma Betty eats at me every single day. I have to admit, though, I see a lot of her in me now that I’m getting older and that makes it feel like she’s still around a bit. We’re hanging in there, cousin. We get down but we’re darn sure not out.

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  • I love your use of metaphors. Great piece.
    “fear of isolation is bigger than the removal of burdens.” This is just.. so sad. And heavy. I believe many people live this way, either leading double lives or dying the slowest death by complete suppression.

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    • Thank you, kelley and you’re right: “I believe many people live this way, either leading double lives or dying the slowest death by complete suppression.”

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  • So much truth said here that I read it all over again. As if checking what is still lingering in me and where I have grown well. The fear of being left alone ends up alienating us from ourselves. Truly said, life is waiting on us to simply BE.

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  • “You stand by witnessing what could be you, but fear of isolation is bigger than the removal of burdens.” That’s the dilemma one faces for being different.

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  • Wow, when you mention passing the ball to someone else for the glorious dunk, so many thoughts pour into my head. Is it better to be enlightened when most everyone else isn’t, the last one in the world to be enlightened, or is there really any difference? As you say in the end so simply: “Life is waiting for you to back it up.” There comes a point (there must, right?) when we stop assisting and we just surrender to who we are. Thank you for this piece, Tre.

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    • “When we stop assisting and we just surrender to who we are”. This… This is it and where I truly want to be, but fear cripples me sometimes. Thank you so much for reading and commenting too.

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